AITA for not giving my girlfriend (25f) my dinner after I had already bought her dinner?
In the bustling heart of New York City, a couple navigates the unpredictable world of surprise bags—mystery meals sold at a fraction of their usual price to combat food waste.
What begins as a simple, thrifty choice to share a meal soon unfolds into an emotional journey, where the unknown flavors mirror the uncertainties and surprises in their relationship.
As the man carries the barbecue bag home and his girlfriend returns with Indian food next door, the stage is set for a moment of connection, disappointment, or revelation.
Their choices, seemingly small and mundane, hold the power to stir deep feelings and test the bonds between them in a city that never stops moving.
My girlfriend (25F) and I (29M) live in NYC and there's a popular app where you buy leftover restaurant food. Restaurants advertise "surprise bags" at a reduced price in order to reduce foodwaste.
The customer doesn't know what they're getting until they pick the food up, but the cost at least 3x lower than the normal menu price.
(EG if an entree is usually $24, the restaurant is allowed to charge $8 at most for it.) These are hit or miss - sometimes you get exactly what you want at a greatly reduced price, but sometimes you get something that you otherwise wouldn't have picked from the menu.
I ordered a surprise bag from a barbecue place that I was picking up on the way home yesterday. I texted my girlfriend asking if she wanted one but she said no, she wasn't in the mood for barbecue.
However, there was an indian restaurant right next door that also had surprise bags available on the app, so she ordered one of them. The barbecue was $12 and the indian food was $10. When I get home I unpack the meals to see what we got. I was psyched about my bag.
Since I paid $12 I knew the value had to be at least $36, but honestly the platter looked a lot more expensive. This was a hit.
(Keep in mind that we live in the west village, which is the most expensive neighborhood in the most expensive city in the US, so $36 for one meal is pretty typical.) There were burnt ends, ribs, pulled pork, baked beans, potato salad, bread, onions, and pickles.
My girlfriend, however, was less lucky. Her surprise bag only had 6 different types of soup, half of them being variations on cauliflower soup. She was disappointed to say the least.
She asked if we should share my barbecue and I said no, i'm hungry, I offered to buy you some already and you said no, so I'm going to devour it. She got mad and called me the asshole.
I told her if she didn't want soup she should have ordered something specifically instead of using the surprise bag app. I then told her to just order something off a food delivery app.
She said she didn't want to spend the money (another bit of context is I make a lot more money than her and pay all of our rent, I know she's running a bit of a lean financial picture right now.) I then tell her that if she doesn't want to pay for delivery, I'll walk to the bodega on our street and can buy her something there.
(Another bit of context is that we live on a 4th floor walkup with no elevator and she broke her leg in a car accident a month ago, so it can be tough for her to get around.) She says she the grill is probably off there and all she wants is a hot meal. I tell her she has soup.
Anyway, she thinks I'm the asshole. But in my defense:
(1) I offered to buy her barbecue to begin with, which she declined.
(2) she picked out her own food and I grabbed it for her on my way home
(3) when she wasn't satisfied, I suggested two solutions (either ordering something from an app or going to a bodega)
So, Reddit, AITA?
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AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.:
Support, sarcasm, and strong words — the replies covered it all. This one definitely got people talking.
Outrageously_Penguin - :- YTA. Come on man. You both did the surprise bags, hers didn’t work out. You know she can’t afford to order something else but didn’t offer to help pay, you offered her crappy bodega food instead. You could have at least split the barbecue and ordered something else to share and split the price.
If the situations were reversed and you’d gotten a bunch of crap soup while she had a feast, would you really want to sit there hungry waiting for some crappy alternative while she chowed down?
You’re going to get lots of N T A that just have no concept of…being nice and making small sacrifices for your partner.
You and them seem like the types who if their meal companion gets the wrong meal at a restaurant and has to wait half an hour for a new one, they’ll sit there and eat and not even offer a fry.
SPS_Agent - :- Ok, YTA. Hear me out. Based on the principle, you are technically in the right. You both gambled, she happened to lose. However, you're in a (presumably) loving relationship with this woman. She politely declined and took her own route to eat.
It's not like she expected you to go out of your way to go to a different place. When she hit zilch on her bag and you hit gold, that's prime time to pool the meals and divide them up a bit to help her get some good food.
She can't function at full capacity with a broken leg, and didn't demand your food either. Your response? Forgive me if I editorialize but to me you seemed like a snarling animal wrapping your arms around your food and baring your teeth.
"Tough luck" is not an appropriate response in a relationship. If you were friends, I'm with you. But she has a broken leg, she asked nicely, she got totally screwed, and you have an excess. You're absolutely an asshole for refusing to share, it's just not cool.
Miserable_Dentist_70 - :- Would it have hurt you to swap some pulled pork and potato salad for some soup? I have no idea why people find it so hard to share and compromise. YTA
SkullKid888 - :- Technically NTA. But in a relationship. YTA. If you ever plan on getting married you might want to reconsider when to be selfish and when not to be. I had to go back to check you wrote GF and not wife. A loving husband would share.
Regardless of whether his wife had previously said no. She obviously didn’t expect 3 variations of cauliflower soup.
External_Purchase367 - :- The only thing that matters. What app is this? I'm coming to NYC soon and I need to know. Edit I think I found it. I thinks its called Too Good To Go. For anyone wondering.
plantycatlady - :- i feel like you’re arguing about who is RIGHT when the KIND thing to do would be to share since she’s your SO and has a broken leg and didn’t intend to just get a bunch of soup…if even an acquaintance of mine and i did this for meals and they ended up with the shitty bag i would offer to share because, ya know, i’m nice. so even if you’re technically right, you’re not being nice. so YTA.
NonaYerBiz - :- Soft YTA. Think about if it was the other way round. Mature relationships are all about compromise, respect, and caring about the other person. A good compromise would have been if both of you shared all of the food since there was plenty of it.
The original poster experienced a successful outcome with their food purchase, while their girlfriend was left with an unsatisfactory meal consisting mostly of soup, leading to a conflict about sharing the better food.
The core tension lies between the OP's adherence to the 'risk' associated with the surprise bag purchase and the girlfriend's unmet need for a satisfying meal, compounded by her current physical limitations and financial constraints.
Given the disparity in the food received and the girlfriend's difficulty moving, was the original poster justified in refusing to share his high-value meal, or did his insistence on contractual fairness ignore a basic responsibility to support his partner during her recovery?