AITA for choosing not to continue working with my cleaning lady after she took advantage of me?
In a world where kindness often goes unnoticed, one simple act of generosity bridged two very different lives.
A well-meaning employer, moved by the struggles of her cleaning lady and her three children far away, chose to extend not just fair wages but heartfelt support, hoping to ease the weight of distance and hardship during the holiday season. But generosity, no matter how genuine, can sometimes tread a fragile line.
As requests grew from sneakers to an iPad, the delicate balance between compassion and boundaries was tested, revealing the complex emotions and unspoken tensions that underpin acts of giving in a world divided by circumstance.
I have a cleaning lady who comes to my home once a week. She has three kids back in her home country, and since labor is relatively cheap where I live, I decided to pay her double the average rate.
I get paid well, so it wasn’t a big deal for me, and I felt good about helping her. For Christmas, I gave her extra cash as a gift to help with presents for her kids, and she was very grateful.
When I was traveling to the U.S., I told her that if she needed anything that wasn’t available here, she could let me know.
At first, she said she didn’t need anything, but once I was there, she asked for sneakers for her kids and foundation makeup for herself.
I thought it was a bit much, but since it was Christmas, I decided to get them for her. Then she asked if I could buy an iPad for her kids. That’s when I started feeling uncomfortable.
I told her I couldn’t do that. Later, while she was still with her kids, she messaged me saying she didn’t have enough money for her trip back and asked if I could send some.
It wasn’t a huge amount, but it made me feel frustrated. I ended up sending it, but now I’ve decided to stop working with her.
I know I should have set better boundaries from the start, but I feel taken advantage of. Some of my friends say it’s entirely my fault for being too generous, while others say it’s a mix of both of our faults.
I just feel like not everyone would have pushed as much as she did and that this was wrong of her to do. What do others think?
I don’t feel comfortable working with her anymore and chose to work with someone else. I wonder if this makes me an A and whether I should tell her the reason why I feel this way or just let it go.
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AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.:
Users didn’t stay quiet — they showed up in full force, mixing support with sharp criticism. From calling out bad behavior to offering real talk, the comments lit up fast.
Angelicastor - :- NTA. You were generous to your cleaning lady, but you are not obligated to fulfill every request she makes.
It's understandable that you felt taken advantage of, and you have the right to end your professional relationship with her.
TatyanaIvanshov - :- Not the asshole at all. When you're going above and beyond on a professional level like this, that doesn't suddenly become the norm on which you base future exchanges. You extended a helping hand where it felt appropriate and she kinda trampled all over that.
Teacher-Investor - :- You were generous and gave the impression that money was no object. Then you made an open-ended offer to buy anything her kids might want from the U.S. You're NTA, but you kind of brought this situation upon yourself. Don't do this with the next housekeeper.
ChicagoWhiteSox35 - :- NTA. You were overly generous by paying her double to begin with. And then she started asking for weird things. I would've put my foot down with a simple "No" when she started asking for sneakers and other items.
Shoes, iPad, and more money? No thanks. I'm not sure what else I'd say to her, but I probably wouldn't keep her around.
Practical_Toucan - :- NTA. She tried to take advantage of you and that's entirely her fault. It's understandable that you don't feel comfortable working with her anymore.
Helpful-Science-3937 - :- What you need to take away from this is to keep the relationship professional. Salary and a holiday bonus is plenty and typical.
Stop offering personal favors such as picking things up for them and paying out extras; then you won’t be taken advantage of. You opened the door for her but she definitely took advantage.
Also if you keep the relationship professional and about the service provided, then you will not have a need to lie.
You do realize it is not difficult to figure out you didn’t move and people in the same line of work tend to talk. Good luck - keep it professional!
MiaMorayyy - :- This is a truly classic scenario of “killing the goose who laid the golden eggs.” You were kind and extremely generous and she had to push for more.
I can’t even imagine asking someone else for an iPad, much less from my BOSS who is paying me a ton more than anywhere else in my field. NTA
The individual initially acted out of genuine generosity, significantly overpaying the cleaner to support her family abroad.
This positive intent eventually collided with escalating requests that moved from helpful gestures to substantial financial demands, leading the original poster (OP) to feel exploited and morally conflicted about their own kindness.
If the OP chose to end the working relationship due to feeling taken advantage of, is it more ethical to offer a clear explanation of the boundary violations, or is it kinder and safer to simply terminate the service without detailed confrontation?
How should one balance honesty with preserving personal safety and minimizing conflict when ending a professional relationship based on shifting expectations?