AITA for taking legal action against my family?
In the quiet shadows of a family home, a painful betrayal unfolds as the fragile threads of trust and love unravel.
A grandmother, fading away in the grasp of dementia, finds her precious memories not only slipping from her mind but also disappearing from her hands—her cherished rings stolen under the guise of a whispered promise, twisting the bonds of kinship into conflict and sorrow.
As the grandfather’s heart breaks over lost treasures and fractured loyalty, the family stands at a crossroads of grief and anger.
The sacred trust meant to protect their matriarch is shattered, revealing how greed and misunderstanding can cast long, dark shadows over the final chapters of a loved one’s life.
I live abroad, and I just got back in town to visit my grandmother who is in the last stage of dementia and bedridden. My grandfather who is 92, is in good health and sound mind, so he acts as her POA, and we hired a family friend to be her caretaker.
I recently found out that my grandmother’s rings were missing and when I did more research, I was told my cousin, her great niece, had taken them, after being given them by my grandmothers caretaker who claimed she got them from my grandfather… because she has my grandma in some recording saying she can have them when she dies.
Well, my grandmother is not dead, my grandmother told a lot of people they could get a ring one day, but most importantly, she is not in good mental state and my cousins are nowhere in her will.
My grandfather is very upset about this, including her missing wedding ring, and even a ring that my late father purchased for her before he died.
My cousin will not return them because of this verbal confirmation she claims she received to take all of my grandmother’s jewelry, and I’m a bit irate.
I contacted lawyers yesterday, but because she has a nasty tone about it and refuses to give them back to my grandfather, I’m ready to call the police and file a stolen property report. This will obviously cause much tension…
AITA?
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THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.:
Users didn’t stay quiet — they showed up in full force, mixing support with sharp criticism. From calling out bad behavior to offering real talk, the comments lit up fast.
iLoup - :- NTA. There is no written proof of such transaction, also your grandmother seems in no conditiion to make such arrangement without a third party witness.
TrainingDearest - :- NTA. Call Adult Protective Services. They will do an investigation and go after any thefts or financial abuse using the police and the courts.
They will also make sure the legal caretaker is doing the job correctly and that your grandparents' needs are being met. It's a good resource.
Upset_Reflection8320 - :- NTA Sadly is very common for family members and caretakers to take advantage of patients with dementia. If you know that that's not your grandmother's will, then go ahead.
A caretaker is nobody to make decisions about your granny's property unless she was given a specific permission for it that was signed and granted in full sanity.
Lilith-33 - :- Call the police, have your grandfather present when you file the stolen property report. Even if your grandmother did “promise” your cousin the rings, your grandmother is likely not of sound mind to do so.
As her husband, your grandfather is likely the person that has the rights to all her property (unless her will specifies otherwise, but the will would have had to been created before the dementia diagnosis).
Either way, your cousin is so wrong here and you should not feel bad about taking action against her. NTA
CarrieCat62 - :- NTA - It's sad it's come to that, but like you said - your grandmother is still alive, and more over your grandfather is still alert and aware, and concerned that things are missing.
She may have been 'willed' a ring once your grandmother passes, but she needs to do the decent thing, honor her (great?) grandparents and wait her turn.
BlueMoonTone - :- NTA. Please go to the police - this is theft. Your cousin's tape recording cannot hold up as your grandmother is incapacitated and not of sound mind and your grandfather has the power of attorney to make her legal decisions.
I'm sorry but this is really common and you have to stop it now before they claim more, like houses and bank accounts. Please honour you grandparents legacy and don't let anyone steal from them. P.S. If the carer gave them the rings, I'd sack her, she's untrustworthy.
Mirgroht - :- Scorched earth policy comes to mind. Your GM is in no state to give any instruction and the caretaker should have damn well known that. Even recording your GM in her state must be illegal in some way because she can't give consent.
They need to be removed ASAP and police called against them all. They're thief's and they know it. Get GF (grandfather) to check what else is missing because there will be. They have no morals and deserve having the book thrown at them. NTA, protect your grandparents from the leeches and screw everyone else.
The original poster is experiencing significant frustration and anger because valuable family jewelry, including irreplaceable sentimental items, was taken from a vulnerable relative under questionable circumstances involving conflicting verbal permissions.
The central conflict is between the OP's need to protect their grandfather's assets and respect the grandmother's true wishes (as legally documented in her will) versus the cousin's insistence on keeping the items based on a shaky, possibly coerced verbal agreement allegedly facilitated by the caretaker.
Given the legal standing of the will versus a contested verbal statement made near an incapacitated person, should the OP proceed immediately with filing a police report for stolen property to recover the items, or is the potential family fallout from involving law enforcement an unacceptable price to pay for resolving this dispute?