AITA for telling my girlfriend due to her new religion, I don’t know if I want to be with her.
After three years of shared dreams and spiritual harmony, a quiet rift begins to form between them. What once was a bond rooted in mutual beliefs now feels fragile, as her newfound devotion to Islam reshapes the very foundation of their connection.
He loves her deeply, yet struggles to reconcile this change with his own convictions, feeling as though he’s falling for someone he barely recognizes.
Caught between unwavering love and personal convictions, he wrestles with the pain of watching the woman he cherishes embrace a path he once vowed to avoid.
His heart aches with the fear of losing her to a world he doesn’t understand, desperately trying to support her while grappling with the alienation that grows with every step she takes toward faith.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now. I absolutely love her. When we met, we both were very spiritual.
We had the same views and understandings on a lot of things, including and importantly, religion. I spent my whole life being raised religious and I always told myself that I wouldn’t raise my kids religious.
I also knew that I wanted to be with someone who had the same views. About 3/4 months ago, she expressed her interest in Islam. Now, she is practicing the religion.
I have bought her things and tried to support her as much as possible, but sometimes it feels I’m dating someone new. I hate the idea of organized religion and I hate hearing about it.
I want to stay with her and support her through this, but it’s been very hard because initially when searching for someone to date, I made sure whoever I ended up with wasn’t religious and now I feel bad that she feels unsupported even though I’m trying my best to.
I know a lot of people ask about religion in the beginning to avoid dating someone that could possibly make them uncomfortable, i.e a Christian wouldn’t prefer to date an Atheist.
But, is it wrong if we’ve already established 3 years of a relationship?
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Sepa-Kingdom - :- I don’t think she would be slowed to marry you.
Muslim women can’t marry outside the faith, I believe, although it’s ok for men to marry a woman from one of the abrahamic religions as long as the kids are bought up Muslim.
Source: a devout ex-boyfriend; we split up because I wasn’t Christian and he didn’t believe in evolution!
TheNorthC - :- One thing about Islam in particular is that is that it is a lifestyle as well as a belief.
You can be a believing Christian and the key difference to an atheist is that you go to church once a week in every practical sense. Whereas Islam sets quite complicated rules over what you can eat or drink.
No alcohol, meat needs to be halal slaughtered no pork etc. Men might start growing beards and a woman a hair covering.
You are probably already used to searching for "halal restaurants near me" and realising that it cuts your options. The same if you go to visit a friend and they don't serve halal food.
In practice, many Muslims have to segregate themselves in the way that other religions don't. She is probably now doing Ramadan, and so not eating during daylight.
Converts also tend to be more zealous in their approach to the faith, so the way in which she practices will be all the more consuming.
I am not religious myself, but have tried to read the Qur'an and can't find the appeal, given that it is boring and repetitive and obsessed with punishment.
If you take out the bits that say things like "Allah is great, worship Allah, if you don't worship Allah you'll be punished" it would be pretty short. I don't understand what attracts a convert.
But apparently I have to read it in Arabic to truly understand it, and that would involve me learning Arabic.
But this is often used to shut down criticism - you can't criticise the Qur'an unless you have studied it for twenty years in Arabic.
And apologies to any Muslims reading this - this might come across as offensive, but that's just my perspective.
And it certainly isn't the case everywhere - I know Muslims who do not believe that the flood of Noah literally happened, despite it saying so in the Qur'an and who like a beer or two.
Yskandr - :- hey OP are you a woman? asking because you've posted about PCOS before. in case yes, *are you aware how Islam treats lesbians?* (if not, their track record with trans folks isn't much better...)
Illustrious-Duck1681 - :->she expressed her interest in Islam RED FLAG. With that said, you are not compatible anymore. NTA.
According-Let3541 - :- NAH. If she’s now a practising Muslim, it’s likely your relationship will end anyway as Islam doesn’t allow for non-marital relationships.
carmabound - :- NTA - If she plans on raising your children in a religious faith (no matter which one) and you don't want that - it's better to face that reality before the relationship progresses.
honorthecrones - :- The relationship was established under different parameters. She changes the parameters, you are allowed to rethink the relationship. You don’t need to be an AH about it though. Just an honest and respectful conversation about how this changes your futures.
The individual is caught between deep love for their partner and the difficult reality that a fundamental shift in their partner's core beliefs has introduced significant emotional distance and discomfort.
The conflict centers on the dissonance between the established, shared non-religious foundation of their three-year relationship and the partner's active embrace of a new, organized religion.
Given that the bedrock of their shared future—the upbringing of children and core belief systems—has dramatically changed after a long-term commitment, is it reasonable to expect a partner to remain fully supportive of a path they fundamentally oppose, or has the partner's conversion effectively changed the terms of the relationship beyond repair?