AITA for oversharing to my ILs when they called me on being a typical guy who doesn't put effort into maintaining his family relationships?
He carries the weight of a fractured family, where absence and silence replaced love and support.
His wedding day was marked not by celebration from those closest to him, but by empty seats and unanswered invitations—a stark contrast to the warmth and unity he witnesses in his wife's world.
She comes from a haven of connection and care, a tight-knit family bound by shared moments and unwavering support.
Their lives are woven together with laughter, daily conversations, and a promise to be there for one another, even in the darkest hours—a reality that highlights the deep void he feels in his own family story.
My wife (25f) comes from a close and happy family. Both parents really involved with their kids, who spent time with and enjoyed their kids. All the siblings getting along well and being there for each other. Family dinners on a regular basis.
Being in each other's weddings as bridesmaids/groomsmen. They talk almost every day and have a very active family group chat. If someone in the family needs help they will be there. Even if it's in the middle of the night. I (25m) come from a very different family.
None of my family came to our wedding, didn't even RSVP, and they were invited. I can't think of a single person in my family I'm close with. The rest of my family isn't close either. Once we turned 18 we were expected to leave our parents house and there was no support.
The sibling relationships were pretty volatile. My parents don't want to hear from any of us unless we're done, which would be hard but that's exactly what my dad said. My mom might have been in hospital last year. I still don't know. I tried calling my dad and he didn't answer.
He texted that he didn't appreciate multiple calls and I told him what I heard but he ignored my question whether mom was okay. I tried texting her and got no reply.
I only know she's alive because she left a voice message several weeks after saying she didn't want any of us thinking we could come home for Christmas. I'm not sure I have the correct number for most of my siblings.
Honestly I'm not sure even a death in the family would bring us all back together. I could be an uncle right now and I wouldn't have a clue. It's the way it is. We never had a close family. As kids we were expected to entertain ourselves and deal with whatever alone.
No help from parents and no sibling bond. I'm the youngest and it was my normal. My experience with my family meant my wife's family was really surreal to me. I had never been around people who cared so much about each other and actually wanted to spend time together.
I'm pretty sure I'd have been locked out of the house as a kid if I tried to spend any real time with my parents or siblings. I was upfront about my family situation.
My wife knew everything and had been with me during the rare call with a family member and she was stunned by the total indifference and lack of care. She's never actually spoken to a single member of my family.
We spend time with hers frequently and since we got married 7 months ago it's become pretty clear my ILs think I'm just being one of those "can't be assed to make the effort with family" type of guys.
My wife always has my back and any comment that's made about it she always speaks up. I told her family before it was just never close.
Then a couple of weeks ago we met for a big family dinner and MIL made the comment that if I picked up the phone sometime and talked to my family members I'd be closer to them. My wife told her it's not as simple and they're not interested.
Both her parents responded with something like maybe they're tired of chasing after their kids. My wife said they shouldn't put the blame on me when we'd explained it. They said they simply couldn't buy that an entire family cares so little for one another.
I ended up going into exactly how it had been growing up and the expectation to move out at 18 and never come back to our parents. I read the few texts I had from family members and even read out and went through the details of the mom maybe being in the hospital stuff.
I showed them my phone and everything. I told them that was the reality of my family. That's just how mine are and that while I appreciate they have a close one and can't imagine it. They didn't get to put all that on me.
My wife agreed with me and told them she hoped it would be the last time it was ever mentioned but her family felt like I overshared and made dinner awkward. Maybe I did go a little over the top with it. AITA?
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THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.:
The crowd poured into the comments, bringing a blend of heated opinions, solid advice, and a few reality checks along the way.
Difficult_Idea2844 - :- They'
geekylace - :- *You* made things awkward? Oh no, those were the consequences of their shitty behaviour by prying into something that’s already been explained to them. Maybe next time they’ll stay in their lane? NTA
Affectionate-War7655 - :- They refused to believe you with anything short of the full story. You can't possibly share enough for those kinds of people, until you do share enough then it's too much. They're just judging you and thought that would be an iron clad judgement. They're most mad that their judgement isn't vindicated. NTA
DownShatCreek - :- You just went from one creepy unhealthy family to another.
Head-Emotion-4598 - :- How are they all adults and not understand that some families are just toxic and dysfunctional? They are either, as a whole, very sheltered or just willfully blind. I'm glad to hear that your wife stands up for you though!
And I wouldn't worry about what your in-laws think; they wouldn't have had to hear about it if they had just used their manners and let it go. NTA
EDJardin - :- NTA, they got the story they needed to know to butt out and leave you alone about your family. Honestly, NONE of them showed up for your wedding, but the IL's still somehow think YOU are the one not trying hard enough?
They sound incredibly dense, and I am not sure even this level of sharing will end up being enough for them.
OliveMammoth6696 - :- No your in laws made the dinner awkward by being assholes.
The original poster (OP) is caught between the deeply ingrained family norms of their wife's highly involved, supportive family and the reality of their own distant, emotionally unavailable family structure.
The central conflict arises when the wife's parents judge the OP's lack of contact with his family, failing to accept the severe emotional neglect and distance he experienced growing up, despite the OP providing detailed evidence of this reality.
Is the OP justified in sharing the painful details of his family situation to defend his character against his in-laws' unfair assumptions, or did this disclosure violate an unspoken boundary regarding the intimacy of family trauma and unnecessarily create tension during a social gathering?