AITA for telling my dil she showed us who she really was on her wedding day?
In the midst of what should have been a joyous celebration, a father watched helplessly as his son's wedding day unraveled into a painful display of selfishness and cruelty.
Debbie’s entitled behavior cast a shadow over the family’s happiness, especially towards the father’s eldest daughter, who was quietly battling the vulnerability of early pregnancy and the weight of past loss.
Instead of support and love, she was met with harsh judgment and humiliation on a day meant for unity.
The wounds deepened when family bonds were fractured over something as simple as a seating arrangement, leading to silent resentment and a best man’s painful withdrawal.
And as if the day’s heartbreak wasn’t enough, tragedy struck again just days later when the daughter suffered another miscarriage—alone in her grief while the newlyweds were away.
This family’s story is one of celebration marred by division, pain, and the cruel absence of compassion when it was needed most.
I’m the father of four children. In May my son Neil got married to Debbie. Debbie acted terribly the whole day. Straight up entitled and embarrassing. My oldest daughter was 3 months pregnant and hadn’t told anyone because she has already had one miscarriage.
She was barely showing and Debbie picking a tight fitting bridesmaid dress. My daughter was super sick from morning sickness and Debbie told her she looked disgusting and stop taking attention off of her.
My son who was best man to the groom (his brother) had his wife seated with some cousins across the room at the reception and not at the family table because she wasn’t immediate family.
We did not know this until the reception and tried to have her moved back with our table and Debbie said no it’s her day. It caused a fight and the best man just left before the reception because his wife was snubbed.
A few days after the wedding my daughter miscarried again while Debbie and Neil was on their honeymoon. Debbie felt like that was attention seeking.
My wife, children, and spouses normally rent a house by the beach for Labor Day and because of continued bad blood between Debbie and the rest of the family they aren’t invited. All 3 of my other children basically said if Debbie comes they aren’t going.
So Debbie and Neil got the axe.
When Neil asked about it I told him “Debbie showed us who she really was on her wedding day and don’t expect many invites from the rest of the family to do things” Neil was pissed and saying it’s not fair that she is feeling left out because she saw on social media where all the girls (including the snubbed sil, her mother, and my wife) went to Barbie movie dressed in pink and she felt left out.
Now he has to tell her she can’t go to the annual beach vacation and she’s feeling hurt. I told him not one person in the family wants Debbie there and I’m sorry that she can’t come.
My son had me on speaker and Debbie started crying say she can’t believe how horrible we are and she wasn’t going to go anyways and don’t expect to see her at Thanksgiving or Christmas ever again.
I lost my temper at Debbie and I told her the rest of the family would be relieved to hear it.
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HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
The crowd poured into the comments, bringing a blend of heated opinions, solid advice, and a few reality checks along the way.
snarkness_monster - :->I’m sorry that she can’t come. Sorry, not sorry.>Debbie started crying say she can’t believe how horrible we are and she wasn’t going to go anyways and don’t expect to see her at Thanksgiving or Christmas ever again.
Tell Debbie you feel like that's attention seeking behavior and to stop taking attention off the family. Also, tell her you understand her position and will respect her decision not to come. Ever. Again. NTA
OutoftheCold125 - :->A few days after the wedding my daughter miscarried again while Debbie and Neil was on their honeymoon. Debbie felt like that was attention seeking. Every day Reddit makes me ask "How do people like that exist?" NTA
DreamingofRlyeh - :- NTA It takes a truly awful person to tell a mother who has just had her second baby die to "stop seeking attention."
ChordStrike - :- NTA, and if I were part of your family, I'd be thrilled to hear that I wouldn't see her again at any more family gatherings. I'm sorry, your daughter *miscarried* and Debbie thought that was attention seeking?
When I tell you my jaw dropped...does Neil know all the details of how Debbie acted on her wedding day and afterwards? Because there are more than enough reasons to not want her around. Does he think you and the rest of the family are being mean for no reason??
Allaboutbird - :- NTA. She owes people about 200 sincere apologies before there should be any consideration of inviting her to another family gathering.
She sounds absolutely awful and you don't have to put up with her terrible behavior just because she's family by marriage.
dwells2301 - :->my daughter miscarried again while Debbie and Neil was on their honeymoon. Debbie felt like that was attention seeking. I'm sure your daughter miscarried on purpose just to take the focus off of the newlyweds. NTA.
Heloise_Morris - :- NTA Hopefully, your son's next wife won't be such a diva (🤞). Your son could have shut down his wife at anytime but chose not to so he's not an innocent bystander, he's an active participant.
Sometimes weddings bring families together, sometimes the cops are called when a fight breaks out at the venue. It's up to your son and daughter in law to mend broken fences not the rest of the family. Until then, keep the door open and carry on.
The original poster (OP) is clearly prioritizing the feelings and long-term harmony of his existing family unit over accommodating his son Neil and new daughter-in-law Debbie, whose behavior at the wedding caused significant distress and alienation among relatives.
The central conflict stems from Debbie's perceived entitlement and hurtful actions, which led to immediate social consequences, such as exclusion from family events, and escalating tensions that have now resulted in Neil and Debbie cutting themselves off from most future family gatherings.
Given the severe rift caused by Debbie’s actions and the subsequent refusal by the wider family to include her, is the father justified in firmly supporting the family consensus against including Debbie in the upcoming beach vacation, even if it means Neil chooses to boycott the event with her?