AITA for letting my Aunt and Cousins arrested?
Born into a poor Catholic community where family meant everything, he faced relentless bullying and rejection for excelling in school and for being gay.
His dreams of education and a better life were constantly crushed by relatives who mocked and hurt him, determined to erase his true self and ambitions.
Yet, against all odds, at sixteen he won a national competition that opened the door to study abroad in London.
Balancing three part-time jobs to survive and support his family, he found love and hope in an unexpected place, proving that resilience and courage can break through even the darkest of circumstances.
I was born in a poor Catholic community in South East Asia where 'family' is above all else. Growing up my parents drilled in my head that education will get you a good job and possibly out of poverty.
Growing up cousins will always bully me for being good in school and for being gay. Aunts and Uncles will oftentimes mock, embarass and hit in the head to try get out the gay in me.
They will insult me at every opportunity for dreaming of finishing college and becoming something in life. Back in 2008 at 16yrs old senior in HS I won a national competition funded by a charity and the winner will have the opportunity to study abroad.
I got accepted in a London university due to my grades. During my college years I work 3 part time jobs to be able to feed myself and send some money back home to my parents. Back in 2010 I met my husband in the bakery that I work part time. My husband came from old French money.
During my college years he oftentimes ask me to move in with him and he will support me financially. I always declined, I want to make it on my own. Eventually I graduated 2012 and we got married back in 2014. Currently I (29M) and my husband (37M) lives in France since 2014.
Back in 2017 with the help of my husband's family I'm able to move my parents and two brothers here as well. Since then relatives been hounding me to do the same for them, honestly I don't want to.
Behind my back my parents asked a favor to my MIL to help 2 cousin's (35F, 25F) and a Aunt (50F). June 2019 cousin's and aunt were able to get here and had a hard time getting jobs since none of them were able to finish HS.
My MIL and FIL hired them to be extra help mainly with cleaning, I am against this since I know them and I am sure they will do something stupid. And I'm not wrong. Items start to disappear in my in-laws house, this has never been an issue in the past.
One rainy November day I received a call form my MIL. She informed me multiple number of designer handbags and jewelry went missing and Aunt and cousins were missing as well.
Police were called and they were arrested in a train station 2 hrs outside of Paris with multiple pawnshop receipts, cash and train tickets going to Milan. We are able to collect all the stolen items and my MIL filed lawsuits against them.
My MIL is a wonderful woman and my parents are deeply embarrassed and apologized to her multiple times. Relatives are now asking me to talk to her to drop the lawsuits. Honestly I don't want to, and it's up to the French police.
They are now calling me ungrateful and useless since I don't want anything with it. I feel like I am turning my back to 'family' and I fell horrible about it. AITA?
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HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
Users didn’t stay quiet — they showed up in full force, mixing support with sharp criticism. From calling out bad behavior to offering real talk, the comments lit up fast.
FreyaVee - :- NTA - fuckk I never react to this kind off post. But baby you are toooooo good of a person. Family is not only blood and you in-law's are much more your family than these peoples. I hope they get deported and back to where they came from.
You did so much for them, you should let them go back to see how it was before. Let it all slide over your back and go be happy with your amazing and loving hubby. YOU deserve this and they deserve what is coming for them.
Cevanne45 - :- NTA. You would be the asshole for putting your mother in law in that position. She's your family too, her trust was abused in a horrible way and she deserves your support. Your aunt has forfeited the right to claim family.
PotentialityKnocks - :- NTA. You’ve gone well above and beyond for your family, and they abused the trust of those around you and made extremely poor choices. At some point, they need to take responsibility for their own lives and you for yours.
Culturally, I don’t doubt that’s difficult. But they sound like they’re taking huge advantage of you
Comrade_Ze - :- NTA. No question about it. They committed a crime, they deserve the punishment. I've had the same problems with a cousin of mine, and I didn't feel bad one bit, and neither should you. Honestly think letting them get sued is the right thing to do
NumaNumaYayy - :- NTA times 240000. What a shitty extended family. How ungrateful, that they were able to move to France cos of you and your in-laws and then they fucked it up by literally stealing from the people who went over and above to give them a better life?
Hilarious that they’re calling YOU ungrateful. Cut them off, they’ve gotta work through their own karma now and your loyalty is rightly to your husband and his family rather than people who have mistreated you always.
But outta interest, I know French immigration laws are hella strict so how the eff did they get over?!
madblackscientist - :- All I will say is that people from abject poverty are always in fight or flight mode, trying to find ways to survive.
What they did was very wrong, but they are trying to survive, and given France’s history of capitalism and how many French people got rich...yeah not the best. Take this issue carefully and delicately. Do with this info what you must, and be prepared to have things go south.
gringaellie - :- NTA you reap what you sow. Surely as religious people they know the commandments? I'm sure not stealing is one of them!
The original poster (OP) is caught between the deeply ingrained cultural expectation of prioritizing extended family obligations and the personal need to protect their marriage, in-laws, and established life from harm caused by relatives.
The OP feels severe guilt for not intervening on behalf of their cousins and aunt, even though those relatives engaged in serious criminal behavior (theft) against the people who generously offered them sanctuary and employment.
Given the significant criminal actions committed by the relatives against the in-laws who sponsored them, should the OP uphold the traditional obligation to protect their biological family from legal consequences, or is it more appropriate to respect the boundaries and decisions of their immediate family unit (the husband and in-laws) by refusing to interfere with the ongoing legal process?