AITA for building a ridiculously high privacy fence for a Downs Syndrome annoying neighbor?
From the moment they moved in, an invisible barrier of mistrust and misunderstanding settled between the family and their German Shepherd, echoing the silent tension that would soon ripple beyond their fence.
What began as a protective boundary for peace slowly became a stage where the quiet struggles of a special-needs neighbor unfolded, revealing the fragile lines between privacy, kindness, and the yearning for connection.
Jeff, a gentle soul trapped in a world that often feels too complex, found himself fixated on the flickering lights and movements beyond his window, a small ladder his perch to a world he could observe but never fully grasp.
His innocent demands to "TURN EM OFF" at night are not just about the lights—they are a poignant cry for understanding in a shared space where neighbors’ lives intersect in unexpected and heart-wrenching ways.
We bought and moved in in October 2020, then quickly built a fence for our 1 GSD who has hated this whole family since day 1, for no reason. We already have a 6ft privacy fence on that side of our house, initially for them to get some peace from our dog.
Fast forward to today, my neighbors are very elderly and they have a son, Jeff, 54yrs old with DS, who lives in his own apartment they built behind their garage. 2 of his windows face our privacy fence and back deck.
Before we built the fence Jeff would just stand in his window and stare at us, now he stands on a small ladder in his window and stares at us. He is a nice guy, he is a couple years older than me, but mentally he is probably 8-10 years old.
We have had profits him in the past, him shining his flash light at us while we were in our hot tub, and bedrooms at night. His parents took care of that for us.
Lately Jeff is yelling at us to "TURN EM OFF" from another window, when we are out side with the dogs at night, with our porch lights on. Now here is the problem we have, Jeff is very very nosey, and wants to talk EVERY SINGLE TIME we are outside.
He will say Hi to me 4 to 6 times a day on the weekend and try to start small talk. My wife is over it and I am very very close to building a 12 ft tall fence over there.
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THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.:
The crowd poured into the comments, bringing a blend of heated opinions, solid advice, and a few reality checks along the way.
terayonjf - :- As long as there's no laws preventing a build like that NAH. You aren't required to entertain neighbors regardless of mental capacity.
ImFuckingUgly-Not - :- Check the fence height code first
cassowary32 - :- NTA. Have you talked to his parents? DS or no, he's being a peeping Tom and that's illegal. Can a social worker be involved or are cops the next step? Can they help with some strategies to get him down from the ladder and stop with the flashlight?
Ok-Dealer4350 - :- We had a neighbor with DS growing up. He could become violent and chase us with a knife without provocation. We knew to stay away. At a certain point, it was too much for his father and he moved to a facility.
It isn’t like this yet, but privacy is being invaded. The parents need to be reminded. Maybe plant trees. A 12 foot fence seems rather awkward.
Boobookittyfhk - :- I was able to do a quick low cost addition; Attach lattice to the top of the fence and grow some kind of vine? I did this to a small section of my yard where my mine and my neighbors deck are right next to each other.
I have a border collie and he has an Aussie and will stand on our patio furniture and “talk” to each other all day otherwise. Fortunately, vines already grow on a part of my house and a section of that fence already. I also grow morning glories across my fence because it’s my husband’s birth/month flower.
UserZero541 - :- Not sure where you live but a 12 foot fence may not be permitted by city code. In my town 6 foot is the limit for a fence. I have found that strategically placed sun shades with cables work well with this kind of problem.
Zeus2068123 - :- Talk to the parents first. Maybe see if there is a social worker involved and you could talk to them. He probably bothered the parents so much they moved him out there. You build a taller fence, they get him a taller ladder. Last option is to go to the police and see if they have any options.
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant distress due to constant, unwanted observation and interaction from a neighbor's adult son with developmental disabilities, leading to a feeling of invasion of privacy.
The core conflict lies between the OP's clear need for personal space and boundaries on their own property and the neighbor's son's persistent, attention-seeking behavior, which is difficult to manage due to his cognitive limitations.
Is the OP justified in escalating the physical barrier to an extreme height (12ft fence) to regain privacy, or would further direct communication with the parents, focused on establishing firm, clear behavioral boundaries for their son, be the more appropriate next step in resolving this strained neighborly relationship?