AITAH for... letting something happen with my wife and my nephew?
In a fragile household where trust and boundaries once seemed clear, an unexpected tension brews beneath the surface.
A man finds himself wrestling with a creeping sense of betrayal as the closeness between his wife and his nephew—a young man he cares for deeply—shifts into something unrecognizable, threatening to unravel the foundation of their lives.
What began as innocent camaraderie morphs into a haunting silence filled with unanswered questions and uneasy glances.
In the quiet of the night, when the house should be a sanctuary, the painful reality dawns: the lines between family, friendship, and desire have blurred, leaving a man lost in a storm of confusion and heartbreak.
My wife (30s) and I (40s) have been married for a while. We've had an open aspect to our marriage for some time, something we've always discussed and navigated carefully. It's usually with other couples or people we don't have a strong personal connection with.
My nephew (19) has been staying with us for a few weeks. He's a good kid, trying to figure things out, and we were happy to help him out. He's basically like a younger brother to me, not just a nephew. Things have been... weird.
My wife and my nephew have always gotten along well, but lately, there's been a different vibe. Lots of laughing, inside jokes, late-night talks. I didn't think much of it at first, just figured they were bonding.
Then, a few nights ago, I came home later than expected from a work thing. The house was quiet. I went to bed, and my wife wasn't there. I found her... in the living room, with my nephew. Things had clearly happened. I didn't make a scene. I just... froze.
They both looked mortified. My wife immediately started crying and apologizing. My nephew looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. We've had some incredibly difficult conversations since then.
My wife is saying it was a mistake, a lapse in judgment, fueled by alcohol and the weird dynamic of him being here. My nephew is just shell-shocked and doesn't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I feel betrayed, obviously.
Not just because of the open marriage aspect, but because it was *my nephew*. It feels like a violation of a different kind of trust, a family trust. My wife is begging me to forgive her, saying she'll do anything. My nephew is talking about leaving immediately.
I just feel numb and confused. Am I the asshole for... not immediately shutting down the possibility of this happening? For having an open marriage in the first place? For not seeing the signs?
Or am I the asshole for even considering trying to work through this, given who was involved?
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REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.:
The thread exploded with reactions. Whether agreeing or disagreeing, everyone had something to say — and they said it loud.
Anniebelle1020 - :- Reverse the rolls…30 something uncle with a 19 yo (not blood related) niece. We would all be screaming much louder than we are! Grooming? Inappropriate? Twisted? Having an open relationship is 1 thing…sleeping with your nephew is unforgivable. I blame her as an adult in a power position as she took advantage of him.
Pi99y92 - :- NTA, why would your wife think that family would be an appropriate avenue to include in your open marriage.
Chuck60s - :- Alcohol is no excuse for what she did with a family member who's a teenager as well! Open relationships are one thing, but this to me says something about her character that I couldn't get past without divorcing her. Good luck
unicornhair1991 - :- I'm assuming your wife has known your nephew for quite some years. That adds an extra layer of creepy predatory grossness to this. If this was an older guy and a 19 year old girl, EVERYONE would be screaming "groomer".
Well it happens the other way round too. It's not just the huge betrayal of trust, it's that your wife has been downright predatory. You didn't let this happen. This is NOT your fault.
herefortheshow99 - :- Is this your sister or brothers child? I have kids, I have a husband and a brother. Im a woman, your wife is disgusting. To me, this is absolutely abhorrent behavior. I wouldn't even be in the same room with her again. Terrible, terrible judgment. Totally preventable. She wanted to do it.
rememberimapersontoo - :- this was predatory behaviour of your wife. he might be an adult but he’s only 19 and she [was] a trusted family member. it’s super creepy. i could never see her the same way again. NTA
OkPanda8627 - :- Younger people have a reason to feel atttaction towards older adults with established lives, but older adults in established lives have no reason to feel or feed into attraction into teenagers.
She most likely played into a mild crush he had and might’ve groomed him. I’d definitely talk to your nephew and get details. I’d divorce her. It’s gross.
If you can handle it, when she’s out of the picture, let him stay with you until he’s able to go on his own and ensure he is aware that age gaps are not appropriate in whatever type of intimate relationship. NTA
The original poster (OP) is experiencing profound emotional distress, feeling deeply betrayed because the infidelity involved his nephew, which introduces a severe breach of family trust layered onto the existing boundaries of their open marriage.
His wife is seeking forgiveness based on it being a mistake, while the nephew wishes to flee the situation, leaving the OP caught between feelings of personal betrayal and confusion over how to proceed.
Should the OP prioritize the violation of family integrity over the pre-existing agreement of their open marriage, or is the entire concept of their relationship structure fundamentally incompatible with maintaining necessary familial boundaries? Is forgiveness possible when the breach involves such a close, protected family member?