AITA for telling my cheating ex-husband I will never feel bad for him and I will never "help him make this better"?
The original poster (OP), a 46-year-old woman, discovered her husband of ten years had cheated multiple times, resulting in her contracting gonorrhea and developing pelvic inflammatory disease.
This discovery led to a divorce, after which the ex-husband, John (48m), married his affair partner, Cathy.
The OP was left to manage the aftermath, care for their three young children, and maintain civility for the children's sake, which she found deeply painful.
Years later, the relationship between the children and John and Cathy has grown distant, partly because John and Cathy were unable to have children together, and the kids felt pressured to console Cathy.
Recently, John aggressively pursued the OP to force the children to re-engage with him and Cathy, culminating in John confronting the OP at her home, demanding she encourage the kids to treat Cathy as a mother figure and ensure Cathy is included in future family milestones.
The OP firmly rejected these demands, leading to a confrontation where she told John to leave, causing her relationship with John's sister to deteriorate as well.
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The OP is dealing with the lingering emotional fallout from her ex-husband's severe betrayal, which included health consequences and a decade of necessary co-parenting efforts while maintaining boundaries against his new family.
The central conflict revolves around the OP's refusal to sacrifice her emotional well-being and her children's autonomy to accommodate the guilt and desires of her ex-husband and his wife, who are seeking validation and inclusion after causing significant harm.
The question is whether the OP was justified in her harsh rejection of her ex-husband's demands and subsequent interactions with his sister, or if, given the passage of time and the impact on extended family relationships, she should have shown more measured kindness or compromise regarding the children's future relationship with Cathy.
Should the OP prioritize her need to protect herself and maintain firm boundaries, or should she attempt to mitigate the ongoing family damage by softening her stance?
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