AITA for not naming my second son after my husband's late half sister when we named our first son after his late brother?
The weight of loss has shaped a family's story in the quietest yet most profound ways.
For a husband who lost his younger brother in a childhood accident, honoring that bond became a sacred promise, etched into the name of their first son—AJ—a name whispered only by him, a private tribute to a memory that never faded.
This act of love and remembrance held a delicate balance between past grief and present hope, a silent vow carried in every call of their oldest child’s name.
But the shadows of sorrow reached further, stirring old wounds when their second son’s name choice sparked unexpected pain.
The husband's mother and stepdad clung to a legacy of loss—the name of a half-sister taken too soon by childhood cancer—expecting its echo to live on.
When it didn’t, the fragile peace shattered, igniting a battle between honoring the past and embracing the future, leaving love caught in the crossfire of grief and expectation.
My husband lost his younger brother in an accident as a child. My husband was 7 and his brother was 6. My husband felt strongly about honoring his brother with our first son's name.
So we did it in a less direct way. My husband called his brother AJ and he was the only person to do so.
The rest of the family and friends used his brother's full first name or a shortened version of the full name.
His middle name had a J so we chose a J middle name from our list too and everyone calls our oldest AJ. I gave birth to our second son recently and we went with another name off our list.
This was taken badly by his mom and stepdad and some of his maternal family. When my husband was a teenager his mom had another child, his half sister, and she died from a childhood cancer at the age of 3.
Her name was a unisex name and they were expecting us to use it for baby number two regardless of the sex of our second child. When we didn't it started a fight.
My husband's mom and stepdad were mad at him for honoring one lost sibling and not the other. His mom was very upset about it. Eventually their anger turned to me because they said I knew.
My husband defended me and told them it was wrong to pressure me and expect me to make that decision and force it on him. His dad also stepped in and defended us.
The maternal relatives fighting it were quick to say this had nothing to do with him because she wasn't his child and saying he'd feel the same way in my husband's mom's shoes.
The whole thing ended with everyone else leaving our house but his mom keeps insisting we were wrong and how it shows a favoritism between the two siblings he lost.
She told him it made her feel like his full brother was more important to him than his half sister. I can see how much she's hurting but my husband only felt the wish to honor his brother, so we did.
We didn't even use the exact same name. That didn't matter to his mom or the others complaining.
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AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.:
It didn’t take long before the comment section turned into a battleground of strong opinions and even stronger emotions.
RheaCrazy - :- Naming your child isn’t a family grief contest, and love for one lost sibling doesn’t erase the memory of another. Your son isn’t a tribute token, and it’s not cruel to protect his name from obligation.
CooCooForCocosPuffs - :- NTA - not her child, not her decision.
Visual-Lobster6625 - :- NTA - no one gets to dictate how you name your children, it is only up to you and your husband.
It's natural that your husband would be more affected by his brother's passing because they were close in age and had always known each other. Your husband was a teen when his sister was born and probably not as involved.
Your children are not emotional support children for your MIL's loss. She needs grief counselling, rather than getting angry at you for your husband's naming choices.
RJack151 - :- NTA. Tell MIL to have another kid and then name it after the sister.
AugustWatson01 - :- NTA his mum needs more therapy
SafeWord9999 - :- OK so husband got to name the first kid but YOU get to chose the next name - without interference. Or guilt trips.
Sea-Operation-6123 - :- Your husband’s family are allowed to have their own thoughts&feelings. Not sure why they expected you to name your 2nd child after their daughter but they obviously did. Did y’all discuss the name/honor thing with them?
I personally think their expectations are unreasonable but I have not experienced losing a child&I honestly don’t want to even try to imagine what it is like to lose 2 children.
Grief is a very powerful emotion&the loss of a loved never truly goes away. Maybe y’all can acknowledge their feelings of disappointment&then just try to move on?
“Hey family … we understand you’re upset&disappointed. Whatever name our child has will not change your loss.
We hope you will respect our decision to choose the name for our child&love them for who they are.” NTA - you have done nothing wrong but I recommend you let your husband manage his Mom … with some grace.
The user's husband felt a strong, personal obligation to honor his younger brother who passed away in childhood by incorporating an element of his name into their first son.
When they chose a different name for their second son, it triggered intense emotional reactions from the husband's mother and maternal family, who felt this choice demonstrated favoritism towards one deceased sibling over the other, specifically disregarding the memory of the half-sister who also died young.
The central conflict rests on the parents' expectations of memorializing both deceased children versus the couple's autonomy in naming their living children based on their own desires and connections.
Given the deep emotional pain felt by the husband's mother regarding the loss of her daughter, but also acknowledging the husband's established, personal way of honoring his brother, is it justifiable for the in-laws to impose expectations regarding naming a second living child, or does the responsibility for emotional closure rest solely with the parents of the living children?