AITA for calling my wife out on giving "joint" birthday present without me there?
A father wrestles with a quiet ache on his son’s fifth birthday, absent from the morning’s joy due to work commitments that keep him away when his children wake.
The little moments he misses weigh heavily on him, especially when he learns his wife has already given their son a birthday present, one meant to be shared but instead given alone, stirring feelings of exclusion and hurt.
In the tender space between love and misunderstanding, he confronts the pain of missing out on his child’s excitement firsthand.
What should be a celebration of togetherness becomes a test of trust and intention, as he questions whether the early gift was a thoughtful kindness or a selfish act that steals from their shared joy.
The original poster's son is celebrating his fifth birthday today. The poster is away overnight some nights due to work commitments and was not present this morning. Even if he had been home, he would have left for work before the children woke up.
A party is planned for Saturday, and the OP will be present for dinner tonight. The poster realized his wife gave their son a present this morning, which she stated was from 'us.' She apparently does this every year.
The poster felt hurt and told his wife this, believing it was selfish of her not to wait to share the son's excitement. The wife’s reason is that it is unfair to make the son wait. The poster finds this excuse ridiculous, believing the child absolutely could wait.
The poster told his wife that the only reason to give the gift early is the selfishness of wanting to experience the joy alone without sharing it. The poster asks if he is the asshole (AITA).
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HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
The internet jumped in fast, delivering everything from kind advice to cold truth. It’s a mix of empathy, outrage, and no-nonsense takes.
toujourspret - :- I think it's pretty telling that you seem put off by her saying the gift was from "us", too, and that apparently she does this often.
It sounds a lot like you're pretty checked out from the family and only just now seeing what she's doing to make sure things flow smoothly and the kids think you care. You should do better.
Sweet_Mist_ - :- Dude, you’re totally the AH here... Your wife just wanted to make your son happy on his birthday, and you’re making it all about you. Get over yourself.
KeekyPep - :- Your wife is selfish and ridiculous. Of course the kid could wait and of course both parents should be there when gifts are being opened. NTA
aquatoombow - :- YTA- you're not the AH for having feelings. But you are mad at the wrong person. Having a gift in the morning is fun and not your child's or wife's responsibility to include you in that moment if you "have" to be elsewhere.
You can still do things with him and give him a gift. I have done exactly this before. Husband had to work, I had breakfast and a gift with the child. Husband came home and we had birthday dinner! Husband is happy, child is happy, mum is happy.
Waluigi9997 - :- Bro let your kid open a present the morning of his birthday. If it's so important to you, you should book a vacation day off of work to be there
gabrielle1975 - :- YTA - Wait, is he 5 years old or are you? Let your wife make his actual birthday special for him (with your blessing) whether you can be there or not. It’s his day.
Specialist_Badger934 - :- My husband wakes up and leaves for work before the kids get up for school. When their birthdays are on a weekday, we get up slightly early and go to the local Starbucks so they can get a birthday treat before school.
Is my husband supposed to whine about that? Because he knows we've been doing this for years, and he hasn't gotten to participate. YTA. Don't try to rob your kid of some birthday joy because you feel guilty that you're not a great parent.
The original poster (OP) is clearly feeling hurt and excluded because his wife presented their son's birthday gift from both parents on the morning of his fifth birthday, while the OP was away for work.
The central conflict lies between the OP's belief that the gift presentation should have been a shared experience later in the day, and the wife's insistence that making the child wait until the planned weekend party is unfair to him.
Was the wife justified in presenting the gift from both parents alone to avoid disappointing the young child, or did her action disrespect the OP's desire to share in that significant moment?
Should the OP prioritize the immediate happiness of the child over maintaining a shared ritual for gift-giving?