AITA for not wanting to support my boyfriend's early retirement?
Caught between loyalty and self-preservation, she faces a heart-wrenching crossroads. Her boyfriend’s dream of early retirement on a shoestring income demands sacrifices that threaten to unravel the life she’s carefully built for herself and her son.
The weight of expectation presses down, challenging her to choose between supporting his desires and safeguarding her own future.
In the quiet turmoil of her doubts, she wrestles with the harsh judgment of those closest to her, branded selfish for simply wanting to live life on her own terms.
Yet beneath the surface lies a fierce refusal to be overshadowed or diminished—a woman determined to claim her independence, pursue her dreams, and protect the fragile security she’s fought so hard to create.
My boyfriend has just paid off his mortgage and now wants to take early retirement on £8k per annum. The only way he can afford to do this would be for me to move in with him and work full time so that the bills can be paid and he can do what he wants in his spare time.
I am fifty and my own pension fund is not great so I don't expect to be able to retire for the next twenty years. Am I being unreasonable in not wanting to uproot my life, and that of my son, and wanting to pursue my own career on my own terms?
I am planning on going traveling while working once my son leaves home, and saving as much money as possible, not supporting my boyfriend who has never supported me.
Am I an asshole for putting myself first (as my parents and boyfriend seem to think) or should my boyfriend re think his situation?
I don't have any real advantage in doing this as my boyfriend is leaving the house to his stepson even if I do move in with him, and I would have to get rid of all my stuff as there's no room for it at his place.....
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REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.:
When users weighed in, they held nothing back. It’s a raw, honest look at what people really think.
Kristishere - :- the only scenario where you should do this is if its cheaper FOR YOU to live with him. Who the hell thinks they can retire on 8K? That sounds like lunacy. EDIT: NTA
snootnoots - :- NTA. Let me translate his plan into more understandable words here: “I can’t actually afford to retire, but I want to, so you should give up your own life plans and sacrifice your child’s future so that I can parasitise off you.”
cassowary32 - :- INFO: what’s the advantage of this arrangement to you? If he can’t cover his bills on 8k a year, he shouldn’t retire. Let some other sucker support “his dream”. Your parents are welcome to move in with him if they are that intent on sponsoring him.
Chicken_Parm_Calzone - :- NTA You are not financially responsible for your ***boyfriend***. You ***are*** financially responsible for your son. Your ***boyfriend*** isn't entitled to any of your wealth or possessions.
If he was your ***husband***, then there would be a different conversation. Also, he sounds like a big mooch.
AbbyBirb - :- NTA He is trying to use you for personal financial gain. This would be a huge error for yourself if you did this. Not only would you be spending your own finances to support him now, you would, after he passes, end up with no money and no home!
JadedTourist3819 - :- NTA - he's using you so he can have his ideal situation without any consideration for what you may want.
everynameistaken000 - :- Seriously? Er. No NTA I want to retire and to do that, I'm going to need you to move in and finance me. I'm shocked you actually have to ask tbh. He should move in with your parents seeing as they think it's a good plan.
The original poster is facing a major life decision that pits her personal long-term financial security and career goals against her boyfriend's desire for early retirement funded by her continued full-time employment.
The conflict is clear: her boyfriend expects a significant life change and financial contribution from her so he can stop working, while she views this arrangement as unfair given her own need to work for another two decades and the lack of reciprocal support.
Is the poster unreasonable for prioritizing her established career path, her son's stability, and her future retirement over immediately supporting her boyfriend's lifestyle change, or is the boyfriend justified in expecting her to sacrifice her career plans to subsidize his early retirement?