AITA for my response when asked "why are you still single"?
At 36, she carries the weight of unanswered questions and unsolicited pity from those around her. Each inquiry about her single status cuts deeper than they realize, reopening wounds from a past too painful to share.
Their well-meaning sympathy only fuels her frustration, turning what should be simple curiosity into a daily emotional battle. Yet, in the face of relentless probing, she finds a spark of defiance.
Crafting a clever, lighthearted response, she reclaims her narrative, turning invasive questions into moments of quiet strength.
Behind the smile and wit lies a woman determined to protect her story and her peace, refusing to be defined by others’ assumptions or judgments.
I (36 year old single female) get asked this question a lot and since it comes from co workers, extended family, friends of friends then responding rudely by saying "non of your darn business sweety" still didn't seem to work (not anymore lol) I try to keep good relationships with those around me for a number of reasons, but this question just pisses me off.
especially since the reason for why I'm single is pretty traumatic and so is very personal. they feel sorry for me I can see it because they'd list all my good traits then say it's a shame that no man is willing to 'win' it. WTF?
unfortunately, I get caught off guard a lot by people (especially women) asking this question but since I can't control the fact that they ask (I really wish they'd just leave me the heck alone) I decided to use this method that I came up with very recently.
for example, if a woman asks why I'm still single I'd just tell her "because I still haven't met your husband/boyfriend yet. while acting somewhat slu tty in the moment. so far it seemed to shut them up. it's kind of passive aggressive, yes.
but I just feel some sort of power doing it. Well, few weeks ago, my sister introduced me to her boyfriend's sister and once she sits down she asks "how old are you?
I tell her and she gasps and goes on to ask why are you still single?" I look at her and say "it's because I still haven't met your boyfriend yet" (she has a boyfriend yay her) in the slu ttiest tone I could muster while also pulling "the duck face" pose.
she looks at me in utter shock then puts her coffee down while my sister stares at me like wtf?!?!. conversation gets awkward and minutes later she gets up saying she wasn't feeling well and leaves quietly.
my sister blows up at me asking wtf I just said and I start arguing with her about how this woman was a snoop.
she told me to get over myself and "act my age" and stop being childish which she assumed is the reason why I'm single and will always be "cause no man wants to be with such a nutjob".
her boyfriend said I upset his sister and is expecting apologies from me because of what I said to her. So, AITA?
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THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.:
The thread exploded with reactions. Whether agreeing or disagreeing, everyone had something to say — and they said it loud.
Serious_Much - :- ESH. I get that you are annoyed by having this asked of you constantly, but you literally just met this woman today and this is your sister bringing the SIL to meet the family. Way too intense and over the line.
cara1yn - :- YTA because we don't live in a sitcom universe where we need zingers every time we speak to one another.
none of all the people you've encountered know that you get asked this all the time or that it's traumatic for you, they aren't all conspiring together to press this button of yours, and while yes it is a nosey and invasive question, that doesn't mean you should outright disrespect them answering it.
if it really bugs you when people ask, just be honest with them about your feelings - such as "honestly, I really hate this question/topic and it's not something I want to get into," or, if you don't feel like setting a hard boundary, keep it vague like "I'm working through some things" and refuse to give extra details.
everyone will appreciate the hell out of you for setting a boundary instead of just being mean. clearly they see something in you that they really value, give them grace instead of taking cheap shots.
renwizzle - :- I feel like "its a personal choice" would be both dismissive and informative enough, without intentionally upsetting people. It shows the topic is not up for discussion and you're not really telling them anything.
I understand the question feels rude, obtrusive, invasive and triggering in itself which makes you want to embarrass the person asking.
I hate being asked why I don't have kids when I've been married for over 10 years, I'm so sick of the question and the following gaslighting comments when I give my reasons.
I started saying "why do you need to know if my husband cums inside of me?" And became "that friend" that people had to explain isn't actually an arsehole. Your reasons are your own, and you don't owe anyone anything. But life is a bit smoother when you're in control of your reactions to triggers. Good luck babe x
Reason_Training - :- NTA. I detest this question too! Being single is happiness to me. No drama to put up with. Try this next time: on the lookout for a billionaire with 1.99 feet in the grave. Know any?
DinoBabyMama21 - :- ESH. I love your response, don't get me wrong. However, you chose the wrong audience. That is a terrific response for nosy people you won't encounter again and in 1-on-1 interactions.
Choosing your sister's bf's sister with witnesses, not the best plan. But they should mind their own damn business too, and they suck wayyyy more than you did (see, they continue to suck and you had one minute of momentary suckiness) 😉
ruinrunner9 - :- It may be seen as an inappropriate question, but society doesn't see it that way or it wouldn't be asked so often. Nobody actually wants to know the answer, they ask to implying you're a catch.
Beneath how it's phrased it's used as a term of affection in social situations. Most people who ask aren't out to remind you of your trauma. They don't know what you've been through and responding the way you do might jeopardize relationships.
If every reminder of reality incites such an aggressive response you have not come to terms with whatever trauma you faced.
CronologicallyAbsent - :- NTA. You’re 36 and have been hounded by this question I’m gonna assume for years so the training wheeled response is definitely off the table at this point.
Besides, if people are gonna ask stupid invasive questions they deserve a response that shuts it down off the bat. Heck, I think it’s funny especially if you do the “duck lip” face each time. More power to you.
The original poster (OP) is clearly frustrated by intrusive personal questions regarding her single status, especially given the painful private reasons behind it.
Her initial attempts at direct rudeness failed to stop the inquiries, leading her to adopt a passive-aggressive, provocative response strategy to regain a sense of control and silence the questioners.
Was the OP justified in using a deliberately shocking, passive-aggressive remark to defend her privacy against intrusive questioning, or did her response escalate the situation unnecessarily, causing relational harm?
Is the right to privacy worth temporarily sacrificing polite social standing in these specific interactions?