WIBTAH if I said someone’s trans husband couldn’t attend a women’s dinner?
In a city where women seek connection and community, one organizer strives to create inclusive spaces that celebrate diversity and understanding.
Balancing personal challenges like Celiac disease with the desire to foster friendship, she carefully curates monthly meetups designed to welcome all women and explore new experiences together.
Yet, when faced with the delicate question of whether a trans man can join these gatherings, she finds herself at a crossroads of empathy and boundaries.
Her intention is clear: to keep the space drama-free and respectful, but the complexity of identity and inclusion challenges her to navigate uncharted emotional terrain with compassion and integrity.
I am in a group for women who are 30-50 in my area. It’s basically a way for women to make friends in my city. The group is a sub group (12.5k members) of the large group (over 20k). Anyways, I’ve been organizing dinner meetups once a month that are designed to be inclusive.
I have Celiac and am looking for ways to cycle through dry dinners, vegan dinners, cocktail nights, winery, etc. Basically trying a variety of new places around the city. To the question. I had a woman reach out and asked if her trans husband could attend the dinner.
The woman used he / him pronouns towards her husband (her pronouns were on her profile). Her husband looks like a woman so is likely in the beginning stages? I want these to be drama free and just a way for women to meet women.
I wasn’t sure if this is considered an AH move to say “since he identifies as a man, I don’t think it’s appropriate” or not. This might be stupid but I don’t want to be rude.
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THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.:
When users weighed in, they held nothing back. It’s a raw, honest look at what people really think.
SadBadPuppyDad - :- NTA. "No one else's husband is attending".
DevotedRed - :- “I’m afraid we don’t allow husbands to attend our events unfortunately.” NTA
Realistic-Fig3820 - :- NTA. it’s the same as if any other women attending asked if their husbands could attend. The answer would be no.
gringaellie - :- NTA you're respecting his trans identity by saying no.
IxRisor452 - :- "I'm sorry, but this is a women-only group. There are no men allowed, husbands included. All husbands will be staying behind." You are literally respecting and affirming his gender identity by refusing him entry to the dinner. It is a **women only** group. Just tell her plainly that no husbands are allowed. NTA.
Remarkable_Mall2264 - :- You may want to clarify the husband's pronouns. If they are he/him you could politely say that the event is specifically for female identifying individuals, and that you don't want him to feel out of place.
LeadershipGood8559 - :- Is this a real question? As a trans man I would 100% say no, he’s not invited. It’s for women only. Is he a woman or not?
The original poster (OP) is facing a conflict between their desire to keep the women-only social group focused strictly on female bonding and the request to include the transgender husband of a member.
The OP is hesitant to exclude the individual, fearing they might be perceived as rude or unkind, yet they also feel protective of the group's established boundary regarding gender inclusion.
Should the OP prioritize the explicitly stated, informal purpose of the group—women meeting women—even if it means potentially excluding the husband of a current member, or is the inclusive action of allowing the husband a greater priority in maintaining group harmony?