AITAH for demanding my boyfriend’s sister pay me back for the cost of the spiritual materials she threw out?
In the quiet sanctuary of her bedroom, a woman’s soul is woven through sacred altars, each a testament to her decade-long devotion to pagan witchcraft.
Every carefully curated item—crystals, candles, handwritten letters—holds a fragment of her heart and spirit, a deeply personal dialogue with the divine that anchors her very existence.
But when her boyfriend’s sister, Kayla, is thrust into her life like a storm, the delicate balance of faith, love, and family is tested.
The sacred space she has nurtured becomes a battleground of emotions and secrets, forcing her to confront the fragile boundaries between devotion and the unpredictable chaos of human relationships.
I (28F) have been a practicing pagan witch for over a decade. My faith and spiritual practice are deeply personal and important to me. Over the years, I’ve created several altars for different deities I worship and work with.
Some of those altars rotate in and out of active use depending on where I’m at in my practice so I keep them neatly packed away in labeled storage boxes. My main altar, however, is always active.
It’s for the deity I spend the most time with and have the deepest relationship with, and it's in our bedroom. Each altar is made up of specific tools, crystals, candles, oils, statues, cloths, charms, handwritten letter, herbs, and other offerings.
Many of these are handmade, imported, or gifted. Some were expensive; others just deeply sentimental or spiritually charged. But every single item has meaning and purpose to me.
I live with my boyfriend (30M), and a few weeks ago, his younger sister "Kayla" (24F) got kicked out by her long-term high school boyfriend. She’d been living with him for years, but wasn’t on the lease, so when they broke up, she had nowhere to go.
She didn’t want to move back in with their parents and asked if she could stay with us temporarily while she figured things out. I wasn’t super excited about it, but I agreed, because I didn’t want to be heartless.
Before she arrived, I took the the inactive altars and stored them in our hall closet, just to make the shared spaces less cluttered. But I left my main altar, the one for the deity I work with almost daily untouched in the bedroom.
It’s my boyfriend and I's private space and I figured she’d respect that. While we were both at work one day, she decided to help out around the apartment. Except instead of just cleaning, she cleaned out.
When I got home with my boyfriend, I noticed right away that the altar in the bedroom was gone.
Turns out his sister took it upon herself to throw out everything she found that she thought was weird or looked like junk, which included the contents of three altar boxes in storage AND the main altar.
When I confronted her, she got defensive and said she thought she was doing us a favor by getting rid of the creepy stuff and that she didn’t think I’d actually want it. She also made a few comments about how witchcraft isn’t real and God wouldn’t want that in the house anyway.
I was horrified. I went straight to the trash area but the dumpster had already been emptied that morning. Everything was gone, statues, deeply personal offerings, items I’d collected for over a decade, some of which were irreplaceable. I was devastated.
I sat down that night and calculated what I could remember and reasonably estimate. The total came out to just over $900. I calmly told Kayla that I expected her to pay me back for the items she threw away.
She laughed and said there was no way she could afford that and that I was being insane for demanding so much money over some rocks and candles. I told her it didn’t matter whether she understood the value, they weren’t hers to touch, let alone throw away.
She got pissed, packed up, and left that night without saying a word. A few days later, I got a call from my boyfriend’s mom, furious.
Kayla had told her that I kicked her out for refusing to pray with me and not supporting witchcraft and that I was trying to charge her $900 in rent. I explained the actual situation, including that the $900 was to replace destroyed property, not rent.
I also made it clear that Kayla wasn’t kicked out, I simply asked her to take responsibility for what she’d done, and she chose to leave. Didn’t matter. His mom doubled down. She said Kayla was in a fragile place and I should’ve shown more compassion.
She told me I was punishing someone who was already going through enough. Even after I explained exactly what happened, she said, that maybe I shouldn't have had that stuff just lying around if I didn't want it to be thrown away.
My boyfriend is being ass itchingly neutral and just keeps saying, “I see both sides.” He hasn’t really defended me or pushed back on how his sister treated my things.
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HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
When users weighed in, they held nothing back. It’s a raw, honest look at what people really think.
tisthedamnseason1 - :- NTA but "ass itchingly neutral" made me laugh.
St-christ666 - :- Nope, I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew what it was and did it on purpose. Also, maybe getting a different boyfriend, seems like he doesn’t respect your practice or you.
elems - :- How can he see both sides when it's only one side? She's a guest, you don't go through stuff and get rid of other peoples stuff. NTA
Agoraphobe961 - :- NTA. She didn’t just go into your private space in the bedroom, she went digging around in storage for it too. That is a massive violation of privacy.
Check your personal documents, underwear drawers, and jewelry box (if you have one) to see what else she rummaged through.
Let mommy dearest know you are being compassionate in not immediately calling the cops, but that compassionate will run out if you are not reimbursed within the next week.
Stand your ground now or they will continue to disrespect you and your beliefs for the rest of the relationship with your pet jellyfish. Oh, sorry, I mean with your boyfriend.
Mrsanjuro75 - :- Her story doesn’t check. She cleaned but cleaned out only the things “God wouldn’t want around”? Helping out does not mean throwing out. That’s some audacity, thinking she could tell what you would want to keep and what you would want to throw out.
NTA. She meant to throw that stuff out. Don’t only charge her for the cost of the items, show her the door.
ComfortablePhone3547 - :- You might have to clean out more and get rid of the boyfriend, I'm not one to jump on the dump them train, but he clearly does not respect you or your practices. also NTA
Inanda2 - :- NTA - you have a bf problem. He’s on the fence? Hell no! This was important to you. It’s his sister and mother. He must know how it’s affecting you! There are no *two sides*. His sister threw away costly and sentimental items.
Not her place and not her decision to make. Did your bf ask her to? Because he’s not siding with you by refusing to pick sides.
The original poster experienced a significant violation of personal property and spiritual space when her sister-in-law destroyed valuable and sentimental altar items.
Her attempt to seek financial restitution led to the sister-in-law leaving immediately and escalating the conflict to her family, painting the OP as unreasonable and punitive.
The core debate centers on whether the spiritual and monetary value of destroyed personal property justifies demanding financial replacement from a guest in crisis, or if compassion for the guest’s vulnerable situation should have overridden the right to reimbursement.