AITA for stopping my parents from paying for my sister's IVF and telling her she can't afford to have a kid
In the quiet tension of a family dinner, a brother watches helplessly as his sister’s dream of motherhood slips further away, weighed down by hope, desperation, and the heavy price of IVF treatments.
Years of silent struggle and failed attempts have left the family fractured, caught between love, financial strain, and unspoken pain.
When the sister pleads once more for support, the brother’s voice breaks through the fragile calm, challenging the fairness of repeated sacrifices on uncertain promises.
What unfolds is a raw confrontation, exposing the deep emotional wounds beneath the surface and the impossible choices that bind them all.
I am M23. My sister is F28, married to M30 for 6 years. My sister has been trying for a baby for about 3 years now, without success. 18 months ago she and her husband came to my parents and asked if we'd finance an IVF treatment.
My parents have some savings separate from retirement and agreed to pay for it, and I even pitched in a few hundred dollars to show my support even though I didn't have a lot of savings, having just started work after graduation. Unfortunately, the IVF failed.
Yesterday, my sister and BIL came over again for dinner. Afterwards my sister said she wanted to try another round of IVF and asked my parents if they would pay for it again. I could tell my parents looked hesitant but they agreed because my sister was crying.
At this point I stood up and said it's not right for her to ask again for our parents' money for something that didn't work before and may not work again. We argued a bit and I admit that things got heated and we had a big fight. She yelled at me that it was none of my business.
I told her she if she can't pay for the IVF then she needs to accept that she can't afford a kid. She told me to get out, but I refused.
My parents were trying to calm us down, my mom started telling me that it's not my money, to which I replied that it's basically a gift to one child and not the other and that it was only fair that I be given a similar amount of money as what they would spend on my sister.
My sister started complaining that it's not a gift, it's a treatment for a medical condition and if I'd expect payment if she had cancer and my parents paid for chemo.
I told her not being able to have a kid poses no threat to her life the way cancer does and it's a completely disingenuous comparison. My dad finally stood up and yelled at us both to shut up and sit down.
Then he told my sister that they already paid for one and I had a point that continuing to pay for it would be unfair. He said he's very sorry for what she's going through but they need to accept things how they are.
My sister started crying again and her husband (who had been quiet and looking uncomfortable the whole time) took her and left. Today my sister sent me some texts calling me an asshole for sticking my nose in her business and keeping her from having a baby. AITA?
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THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.:
Users didn’t stay quiet — they showed up in full force, mixing support with sharp criticism. From calling out bad behavior to offering real talk, the comments lit up fast.
teresajs - :- NTA The way you said it was harsh (bordering on asshole territory). But your parents were about to just hand over tens of thousands of dollars that they probably need for their retirement years because your sister was crying. Your sister is only 28.
There's time for her and her husband to save the money to have IVF again in a few years. Or they can ask other family, or friends to chip in. But you did the right thing to help safeguard your parents' retirement needs.
hypothetical-ginger - :- Not being able to afford ivf doesn't necessarily mean someone can't afford a kid, but your sister sounds EXTREMELY entitled and almost panicked, so perhaps you're right.
She sounds vaguely manipulative too (saying vague because God knows what you can tell from a reddit thread). Thus NTA from me . Maybe you didn't bring this up / handle it in a perfect way, but I'm glad you stepped in on behalf of your parents. They probably would never have been able to say no and, honestly, ivf is expensive AF.
RaineMist - :- ESH (except for your parents, BIL) You suck for thinking that you're "owed" the same amount of money in a form of a "gift" and trying to tell your parents what they can and can't do with their own money.
Your sister sucks for trying to get more money out of them despite the treatment failing. ETA: Thank you for the awards 🙂
Captain_Quoll - :- While I agree that your parents aren’t obligated to keep paying for treatments, I think YTA for your attitude. Your focus wasn’t ‘let’s be fair to mom and dad’ it was ‘but what about *ME*?’ It’s not about you.
DanGodsOpinions - :- It's a little disingenuous to argue that if she deserves $ for an IVF, you deserve the same amount of $ for , but I do agree with your larger overall point that kids are insanely expensive and if the 15-20k is a barrier, then what the hell are they going to do when they actually have the kid? NTA.
OLAZ3000 - :- YTA It's not your money it's not your business. You are acting entitled AF by not only inserting yourself into your parents' decision but THEN acting as though they owe you whatever they give her.
Parents don't provide kids equally the exact same things in life, they provide them what they each need if possible. Did every single activity and its equipment needed you ever did growing up cost exactly the same thing. VERY likely not. In your defense, you are only 23, your brain is not fully formed, and it shows.
Your parents should be telling you to sit the F down and mind your business and if you're lucky, NOT decreasing the amount you may one day inherit by the amount you're pitching a fit about.
If your parents can afford it it is their decision and theirs alone. If they chose to wait a while and let your sister try other ways, that's up to them.
You don't explain their ful situation (you sister and her husband) but either way, it's still not your decision to make.
dovahkiitten16 - :- YTA Your dad and mom are right. This isn’t your money. It was not your business to but in and try to answer for your parents. Your sister was asking *them* for *their* money. She wasn’t asking you for your money.
You completely butted in where it wasn’t your place, and in possibly one of the rudest, most confrontational ways possible.
If you thought your parents were being taken advantage of there were a lot more tactful ways to bring it up (“this is a major decision, maybe you should think about it more”, “sis, you should let them talk about this in private”, “IVF could fail again, are you sure it’s a good decision?” etc).
>it’s basically a gift to one child and I should get an equal amount of money to spend on myself No, that’s not how it works. Different kids have different needs. You are not infertile and do not need treatment for it. Equity over equality.
Your sister made a really bad comparison about chemo, but she’s right that it’s a medical procedure and isn’t equivalent to your spending money.
Secondly, it’s extremely entitled to expect money from your parents just because they help your sister out.
It’s not your money and the way you tried to lay claim to it and act like you were owed it and got to make decisions about it was rude and selfish. Lastly, not being able to afford IVF does not mean you can’t afford children.
Children are expensive but they are an on-going expense whereas IVF is a lot of money upfront (in *addition* to the regular costs of raising a child).
That’s like saying you can’t afford a car because you need payments and can’t cough up $20,000 at once. The fact that you, in the end, helped your parents but they still think you were an asshole is really telling. Even when your points were valid you went about it in the most assholish way possible.
The original poster (OP) became deeply involved in their sister's financial decisions regarding fertility treatments, leading to a severe family conflict.
The central friction lies between the OP's belief in financial fairness, demanding equal consideration for any parental gifts, and the sister's perceived right to support for a serious medical struggle, viewing the requested funds as necessary treatment rather than a discretionary gift.
Given the clash between financial equality and compassionate support for a major life goal, the core question remains: Is the OP justified in intervening based on principles of fairness regarding parental assets, or does the emotional and medical nature of the sister's fertility struggle warrant overriding financial considerations, making the OP's intervention unwarranted interference?