AITA for demanding to go through my BIL and his GF's bags if they are staying with us
The original poster (OP) has a severe dairy allergy that requires carrying two epinephrine auto-injectors (epipens) because exposure leads to hives, breathing difficulty, and emergency room visits.
Because of this serious medical condition, the OP and their fiancé established a strict rule for their shared home: no dairy products are allowed inside, ever.
The conflict centers on the fiancé's brother's (BIL) girlfriend, who has previously violated this rule twice, resulting in the OP having an allergic reaction requiring emergency care once. After the second incident, she was kicked out, and the BIL has been visiting alone since.
Now that the girlfriend wants to accompany the BIL on a new visit, the OP has proposed a compromise: she can stay, but her bags will be searched upon arrival, leading to accusations that the OP is treating her like a criminal and invading her privacy.
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The OP finds themselves in a difficult position, balancing the absolute necessity of maintaining a safe, dairy-free environment to protect their life against the social pressure to accommodate a guest who has repeatedly shown disregard for that safety requirement.
The core conflict lies between the OP's fundamental need for physical safety within their own home and the guest's expectation of privacy and trust.
The question is whether demanding to search the guest's luggage is a reasonable and necessary boundary to enforce for life-threatening medical safety, or if it constitutes an unreasonable, invasive, and punitive measure against someone who has previously proven untrustworthy.
Should the right to physical health supersede the standard expectation of privacy when staying in someone else's home?