WIBTA if I constantly corrected the spelling of my daughter's name?
A mother watches quietly as the simple, everyday mispronunciations of her daughter's name chip away at her confidence.
What seems like a small error to others becomes a persistent reminder to her child that she is not being seen or heard correctly—a painful erosion of identity that no one should have to endure.
Now, faced with the choice to stay silent or fiercely protect the name her daughter holds dear, the mother wrestles with how to stand up for the little girl whose self-worth has been quietly wounded.
This is more than a name—it's a battle for respect, recognition, and the sacred right to be truly known.
My (39F) daughter (11F) has a name that I feel is pretty common, without any unusual spellings or anything. While she was growing up, people would often get the last letter of her name wrong and I wouldn't say anything. If they noticed and apologized, I said it was no big deal.
Not her actual name, but think Christine, and constantly being called Christina. Over the last few months, I have also noticed that it's an almost *constant* issue and she has asked not to go by her full name because it bothers her when people get it wrong.
I even filled in an electronic request for her to have a library card and they STILL spelled it wrong. I'm considering being more forceful about it when I see the mistake. Correcting it every single time, theoretically without being rude. Is this a weird hill to die on?
Should I talk to my daughter about it? Just let her always use her nickname? Or is this something that, since it is clearly affecting her, is sort of my job as her parent to support her over?
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Practical-Friend-407 - :- NTA for correcting people. But you are the AH as you should have been correcting people from the start. You’ve taught her that her name is not important enough for people to get right.
My name follows basic english pronunciation and people still get it wrong, I can remember from a toddler my mother correcting people.
Salty-Sprinkles-1562 - :- I'm wondering if autocorrect might be playing a role here. I’ve worked in over 30 libraries across the country, and in my experience, the card application process is fairly consistent everywhere.
We don't change the spelling of anyone’s name, even if it’s uncommon or spelled in a unique way. We trust they are spelled correctly on the application. Typically, patrons fill out a form that automatically creates a record in our system.
We scan the barcode for the card, do some basic census data stuff, but all of the info you typed in is already in the record when we get it. We don’t manually enter or alter personal information like names, because accuracy is essential.
If someone comes in without their card, we need to be able to pull up their record quickly, and having the correct spelling is crucial for that.
All that to say, it might be worth checking if your phone or computer is auto-correcting her name to the more common version. That kind of thing can definitely cause confusion. I completely get how frustrating it is.
My stepdaughter has a uniquely spelled name (think "Jinnifer" instead of "Jennifer"), and I have to correct people constantly. And everyone also pronounces her name wrong. So annoying.
I just tried typing her name now, and sure enough, my phone auto-corrected it. So you're definitely NTA. Just wanted to through out my auto-correct theory in case it might help make your life any easier. Definitely do not ever stop correcting people. It’s her name! And call the library and have them change it immediately.
memphys91 - :- NTA As someone whose name has been misspelled or mispronounced or misspelled (both first and last name) throughout her life, who has received sought-after pet names, I can only motivate you to keep correcting other people about your daughter's name.
It's a lifelong struggle, but it's necessary. Your daughter has a name, not using it out of laziness is disrespectful. Keep it up, you want your daughter to see that it's perfectly okay to stand up for herself and not just smile it away.
Kaulaili - :- NTA - As someone with a special name that REQUIRES nicknames for people to get it right I could only image what it's like with an average name that people still couldn't say.
I've had to change my already shortened nickname to an even shorter nickname but the appointment reminders never get easier. I am 20 now and everytime I have to correct someone I hope they can hear that I'm not correcting them nicely. Its quite ignorant if im being honest
Athrynne - :- I have a name that has several common spelling variations, so much so that after I say my name, I automatically spell it out for people. My mom did the same when I was little.
She got really mad at preschool when they tried to give me a nickname because my name was "too hard for me to spell."
lordannas1981 - :- Every single person on this planet deserves (and IMO has the right) to have their name spelt and pronounced correctly. To me it sounds like OP already has her daughter's back, so definitely NTA.
Virtual-Light4941 - :- NTA, defend her and she'll see it's important to stand up for herself too ! Names are basic things to be correct on!
I love living in a multicultural city and I pride myself on making sure I pronounce and spell peoples names correctly because it's important to acknowledge other human beings in that basic way. The name you chose is important to acknowledge.
The original poster (OP) is struggling with the persistent misspelling of her daughter's common name, which is now causing distress for the 11-year-old.
The conflict lies between the OP's past tendency to overlook these errors and her current realization that this pattern is negatively impacting her daughter's comfort and self-perception.
Should the parent firmly enforce the correct spelling of the daughter's name in all situations, or is it better to support the daughter adopting a nickname to avoid constant correction and potential social friction?