AITA for telling my sister-in-law to stop “Playing poor” around my kids?
In the quiet aftermath of her divorce, Lily found solace in simplicity, embracing a life stripped of excess and the weight of financial worry.
Her newfound perspective on freedom through having less has quietly seeped into the hearts of those around her, especially the children she lovingly watches, planting seeds of doubt about the comforts their parents have worked so hard to provide.
Amid the tender balance of gratitude and ambition, a mother watches her children’s innocent questions with a growing unease.
She yearns for them to understand that success and comfort are not enemies, but gifts earned through perseverance—gifts meant to inspire, not guilt.
Yet, Lily’s gentle influence challenges this belief, stirring an emotional conflict between honoring a simpler truth and celebrating the dreams built with sacrifice.
My sister-in-law "Lily" has been close with my family ever since her recent divorce.
She’s had a bit of a rough time financially since then, so she’s really embraced the “simple life.” She often talks about how she doesn’t need much, how money is a distraction, and how “having less is freeing.”
My kids are 11 and 12, and Lily’s started babysitting them sometimes.
But I’ve noticed that after hanging out with her, they make little comments like, “Why do we need a big house?” or, “Why buy new clothes if we don’t really need them?” To be clear, I’m all for teaching gratitude, but I also feel it’s important for my kids to see that success and comfort don’t have to be negative things.
I didn’t grow up with much, and my husband and I worked hard to build our life so that our kids could have opportunities we didn’t have. I don’t want them feeling guilty for what we have, but Lily’s influence seems to be making them second-guess our lifestyle.
When I asked her (as gently as I could) to stop making these comments around my kids, Lily was hurt and said I was “trying to erase her reality” and accused me of being “materialistic.” She said it’s her duty to show them the world isn’t all about money and things, which I get, but I think there’s a line between that and making them feel uncomfortable about our lifestyle.
The conversation got heated after Lily called me materialistic and I snapped and told her to “just stop playing poor.”
Now, my husband’s family thinks I’m overreacting and says Lily’s just sharing her values.
His mum fed said that I’m being snobby or trying to shelter my kids from other viewpoints. Edit to add - I have no issues answering my kids questions, what I have an issue with is the guilt Lily is trying to teach them to feel for having a nice home and needing new clothes.
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This one sparked a storm. The comments range from brutally honest to surprisingly supportive — and everything in between.
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rizzymisskay - :- NTA! You're right to be concerned about Lily's influence on your kids. It's one thing to teach them about gratitude, but it's another to make them feel guilty about your lifestyle.
You're not being materialistic, you're just trying to provide for your family. It's okay to set boundaries with Lily.
Western-Corner-431 - :- YTA- your kids are fine and old enough to hear different opinions and understand that they are the thoughts and feelings of a person living a different way than they do. They are not crying and melting down. They aren’t harmed in any way. This is some phony class warfare porn. Get a life dipshit.
MastrKoesh - :- NTA. Reality isnt something personal, its impossible to erase someone's reality, as there is only one, reality. Its impossible to argue with people using "my truth" or "my reality" as these people often live in delusion of facts. Its very simple though, your kids , you decide how to raise them.
teddipuf - :- Yta
Fresh_Distribution54 - :- YTA She's not forcing her viewpoint on your children. You've told them a very narrow viewpoint and they are discovering new ones. Believe it or not they're going to discover a lot of new viewpoints and information in their life.
If you stomp every possible question out and yell and scream at anybody and everybody who dares to share any kind of opinion except your own, you are going to raise some extraordinarily entitled and narcissistic children who go around on the internet when they grow up screaming at anybody who doesn't live the exact same life as they do thinking that their thoughts and ideas are the only ones in the entire world And we have enough of those people already
The original poster (OP) is struggling with a conflict where their sister-in-law's strong anti-materialistic stance is influencing the OP's children to question their family's comfortable lifestyle.
The OP feels the need to defend their hard-earned success and prevent feelings of guilt in their children, leading to an argument where the OP told the sister-in-law to stop 'playing poor.' Is the OP justified in setting boundaries to protect their children's perception of their own life, or is the sister-in-law correct that she is simply sharing valid, contrasting life values, making the OP overly sensitive to differing viewpoints? Where is the appropriate line drawn between teaching gratitude and instilling guilt?