AITA for refusing to give up my dorm bed to my roommate’s homeless boyfriend?
In the fragile ecosystem of college dorm life, a young woman’s quiet patience is stretched to its breaking point.
What began as a simple act of kindness—allowing her roommate’s boyfriend to stay temporarily—has turned into a suffocating ordeal of invasion and disrespect, leaving her trapped in a space that no longer feels like her own sanctuary.
Caught between empathy and self-preservation, she confronts the harsh reality that generosity without boundaries can breed resentment and discomfort.
As tensions rise and friendships fray, she faces judgment not only from her roommate but from their peers, wrestling with the painful question of what it truly means to stand up for oneself when kindness is mistaken for weakness.
I (19F) am in my second year of college and share a dorm room with another girl (also 19F). We get along okay, not super close.
About a week into the semester, she asked if her boyfriend (20M) could crash with us for “a few nights” because he had a falling out with his parents and “had nowhere to go.”
I said sure, thinking it was temporary.
Fast forward three weeks, he's literally still here. He sleeps in her bed, uses our stuff, eats my snacks, and hasn’t once said thank you. He’s not even a student.
I finally told her he needs to go or at least stay somewhere else a few nights a week because I don’t feel comfortable.
She got mad and said I was “lucky to have a home to go back to” and accused me of being heartless.
She then asked *me* to sleep on the floor a few nights so he could “stretch out.”
I laughed and said absolutely not. Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder and some of our floormates think I’m being selfish.
AITA for not letting my roommate’s homeless boyfriend live with us or take my bed?
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THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.:
The internet jumped in fast, delivering everything from kind advice to cold truth. It’s a mix of empathy, outrage, and no-nonsense takes.
crystaltears15 - :- NTA. Report immediately. I am sure you have rules at your place. 3 weeks is long enough. He is an outsider. You don't know this person's background. Keep in mind your safety. Also, ask to be moved to a different room.
Lishyjune - :- Can you report him anonymously to the floor supervisor or whatever you have there? He’s taking the piss now after three weeks. What does he do all day aside from eat your snacks?
Melodic-Ear-4083 - :- Oh hell no NTA! Who the hell do they think they are??!! You should definitely report it to whoever you need to get him removed.... It's not a damn hostel it's your college room!!
ComprehensiveBand586 - :- NTA. Get a lockbox for your snacks. And tell your roommate that if he doesn't leave you'll tell your RA. She's breaking the rules by letting him live there.
gytherin - :- NTA. And apart from anything else, your judgy floormates can give him their beds, to demonstrate how unself they are.
SomeoneYouDontKnow70 - :- NTA. If your roommate won't kick him out, get your RA involved. I'm pretty sure that this is against policy. Your floormates calling you selfish over this is absolutely crazy. A twenty year old man is perfectly capable of getting a job and renting his own apartment.
bestbobever - :- Tell her to send her hobosexual packing. 3 weeks is plenty of time to figure something out. Tell any of the floormates who think you are being selfish they are welcome to take him in. If she gives you *ANY* grief, involve the RA and end this nonsense.
The original poster is facing a significant boundary violation within her shared living space, leading to discomfort and resentment over an uninvited, long-term guest.
Her attempt to reclaim her personal space was met with defensiveness and counter-accusations from her roommate, highlighting a conflict between personal need for comfort and the roommate's dependence on her.
Is it reasonable to uphold personal boundaries regarding shared living space, even when a roommate faces personal crisis, or does the severity of the boyfriend's situation necessitate sacrificing personal comfort and space?