AITA for reminding my mom she said we couldn't have a relationship with her if we didn't accept one with her husband?
The original poster (OP), a 27-year-old male, discusses long-standing issues with his mother's second husband, Frank, who married his mother after his biological father passed away when the OP was ten and his sister was twelve.
The major conflicts involve Frank forbidding any mention of the OP's late father in his presence, even during significant family moments, and Frank heavily controlling the OP and his sister's contact with their late father's side of the family.
When the OP and his sister expressed their wish not to have a relationship with Frank, their mother insisted they must accept him to maintain a relationship with her, leading the siblings to cease contact with their mother.
Now, following the OP's engagement, the conflict has resurfaced intensely over the wedding plans, leaving the OP questioning if he is at fault for excluding Frank.
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The core conflict rests on the OP's firm boundary against accepting Frank, a boundary es**blished due to years of emotional control and disrespect regarding the OP's deceased father.
This boundary directly conflicts with the mother's ultimatum that maintaining a relationship with her requires accepting Frank, placing the OP in a position where he feels his need for emotional protection clashes with his desire to preserve his relationship with his mother.
Given the mother's consistent enforcement of Frank's unacceptable behavior and her stated condition for maintaining contact, the central question becomes whether the OP is justified in treating the consequence (no relationship) as finalized, or if he should have pursued further negotiation now that the stakes involve his wedding and fiancée.
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