AITA for not bringing my mom with me on vacation because she doesnt give credit where credit is due?
In the heart of the Philippines, a son hides his true beliefs behind a veil of silence, trapped between the devout faith of his mother and his own quiet atheism.
Born into a life shaped by his mother’s unwavering trust in divine signs and her costly decisions, he bore witness to hardships that fueled his resolve to carve a different path—one grounded not in faith, but in relentless effort and determination.
For twenty-five years, he labored in the shadows of his mother’s faith, silently nurturing a dream to give her a life she never had.
Success came not as a gift from above, but as a testament to his will, manifesting in a home, a car, and steady support—symbols of a son’s love that transcends belief, even as the story remains unfinished, lingering in the space between gratitude and unspoken truths.
We are from the Philippines and my mom is extremely religious. I am a closeted atheist since I was about 13.
My mom had quite a tough-ish life due to (mostly) her bad decisions like not being good with money, refusing every good opportunity that came her way because she believed in "signs from God".
While I told her it's a very good decision to sell, since person x comes by ANYWAY she follows her "sign". She is a single mom and I am her only child. So I always dreamt of giving her a good life.
I learned to not follow her mistakes, and I suppose this is why I became an atheist. I worked extremely hard because I wanted a different life from that of my mom. 25 yrs later, I became quite successful. Bought her a house, a car and an allowance each month.
She never once thanked me. Instead, she thanked God. I ignored this at first, but then she got quite extreme. I mentioned to her that I did work pretty hard to get here, and she says things like "This is God's reward to me, all those years of following him.
I deserve/earned this" and "It was through my prayers and faith that He listened and gave you the strength to push through.
If you think this was purely because of you, you are sorely mistaken!"
I am going to Australia for a holiday, I wanted to take her and she said something like "praise be to Him!
He loves me so much, he knew I deserve to have a vacation!" I don't know why, but it rubbed me the wrong way and told her "nevermind, I'm going alone."
She is upset, asked why and I said that I am so sick and tired of hearing her praise some Being for my hard work and love.
She said I am being ungrateful and delusional if I think my success was because of "just me working hard"
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HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
What started as a simple post quickly turned into a wildfire of opinions, with users chiming in from all sides.
[deleted] - :- NTA, that much worship isn't really healthy. She needs to give credit where credit is due and you sound like you need a vacation from her anyway.
JohnnyTestGamer22 - :- NTA I’m Christian but Christians who pull this shit are huge assholes. You can believe in god and still give people credit when they work hard and are successful. Edit: not saying you shouldn’t thank god im thankful to god but you can thank god and the person
Yenventure - :- MAJOR NTA. SAME PROBLEM, what is up with filo parents? Ps. Im in Aus, sydney if you need a tour guide. Haha. If you want to fight back in a way she will understand, quote Romans 2:4-8 NIV.
When you first read it, she will think she is deserving of the trip more. But then you need to clarify, God is rewarding only you because of your hard work and continued perserverance.
She has not acknowledged you for your efforts, she cannot say she deserves this trip without also seeing the "tool/divine way" (you) in which God has supposedly provided for her. This attitude annoys me to no end.
4-5 / 7-8 applies to her and 6 applies to you. I can totally give you more bible quotes if you need. PK= researching the bible to prove myself right. Lolol
Kecir - :- NTA. I’m sure all the bad in the world is God’s will when asked, right? People like this never cease to amaze me. Religion fills in whatever excuse is appropriate for them. It also absolves them of their own issues cause it must be God’s will.
[deleted] - :- NTA. I honestly can’t believe people are saying you could be the asshole. I’d be furious if I was basically playing parent for my mother and she never once thanked me.
How do you take care of someone’s every single need, and they thank some being they have no proof of? I understand being religious but this is delusional. OP this is all because of your hard work and dedication, don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
Quarque - :- NTA, when you get back, ask her why God didn't send her with you, ask her if it means she is no longer considered worthy by him. Ask her what it would mean if she got her allowance cut off?
Ask her if God would approve of the way she ignores your acomplishments, ask her why you have been successful without being as faithful.
bananko12 - :- NTA. God changed his mind about her needing a vacation. Congrats on being a hard worker, hope success keeps coming to you.
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant emotional distress because their deeply religious mother consistently credits divine intervention for the OP's hard-earned success, instead of acknowledging the OP's efforts.
This conflict centers on a fundamental disagreement over the source of achievement and recognition, deeply tied to the OP's hidden atheism and the mother's strong faith.
Should the OP continue to provide substantial material support while enduring the constant invalidation of their efforts, or is cancelling the shared vacation a necessary boundary to protect their emotional well-being against unacknowledged contributions?
Is the mother's religious attribution a cultural coping mechanism, or a direct dismissal of the OP's reality?