Aita for not buying a "special chair" for an overweight visitor?
In the warm glow of their cherished game nights, a quiet tension brews beneath the laughter and camaraderie. When a new guest arrives, his presence brings an unexpected challenge, casting shadows over the simple joy of gathering.
The struggle to balance kindness with practicality reveals deep undercurrents of pride, discomfort, and unspoken expectations.
Caught between the desire to be good hosts and the limits of their own home, the couple faces a dilemma that tests the bonds of friendship.
The clash of perspectives—between accommodating a friend’s needs and preserving personal boundaries—unfolds with raw emotion, leaving everyone involved grappling with what it truly means to belong.
We (my husband and I) host game nights at our house. Recently, one of the members (let's say Bob) has made a new friend (John) that wants to join us, which is usually fine. Except this friend is so large that he can't safely (or comfortably) sit in any of our chairs.
The first (and so far only) time John came over, he sat on an ottoman and ended up leaving early because his back hurt from sitting without back support. Bob is saying that as good hosts, we should buy a chair that will support John's weight.
But I think it's unreasonable to expect us to buy him a special chair. I suggested to Bob that he buy the chair if he cares so much, but he seems to view it as why should he have to buy me furniture for my house.
I also tried to tell Bob that he could suggest John bring his own chair. He could even leave it if he didn't want to transport it each time.
But apparently that's "humiliating" and "insulting." There's a couple other heavier members of the group that are kind of siding with Bob, saying that I should just get stronger chairs.
I said I'd rather cancel game night than have to spend several hundreds of dollars on new chairs. Now everyone's mad. The chairs I have are comfortable but more petite, and say they hold 275lbs. John is probably around 400lbs. I'm really not trying to leave anyone out. AITA?
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AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.:
The internet jumped in fast, delivering everything from kind advice to cold truth. It’s a mix of empathy, outrage, and no-nonsense takes.
MoonFlowerDaisy - :- Maybe Bob should start hosting games nights? Since he already has appropriate chairs at his house, if he's suggesting that it's no big deal.
grocerygirlie - :- I'm fat and I keep a heavy-duty fold-up camp chair in my trunk in case I encounter dainty chairs or anything like that. The chair was probably $50? I wouldn't expect a friend to buy new furniture for me.
I think the chair I have is good for up to 500lbs. I got it on Amazon. It sits pretty high up, too. John should just search Amazon and he'll find it easily, and then he can keep it at your house if he wants.
People need to be realistic about their own comfort, no matter what size they are or what their issue is. If John were a vegan and insisting that only vegan snacks be served, I'd feel the same way.
bythebrook88 - :->but he seems to view it as why should he have to buy me furniture for my house Why should OP have to buy furniture for their own house that they don't want or need, and probably won't use?
sog96 - :- NTA. If they have issues with your furniture they can (1) bring their own chairs or (2) host game night at their own place. Are you supposed to put in ramps in too, in case they cannot climb stairs?
This is failure of themselves not having self-awareness and that not everyone is able to cater to every person that comes to their home.
KindlyCelebration223 - :- NTA I would send out a group text: It’s recently been brought to my attention that my husband&I have been less than gracious hosts to this group. We are both very sorry that we have made you all feel unwelcome in our home.
Unfortunately, we are current unable to financially to make the changes we’ve been told are needed to properly host game nights. Please let us know who will be hosting the next game night. We’ll be happy to bring a dish to contribute to evening.
hiraeth_stars - :- NTA A good host provides reasonably for their guests. You provide reasonable seating, it's not as if you're offering him an antique chair that holds 15lbs.
He has a special needs that needs special consideration from *him* because it is not reasonable to expect everyone to have seating for 400+lbs.
EffectiveSet4534 - :- I'm fat and think they're being ridiculous.
The original poster (OP) is facing a conflict where their role as a host clashes with an unexpected and significant financial demand from their friend group.
The central tension lies between the OP's belief that hosting does not require purchasing specialized furniture for a guest's unique needs and the expectation from their husband and other group members that they must incur substantial costs to ensure one guest's comfort.
Is it an unreasonable expectation for hosts to purchase expensive, specialized furniture to accommodate a guest's specific physical needs when other solutions, such as the guest providing their own seating, are available?
Or, does the responsibility of being a truly inclusive host outweigh the financial burden of upgrading essential household items?