AITA for refusing to move back in with my mom?
She had carved out her independence early, stepping into the world on her own terms just after turning eighteen.
Despite the financial challenges and emotional complexities tied to her mother’s evolving relationships, she stood firm, determined to build a life defined by self-reliance and clear boundaries.
When her mother’s home—the anchor of so many memories—became a battleground of love lost and uncertain futures, the offer to return felt more like a test than a refuge.
Her refusal wasn’t just about rent; it was a powerful assertion of her autonomy amid the shifting sands of family loyalty and personal growth.
I (21F) moved out of my mom’s (44F) house a few months after I turned 18.
I have worked full time the entire time since moving out to support myself, with minimal financial assistance from my parents (Mom helped out with half of my insurance payments for the first two years, I’ve always paid rent on my own and currently pay everything on my own.).
My mom owns a house with her now ex-partner/my step dad. I love them both. A bit over a year ago, my mom came out as polyamorous.
There was no cheating, and her and my step dad spent a year trying to make things work. They were going to therapy and taking things slowly, but ultimately they decided to call it quits a few months ago.
Now my step dad wants to sell the house and my mom does not.
My mom messaged me a few weeks ago asking if I would be interested in moving back in with her if I could have the master bedroom and pay the same rent I do at my current place (about $1000 per month.) I flat out told her no.
I told her it’s going to cause my commute to work to be 2-4 times longer, take me 45 minutes away from my partner, prevent me from having the lifestyle I want, not save me any money, and cause me stress due to living in the same house as my immediate family when I’m a young adult with a life.
I apologized but explained to her clearly that it’s just not in the cards. She acted like she understood that. Today, she sent me another text putting on way more pressure.
She basically told me flat out if I don’t move back in she’s gonna have to sell the house. So now I feel like it’s my fault if she has to sell the house.
She also said that we would have to get an ADDITIONAL roommate on top of me living with my mom and younger sibling. I’m just so frustrated.
I don’t want to live with the guilt of feeling like it’s my fault if she loses the house, but her losing the house has absolutely nothing to do with me.
At the same time, she’s my mom, and I don’t want to leave her high and dry. Would I be the asshole if I flat out refuse to help her with this?
I just don’t want to compromise the life I’ve built for myself over something I did absolutely nothing to cause
Subscribe to Our Newsletter
No spam, unsubscribe anytime. Privacy Policy
AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.:
It didn’t take long before the comment section turned into a battleground of strong opinions and even stronger emotions.
hopingtothrive - :->my step dad wants to sell the house and my mom does not. The house is their problem. Do not feel guilty over their choices. When couples break up it's up to them to figure it out. Your mom is not "loosing" the house.
They will split the assets according to the agreement they have with each other. Do not involve yourself or take sides.
That_Falcon7111 - :- NTA, mate. Ya gotta look out for #1. Your mum's choices ain't on you, and you shouldn't have to uproot your life to fix her problems. Stay firm, you're not the one in the wrong here. 💯
thiccncharming - :- Your mom's financial situation and living arrangements are NOT your responsibility. You've been supporting yourself since 18, which is more than many do. Honestly, this sounds like classic guilt-tripping. She's putting a huge emotional burden on you for her choices, which is super unfair.
CommunicationGlad299 - :- Your mother made choices in her marriage. There are consequences for those choices. Those consequences are hers, not yours. As we all know, the dildo of consequences seldom comes lubed.
Your mother's house is not going into foreclosure with the bank standing ready to throw her out. She can sell it and take the split proceeds to find somewhere else to live, or she can try to refinance it.
What she doesn't get to do is guilt her own child into bailing her out of her own consequences. Maybe suggest she talk to some of her poly partners about moving in and paying rent. Or she could find some roommates. It doesn't have to be you, just because it would be easier for your mother.
vapid-voice - :- Thank you so much to all of the commenters for your support. I have OCD and I’m a major pushover, so it can be really difficult for me to trust myself when asserting boundaries. Everyone’s positive support and advice means a lot to me.
Caspian4136 - :- NTA Your mom needs to realize that she cannot afford the house on her own even if she gets a roommate. Don't let her guilt you into anything.
As I get how much it sucks for her and she doesn't want to lose her house, at the same time, it's her life and she needs to figure it out.
If she can't afford it with you paying $1K and then needing an additional roommate on top of that....she's in fantasy land right now.
avid-learner-bot - :- NTA, your decision to stand firm and protect your independence makes total sense... you're not the one who needs to fix your mom's mess, she's got her own choices to make, and it's not your job to carry that weight.
The individual is caught between their established independent life and a strong sense of obligation toward their mother, who is facing a housing crisis following a relationship separation.
The central conflict lies in the pressure applied by the mother, making the daughter feel responsible for the potential loss of the family home, despite having clearly communicated boundaries and established self-sufficiency.
Given that the daughter has built a stable, independent life that moving back would jeopardize, is it acceptable to prioritize her established autonomy, or does the emotional bond and family duty require her to sacrifice her current lifestyle to prevent her mother from facing housing instability?