AITA for doing nothing for the child my ex-wife had from her affair even now that I have primary custody of our kids?
The OP, a 36-year-old man, ended his marriage six years ago after discovering his then-wife was cheating on him.
Following the birth of her child with the affair partner, the OP's name was removed from that child's birth certificate, and he maintained a 50-50 custody arrangement for the three children they shared.
Since the affair partner left three years ago, the ex-wife has repeatedly asked the OP to take an active, fatherly role in the life of her youngest child, including offering adoption or simple expressions of care like gifts.
The OP has consistently refused, citing his lack of biological connection and the wishes of his own children, leading to increasing hostility from the ex-wife who accuses him of treating an innocent child poorly.
The central dilemma for the OP is whether his refusal to engage with his ex-wife's youngest child makes him an awful person.
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The OP is facing a significant conflict between maintaining firm boundaries related to his past trauma and the perceived moral obligation toward an innocent child who lacks a father figure.
While the OP has legal protection regarding the youngest child, his ex-wife perceives his lack of action as a cruel rejection, causing severe relational strain, especially as their shared children resent visiting their mother.
The core question remains whether the OP should override his personal discomfort and the expressed wishes of his children to offer minimal support to his ex-wife's child, or if protecting his emotional space and respecting his own children's boundaries justifies complete non-involvement.
Is the OP obligated to act as a supportive figure to this child, or is complete detachment appropriate given the circumstances of conception and the ongoing conflict with the mother?
Users Wasted No Time Telling It Like It Is:
The community had thoughts — lots of them. From tough love to thoughtful advice, the comment section didn’t disappoint.