AITA for I telling my childhood bully (who is MtF transgender) that she will always be the “boy who bullied me”?
For years, the scars left by Z’s relentless bullying haunted her like an unshakable shadow. The cruel words and whispered rumors had shattered her self-esteem, turning school into a battlefield where she fought to survive.
Time had passed, but the pain remained raw, a silent wound beneath the surface. When Z, now living as her true self, reached out with an apology, it stirred a storm of emotions—conflicted between forgiveness and the deep-rooted hurt of the past.
The fragile truce cracked as old wounds reopened, revealing how some battles aren’t easily healed, and some identities are forever marked by the pain inflicted in youth.
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The original poster (OP) is grappling with the complex emotional aftermath of severe childhood bullying, finding it difficult to fully accept an apology offered years later by the former bully, especially when the bully has since transitioned and attempted to tie the past behavior to their gender identity struggle.
The central conflict arises from the OP needing time to heal versus the former bully demanding immediate forgiveness and reacting defensively when the OP expressed lingering hurt and used the former name/gender.
Given the lasting impact of the bullying on the OP's self-esteem, is it reasonable for the OP to withhold forgiveness until they feel emotionally ready, or does the former bully's recent transition and emotional reaction supersede the OP's right to process past trauma on their own timeline?