AITAH for refusing to care for my aging mother after everything she put me through growing up?
In the shadow of a cold and unyielding mother, a daughter grew up feeling perpetually inadequate, her spirit battered by relentless criticism and withheld affection.
Labeled “difficult” and never enough, she endured a childhood where love was conditional and self-worth was constantly questioned, leaving deep wounds that shaped her very sense of self.
Breaking free at 21, she embarked on a painful journey of healing and self-discovery, building a life defined by her own values and triumphs.
Yet, despite her efforts to reach out, the scars remained raw as her mother’s cu***ng words continued to echo, a haunting reminder that some battles for acceptance are never truly won.
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The Original Poster (OP) is caught between a deep-seated need for self-preservation, rooted in years of emotional neglect and criticism from their mother, and the significant societal and familial pressure to provide full-time care for the now-ailing parent.
The central conflict lies in the OP's refusal to act as the primary caregiver, a decision based on past harm, which their siblings interpret as selfishness and abandonment, while the OP views it as necessary boundary setting.
Is the OP cruel and abandoning their mother by refusing primary caregiving duties, especially given the mother's declining health and past sacrifices, or is the OP correctly prioritizing their mental health by refusing to return to a damaging relationship dynamic that has never been acknowledged or resolved?
Commenters Came in Hot with Their Takes:
This one sparked a storm. The comments range from brutally honest to surprisingly supportive — and everything in between.