AITA for how I told my neighbor to stop being a busybody?
Living next door to William feels like living under a microscope, where every move is scrutinized and every moment is reported.
His constant surveillance and unsolicited commentary turn what should be simple neighborly interactions into a suffocating ordeal, leaving a heavy weight of intrusion and discomfort hanging in the air.
For the narrator, the relentless watchfulness erodes the sense of privacy and freedom in their own home.
What should be a sanctuary becomes a stage for judgment and control, as William's invasive gaze transforms normal life into a series of monitored events, stripping away the joy and spontaneity that make a house a home.
I live next to this guy William and his wife and daughters. He's a total busybody; I swear he's watching and commenting on everything I do. If I have friends over, he'll watch from the porch and out the windows.
He'll comment later on how many people I have over, how late I have them over, etc. Like complaining I had a party of 7 over till 1 am.
If my grass gets too long, he'll comment on how I need to spend a day a week mowing; I can't keep "going out 3 nights in a row." If there are cars parked in the street, he'll know which ones are friends there to see me.
I know he knows because he goes right to mine and asks me to have my friends move their cars. If I BBQ he'll complain about the smoke smells, and how nobody needs to be barbecuing for 3 hours.
Overall, I can tell by the stuff he says that he's watching me and my house wayyy more than anyone has any right to. Knowing when I'm there or not, who's there with me, how long, etc. I've never noticed stuff like that about my neighbors, I mind my business.
Anyway, it's kind of uncomfortable. I've tried to be accommodating, "Ok, I'll move the cars. OK I'll be done barbecuing soon." I've also tried to ask for more privacy in the weirder conversations.
"My friends and I don't really like it when someone's watching our comings and goings; would you drop this?" But I honestly I'm getting pretty bothered by it. So this time, when he mentioned I need to move my trash cans inside sooner after the garbage truck comes; I told him off.
I said "I want you to know, I really don't like being watched like this. It bothers me." He acted confused. I said "Look, I'm a woman living alone and it's kind of unsettling." He acted confused still, and kind of defensive. I said "You're a father of two daughters.
Think about if they came to you and said that a man they didn't know or like was watching to see when they're home or not, which of the other girls are their little friends, remembering which bikes their little friends ride and recognizing them on sight..
Watching when they're out in the yard, and what they're doing there. Think of how you'd feel." He got upset at what I said and was saying "That's different!!" I was like "It's NOT different. That's how I feel.
I'm asking you to empathize here, to understand how it feels to be watched 24/7 and not be OK with it! How that seems to have made you feel is exactly how I feel!"
After that argument, he stormed off and has seemed to leave me alone for a few days.
But I'm wondering if I crossed a line, what I said seemed to make him really angry but I didn't know how else to get him to understand. AITA here?
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THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.:
The thread exploded with reactions. Whether agreeing or disagreeing, everyone had something to say — and they said it loud.
mm172 - :- NTA. He's angry because he knows he was being inappropriately nosy, and he didn't expect you to call him on it.
Other than asking your friends not to park right in front of his house, none of this is his business, and you should simply remind him of that fact from now on if he starts complaining.
3Fluffies - :- NTA at all, kudos to you for standing up for yourself! If he starts again with the commentary on your activities, you might say something like, “As I’ve already informed you, it’s none of your business,” then repeat as needed.
slothscantswim - :- NTA Dude needs to mind his business, he’s a bored do-nothing jerk and youre his pet project. Fuck him. BBQ for five hours, leave the trash out, don’t move the cars, have 10 people over til 3am, and maybe build a really high privacy fence. Also who complains about the smell of BBQ? What a jackass
YorkPepperMintPaddy - :- Stop wondering. You didn't cross the line. Your approach was spot on and hopefully he'll change his ways. He certainly won't stop watching but perhaps he'll keep his remarks to himself. You're NTA.
i-Ake - :- NTA. My boyfriend has told me that being considered a "creep" is one of the worst, most cutting sorts of insults a man can recieve. So... he probably *did* just take a bullet to the gut... but it was one he absolutely deserved. You were amazingly restrained, IMO.
TheOddDog5 - :- Absolutely not OP NTA if this persists get the police involved if you need to. That crap is terrifying. Hopefully you talked some sense into him with the daughter analogy(good example by the way) and he backs off.
lyraterra - :- Absolutley NTA. He got upset bc he realized he was being a creep, and now hes avoiding you bc he knows you were right.
The original poster (OP) felt persistently monitored and controlled by their neighbor, William, leading to high levels of discomfort and a breakdown in the assumed peace of neighborly relations.
The central conflict arose from the OP attempting to enforce personal boundaries regarding privacy and behavior, which William consistently ignored until the OP used a direct, emotionally charged comparison involving his daughters to force him to empathize with her feeling of being watched.
Did the OP overstep by using a direct comparison involving William's daughters to illustrate the severity of her discomfort, or was this necessary confrontation to establish essential boundaries against intrusive surveillance?
Readers must weigh the effectiveness of extreme emotional appeals against the need for respectful, direct communication in resolving persistent neighbor disputes.