AITA for telling my friends mom she choose to have a child at 45?
Two best friends, bound by twelve years of unwavering loyalty, stand at the crossroads of life’s most profound journeys—one embracing motherhood, the other savoring youth’s freedom.
Their bond is tested not by judgment, but by the quiet tension that arises when dreams and timelines diverge, revealing the delicate dance between love, expectation, and the passage of time.
Amid the joyous celebration of new life, a shadow lingers in the form of a mother whose own late-in-life motherhood casts a complex emotional hue over the gathering.
Her silent struggles and unspoken fears echo loudly, reminding us that the journey of parenthood is as much about confronting inner doubts as it is about welcoming new beginnings.
My best friend and I have been best friends since we were 12. We are now 24. Her mom had her at 45. I also want to be clear THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING A CHILD IN YOUR 40’S. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE A CHILD IN YOUR 40’S.
THIS POST ISN’T ABOUT BASHING MOMS IN THEIR 40’s. Basically I’m married, we are financially stable, and we decided to have a baby. I got pregnant, and my best friend was overjoyed for us.
She loves kids but has been really clear that right now she is enjoying being young and doesn’t want to settle down. She doesn’t see herself having children until her mid 30’s. Of course this is absolutely fine. No judgment. During my baby shower my best friends mom kept pouting.
She kept going on and on about how she is going to be extremely old by the time her daughter has children and she won’t be able to enjoy them. How she just wishes my friend would get pregnant and settle down now. How it’s not fair to her that she won’t be able to be a grandma.
I mean ranting to anyone who would listen. My friend looked really sad. I could tell she was upset. Everyone just looked uncomfortable as she was going on. After the party when everyone left I talked to my friend about what happened.
She admitted to me that her mom has been really hard on her about settling down because of her age. But that she’s just not ready to and she needs her to understand that. Flash forward to them meeting my baby recently. My best friends mom launches in again.
I just said to her “but Christina you made the choice to have a baby at 45. You had to know there was a chance you might be pretty old by the time you became a grandparent.
It’s not fair to try and push Alison into a life she isn’t ready for because you want to be a grandparent.”
She got up and left. But my friend thanked me later. AITA?
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HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
The internet jumped in fast, delivering everything from kind advice to cold truth. It’s a mix of empathy, outrage, and no-nonsense takes.
babewithimagination - :- NTA. She needed to hear that. She may also be worried her daughter will make the same "miscalculation" she did by having a baby late in life. But again, she shouldn't bedisturbing everyone and needs to take no for an answer.
curiousbelgian - :- NTA. Good for you for standing up for your friend. Christina needs to realize that Alison will plan her family arrangements around her own needs, not her mother’s, and it was probably helpful for both of them to hear it from you. Well done.
CancelAshamed1310 - :- I had my second baby at 41. I fully understood I would always be the “older mother” with him. But it’s also pushed me to take care of my health and be active so I will be able to enjoy fresh grandchildren in my 70’s. I know many active 80 year olds. You are NTA.
chronicallysle - :- My mom had her six children between the ages of 21 and 33. All of us were married by 26. All of us had at least one child by 30. Guess what? My mom died at 58, and there are still grandchildren she never got to meet. Age is never a guarantee.
You make the choices that are right for YOU, take good care of your health, and look both ways before crossing the street. Other than that, it's luck.
RuhWalde - :->Now before everyone tells me that’s not possible it is absolutely possible for some women. I’m not a fucking scientist but my friend is proof that it can happen. So I don’t want to hear it.
Uh, just an FYI, everyone knows it's possible for some women to have a baby at 45. It's really weird for you to be so preemptively defensive about this.
Initial728 - :- NTA. Good for you fir standing up for your friend, you said it well. It's not her fault that her mom was 45 when she was born. It's also completely normal to want some years to be young, and settling down before you're ready isn't great either.
Sorry that Christina will be an older grandma but Alison doesn't owe her a grandchild before she's ready IMHO.
embopbopbopdoowop - :- NTA Thanks for standing up for your friend! She has to see how unfair it is for her to put that pressure on her daughter. Not to mention hypocritical.
Your friend’s choice about when (or whether) to try for children is her choice to make, not her mother’s.
The original poster (OP) intervened when the best friend's mother publicly pressured the friend to have children, citing the mother's own advanced age when having her child.
This action stemmed from the OP's desire to defend their friend's autonomy against external emotional manipulation, which resulted in the mother leaving the gathering upset.
Was the OP justified in directly confronting the best friend's mother about her expectations regarding grandparenthood, or did this intervention cross a boundary by involving themselves in a difficult family dynamic?
The core debate rests on whether protecting a friend from emotional pressure outweighs the potential disruption of confronting an assertive elder in public.