AITA for making my son eat off dirty dishes?
A mother’s love is tested not by grand gestures, but by the quiet battles fought in the trenches of everyday life.
For this woman, the constant struggle with her teenage son’s careless defiance over simple chores has become a source of deep frustration and exhaustion, each dirty dish a silent symbol of the gap growing between them.
Her heart aches not just from the mess left behind, but from the weight of feeling unseen and unheard in her own home.
In the quiet aftermath of another long day, tears slip down her cheeks—not from anger, but from a profound weariness that comes when love feels one-sided.
The dishwasher full of grime is more than just a chore undone; it is a breaking point, a moment where patience frays and the hope for understanding feels painfully out of reach.
This is the story of a mother’s fierce love clashing with a son’s stubborn rebellion, a clash that still reverberates in her heart months later.
This happened two months ago, but he’s still furious over it. I’m 45f. I love my oldest son, but he’s 17 and acts like it. Our family rotates chores- cooking, dishes, cleaning common areas are all done by each family member on different days.
My son hates chores and always tries to half ass it to get out of doing it. It’s been a constant battle. Dishes are the worst. He overpacks the dishwasher so the dish detergent can’t even get on the dishes. It just catches on whatever pan he shoved in front.
He also doesn’t rinse the dishes at all, so they come out dirty and caked in food. If we want to eat the day after he does dishes, we end up having to hand wash them. He doesn’t care.
Any attempt to talk to him is met with a little smirk and he would say, but the dishwasher sanitized it. He knows exactly what he’s doing. The day after his night to do dishes, I went to cook dinner. All the dishes were in the washer still, filthy. I had worked all day.
I was exhausted. I honestly teared up seeing this bullshit. I didn’t have the energy to make dinner, let alone do an entire load of dishes first. I quietly called hubby in and he offered to hand wash the dishes I needed. Lightbulb moment.
I told him, yes please, but only enough dishes for preparing the food and serving everyone but 17 y/o. I made dinner and called kiddos to eat. 17 y/o sat down and saw his setting was empty. He asked where his plate amd silverware and water cup was.
I pointed to the dishwasher and said, tonight you’ll be eating off of the dishes you did. Go pick them out. He went pale and started protesting that it was gross. I quickly cut him off and reminded him that the dishwasher sanitized them. Hubby backed me up.
If he wants to eat tonight, he will eat off his dishes. He huffed and said he’d make his own food, which I said no. Eventually, he relented and found the least disgusting dishes and ate his dinner quietly. I felt bad- he looked so sick and grossed out.
But I was sick of him wasting time and water and detergent. And it worked! His dishes came out spotless after. Not a speck. But like I said, he’s still furious and I do feel bad now that it’s over and done with. I’m just sick of the weaponized incompetence.
He doesn’t realize that his laziness fucks over everyone else in the house. AITA?
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HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
What started as a simple post quickly turned into a wildfire of opinions, with users chiming in from all sides.
Temporary_Badger - :- NTA. You probably should have done this long ago. If he doesn’t experience consequences he’s not going to grow up and be less selfish, and he is at an age where this is not going to be typical or understandable behavior very, very soon.
ElleEmGee - :- NTA. Actions have consequences, and your son learned he can't half-ass his responsibilities and get no consequence for it. He smirks. He knows what he's doing. And he clearly learned his lesson, since his dishes have been spotless since.
He needed that kick in the ass, because otherwise, he'd grow into an adult who weaponizes his incompetence against a partner and then be when said partner calls him on the bullshit.
saltysegall - :- NTA He's almost old enough to vote and still acts like a toddler. He can't get away with being a disgusting, lazy slob and expect to be treated with respect when he disregards the shared tasks and responsibilities in the same household.
He's not paying bills so the least he can do is help around keeping the house up to appropriate standards. He's way old enough to know his actions have consequences.
brokeanail - :- NTA. He knew what he was doing, and sometimes this sort of lesson is the only one that'll take.
Better the consequences of his shitty behaviour bite him in the ass amongst family, while he's still young, rather than out in the world amongst people who don't care about him.
RastaFazool - :- NTA. sometimes you need to use a little tough love to correct negative behavior, especially with a teenager. you took his laziness and used it as a mirror for him to see the consequences of his actions and the impacts it has on others. this is parenting done right. hopefully he learns his lesson from it.
LynnChat - :- NTA. He was okay with having everyone in the family eating off dirty dishes. Clearly you gotta use the tools you’ve been given. How else was he to understand?
Hitzsheila - :- NTA. That’s actually hysterical and well played. As a kid I was incredibly defiant and there was not a punishment you could dole out that had any impact, but maybe I’d have thought twice after this. Maybe.
The original poster (OP) felt exhausted and frustrated by her 17-year-old son's repeated refusal to complete his chores correctly, leading to necessary extra work for others.
Her action was a direct response to this perceived weaponized incompetence, creating a situation where the son was forced to confront the direct consequences of his poor performance.
Was the mother justified in making her son eat off the dirty dishes he failed to clean properly as a lesson in accountability, or did this method of punishment cross a line into being overly harsh and humiliating for a teenager?