AITA for "offending" my mother after she commented on my appearance?
Thrown into a whirlwind of unexpected demands, the young student’s carefully crafted plans were shattered by a sudden, forced vacation.
Struggling to balance the weight of looming assignments without access to their laptop, they surrendered to fleeting comforts, only to pay a steep price with sleepless nights and a body rebelling against the strain.
As the vibrant glow of health faded into red blotches of stress and exhaustion, a harsh judgment from a loved one cut deeper than the skin’s surface.
The words, intended as concern, landed like a blow, turning the struggle inward and casting a shadow over the fragile battle to keep it all together.
A week ago, my parents took me on a forced vacation. I was only given 3 days notice, even though I had several large assignments due soon.
I had carefully planned my schedule to meet deadlines, but my parents refused to let me bring my laptop so I could work on assignments during the trip.
I decided to try and make the best of it, even indulging in more sweets than I normally would (I usually have 1–2 a week, but had 2+ daily on the trip). When we got home, I went straight to work and ended up staying up until 2 a.m.
for 4+ nights in a row, getting 4–5 hours of sleep a night. With not getting enough sleep as well as indulging on sweets, my skin started to break out. I usually have mostly clean skin, but I had 6 or more red pimple like blotches on my cheeks.
I was eating my dinner as usual today, when my mother looked at me and told me, "Why is your skin breaking out?
Try to take more care of your health or you will end up with an even worse appearance." She often comments on things like this and I have told her many times that I am insecure about those things so to please not comment on them.
For example, she once told me I was becoming fat, even when my BMI was under 17.9. I spiraled and ended up food restricting which took me a while to recover from. I finally snapped after she commented about my skin.
I told her, "I ALSO don't want my skin breaking out, and the thing is, I have eyes, I can see that I am breaking out even without you mentioning it.
And may I add that the main reason I am breaking out is because you took me on that holiday without giving me much notice so please don't comment on my appearance, I am trying to scrutinize myself as little as possible, and your comments do not help, respectfully please keep your mouth shut if you are only going to say things like this."
After that she kept her mouth shut for the rest of dinner, yet later in the day, she confronted me about this, saying that my comment was extremely disrespectful and that she had the every right to make comments like that since I was her daughter, and that if it was affecting me so much, to just ignore it and that my comments had deeply "offended" her.
My father also tried to stay mostly neutral but ended up siding with my mother in the end. I get that I may have run my mouth a little too much but I dont believe my response was offensive but AITA?
Edit- for those who are wondering how I got "forced" to go on a vacation, I'm in high school and my parents have full control over me. They gave me an ultimatum either a. I go with them or b.
I get locked out of the house and find a way to fend for myself for the entirety of the vacation.
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HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
Support, sarcasm, and strong words — the replies covered it all. This one definitely got people talking.
lmchatterbox - :- ESH. She shouldn’t make comments about your breakout….but her giving you short notice for a vacation didn’t cause the breakout either.
toffifeeandcoffee - :- NTA Next time, because there will be a next time, tell her the 5 seconds rule. If someone can't make a change within 5 seconds it's the moment to shut the fuck up. Your mom can dish out but can't take the heat and your dad is a coward.
Frankensteins_Kid - :- I think... ESH. Your mother is not allowed to make unsolicited hurtful comments about your appearance _just because_ you're his daughter. And she shouldn't have forced you to go on a vacation when she knows you have a lot of work to get done.
But at the same time, blaming her as the reason for your breakouts was... kind of dumb. Did she forced you to eat those sweets too? Assuming you're an adult, you are responsible for your diet. Your respond about the hurtful comment was valid. The blame? Not so much.
ScarlettLestrange - :- NTA - tell her that as her daughter you have every right to answer her like that, and that if it was affecting her so much, to just ignore it.
Potatocake201 - :- lol ironic that she tells you to ignore her comments that affect you so much yet gets offended at your “extremely disrespectful” comment
Viva_Veracity1906 - :- So why isn’t she just ‘ignoring’ your comments since that’s her advice? From now on whatever she says say ‘that ~*~*offended*~*~ me.’ NTA As a mother, no you don’t have a pass to offend and critique.
Spare_Ad5009 - :- NTA. You answered very respectfully, especially after what she put you through. As soon as you can move to an apartment near work, do so, no matter if you live in a culture where unmarried daughters live at home. If it's expensive, get roommates.
They are treating you like a child and like a piece of property that they can force on vacation and rudely criticize.
The original poster (OP) felt trapped and stressed by the sudden, mandatory vacation that interfered with academic responsibilities, leading to subsequent sleep deprivation and skin issues.
The central conflict arises when the OP's mother criticizes the resulting physical appearance, despite knowing the circumstances and having been asked previously to avoid such comments, causing the OP to react strongly in defense of their emotional space.
Considering the context of parental control and the documented history of harmful comments regarding appearance, was the OP justified in confronting their mother so directly to enforce a boundary, or did their response cross the line into disrespect given the parental authority dynamic?