AITA for telling coworker they hurt my feelings calling me wrong name constantly.
She carries a name that is uniquely hers, a quiet emblem of her identity that rarely graces the ears of those around her.
Yet, day after day, she is overshadowed by a name not her own—Victoria—a misnomer that clings to her like a shadow, eroding the edges of who she truly is.
The constant misnaming, especially from those she trusts and works alongside, chips away at her spirit, turning small slips into deep wounds of invisibility.
This persistent disregard from a familiar coworker, someone she once felt comfortable with, stings the most.
Her gentle pleas to be seen and called by the name that belongs to her fall on deaf ears, leaving her heart heavy with the ache of being overlooked.
In these moments, her quiet resilience battles with the raw pain of feeling unseen, yearning for the simple respect of being recognized as she truly is.
My name starts with a V and while it’s a name people have heard, I don’t run into people with my name often at all. Maybe once every couple of years. I get called Victoria constantly- to the point I know people mean me when they say “hey Victoria”.
People will misread my name even at the dr office etc. I feel like this is why everyone typically calls me V or a shortened version of my name. I smile and correct people normally when they call me Victoria: . It’s happening so often lately that it’s starting to really get to me.
Four times today alone I was called Victoria. Number of times my actual full name was used? Maybe 1-2 times. The biggest culprits is a co worker of 8 months Im friendly with.
The second time today alone he called me Victoria, I shook my head and told him, “It really hurts my feelings that you can’t remember my name or even to just call me V.
Even the employees who’ve been here2-3 weeks call me V or my full name.” It just got to me, to the point I was genuinely hurt; so I went into the break room to make myself a mug of tea and compose myself. When I got back to my desk, our other coworker was upset.
They told me “I can’t believe you did that- he just buried his father!” She pointed out that literally no one in the office calls her by her real name- true but it’s cute derivatives of her actual name or Ms (first letter).
As someone who’s lost a parent I definitely understand mourning, however it’s been a month since the funeral. The guy I got upset with was giving me the stink eye the rest of the night. I was blunt and impatient when I spoke to him, but I didn’t raise my voice at all.
When I told my husband he told me I was wrong and should let it go, since half the time I’m called my pen name anyway (I am never actually called by my pen name ftr and never IRL. Just online) AITA because he just lost his dad and used a pen name online?
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REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.:
What started as a simple post quickly turned into a wildfire of opinions, with users chiming in from all sides.
SoftPuzzleheaded7671 - :- also when they mispronounce a first, or last name, after being told multiple times, is the surname is other than Smith it's beyond some people.
or deliberately calling someone by a diminutive form of their name when they have made it clear they don't like that..trying to dominate by calling someone Billy, Sammy, Kevvy, Kenny, etc.
or a version they don't like, Trisha, Trish, Patty, instead of Patricia ..Liz, Lizzy, Beth vs. Elizabeth
SoftPuzzleheaded7671 - :- my wife's name is Corinne, she says it Cor-een, when I say it many people " correct" me.." oh, you mean ka-rin".
TALKTOME0701 - :- NTA His loss is sad, but unless he cannot remember anybody else's name, there's no reason for him not to remember yours. That's basic common courtesy. If he wants to blame you because you want to be called by your name, he's the one with the problem.
Just stop answering unless they call you by your name When they finally come up and tap your shoulder or something to say oh I didn't hear you call me
Krazzy4u - :- When someone calls me by the wrong name, even after I corrected them, I call them by the wrong name. Doesn't take long before they get it right. Lol
ComradeOFdoom - :- "It just got to me, to the point I was genuinely hurt; so I went into the break room to make myself a mug of tea and compose myself" YTA, it's not that deep. You might be friendly but you're not close friends. Anyone can make the same mistake.
TylerDurden42077 - :- ESH yeah he should do a better job at remembering you’re name but I would totally slip up with saying Vitoria over Veronica but that not the point he’s been a nice person for the most part besides that why make a big deal about it so that’s where you are wrong so I would say 70/30 you are more wrong for the temper But also I saw you edited and you got rid of the part that said he was a nice guy for the most part as well and I mean you needed to edit it so I’m basing it on that original post that was typed wrong cause I feel like you deleted that tbh to look better.
Aware_Welcome_8866 - :- NTA. I think most people prefer to be called their actual name. As someone who is mourning the loss of her father more than a year later, one month is a second in the span of grief. But when is it going to be a good time to tell him? 2 months after?
Six? A year? And listen to him calling you Victoria all this time? You did not mean to hurt him. You could always tell him you’re sorry you were short tempered.
The original poster (OP) experienced repeated misnaming by a coworker, leading to genuine hurt because they felt their identity was being disregarded, especially as this behavior was widespread among other colleagues.
This emotional reaction was immediately criticized by another coworker who emphasized the colleague's recent bereavement, and later by the OP's husband who suggested letting the issue pass due to external circumstances.
Was the OP justified in directly confronting a coworker about repeated misnaming, despite that coworker recently experiencing a significant personal loss, or should the OP have prioritized empathy and delayed addressing the pattern of disrespect for their name?