AITA for telling my mom I think it’s disgusting she is having another kid
She bore the weight of a childhood stolen, the eldest of ten, thrust into the role of caregiver while her own dreams quietly slipped away.
At 31, she wrestles with the bitterness of sacrifice, misunderstood by the family she raised, and haunted by the life she never chose — a life tethered to duty rather than desire.
Now, amidst the fragile hope of a family’s future resting on a fixer-upper and dreams of an organic farm, everything teeters on the edge of collapse.
Her mother’s sudden announcement threatens to unravel the fragile threads holding them together, leaving her to face not just her past, but an uncertain tomorrow.
I feel like I was in the right but my aunt, three of my siblings think I’m an asshole. I’m 31 and a female and I’m the oldest of ten kids my parents had me at 15,16 respectively. They both dropped out of high school and they got married when my mom was 17.
My dad joined the military and they had my next sibling on my moms 18th birthday. My brother is 28, the other kids range in age from 10-27. I grew up taking care of my siblings, my mom and dad expected me to basically help raise their younger kids.
Because of this I have no interest in having kids myself. My 23 year old sister pretty much took over my role and still lives at home. My mom is 46 she homeschools the 10,12,14, and 17 year olds.
She has never worked although she doesn’t do chores or clean the kids chores cover that. Her and my dad bought a fixer upper he planned on fixing up when he retires in a few years, they plan on turning into an organic farm.
However now that’s all up in the air as my mom just announced this weekend she is pregnant again. She thought she was suffering from pre menopause..nope she’s pregnant.
Thing is she also admitted she had not been taking her BC for the last year and had hoped to have one more child. I lost my cool because my dad has a bad back and he should have retired this year. Now with the new baby he is saying he may have to work another ten years.
I told my mom she’s disgusting for doing that, and she had ten kids that’s plenty enough. She burst into tears and ran out of the room, my dad told me to leave unless I was going to apologize and my 20 year old brother and 23,25 year old sisters told me I was an asshole.
My 28 year old brother and my gf said I maybe could have said it nicer but they think it’s messed up. So reddit was I the asshole?
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THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.:
The thread exploded with reactions. Whether agreeing or disagreeing, everyone had something to say — and they said it loud.
KorsiBear - :- In my opinion, NTA. Its against the grain for many people, but people shouldnt be popping out this many kids in general, nonetheless when its gonna put such a burden on your Dad. We have population problems as is. Edit: Thanks for the silver!
Also, I'm not going to debate people in the comments on the existence of our very real and very serious population issues.
maywellflower - :- Your 28 year old brother&your gf are right - you're not wrong but could had said that a lot nicer.
Technically NTA because well, you or other 2 next oldest siblings will wind up taking care of your newest sibling if something awful happens to your father - just saying....
11BINF - :- NTA you could have been more tactful but Jesus Christ 10 kids with another one on the way, has your mom ever not been pregnant!!!!!
IdhaveaPuppers - :- ESH. I feel bad for your dad working longer, especially since it sounds like he had no idea she had quit the BC. However, the horse is out of the barn and blowing up at her in front of everyone was probably not the best way to handle it.
At the very least, you put your dad in an uncomfortable position to support his now-hormonal wife against his child. Speaking your mind is your right, but you caused some collateral damage.
MrsYugaron - :- NTA. TBH I think it’s arguably child abuse to continually have children they can’t provide for. I have a friend with like 7 children. They live in a two bedroom house and can barely afford to eat.
She says “I don’t think I’m done having kids yet.” IF YOUR KIDS SHARE A LOAF OF BREAD FOR LUNCH YOU SHOULD BE DONE HAVING KIDS. This is definitely me projecting lol but still.
Jaywearspants - :- NTA - I think she needs to quit, the world is overpopulated and oof. The burden she’s putting on your family is nuts
sleazsaurus - :- As the 10th of 12 kids myself, you are NTA. It is disgusting to keep popping kids out like they are toys for the other siblings to raise.
By the time we three youngest were in high school, my parents were so burnt out on raising kids that they basically didn't.
The original poster (OP) strongly asserted their belief that their mother's decision to become pregnant again, after neglecting birth control, was irresponsible given the family's existing situation and the father's health.
This firm stance immediately led to significant emotional distress for the mother and caused the OP to be alienated by their mother, father, and three siblings.
Considering the OP's history of shouldering significant caregiving responsibilities and their current stance against more children, was the blunt, negative reaction justified by the circumstances, or did the aggressive delivery cross a line into unacceptable cruelty?
Where should the boundary lie between expressing genuine concern over a life-altering decision and maintaining basic familial respect?