AITA for causing my son to lose his only friend?
From the moment he was born, their 13-year-old son faced a world that often seemed unkind—his disability and speech impediment marking him as different, yet his bright mind and gentle heart shone through.
Despite his brilliance and resilience, the cruel weight of bullying forced him into isolation, robbing him of the friendships every child deserves and leaving his younger sister as his only true companion. Then, hope arrived with new neighbors and a friendship that seemed to promise belonging and joy.
But that fragile happiness was shattered when the cruel truth emerged: the boy he trusted was exploiting his vulnerabilities, turning him into a target of mockery and pain.
The parents’ hearts broke not only for the betrayal but for the silent suffering their son endured, sacrificing his dignity for the illusion of friendship.
Our 13 year old son has a disability from birth. He uses crutches to walk and has a speech impediment. Other than that, he's very bright and kind. He is even studying everything a grade ahead then what he's supposed to.
He's been homeschooled for the last two years because of how severe the bullying got. And it kills me to say it but he's never had an actual friend other than his younger sister. We've tried so hard to facilitate friendships but it's never clicked.
Seven months ago, we got new neighbors. My son and their son were the same age and they started hanging out. My wife and I were happy beyond words. My son was also extremely happy to finally have a friend his own age.
Last month, we were made aware of videos the boy was making of my son and sending them to children from his school. Very cruel words were used in the video, including the "r" slur.
We were heartbroken to find out that our son was aware of the videos and was allowing his "friend" to make fun of him just so they could hang out. Despite his protests, I brought up the videos with the boy's parents. I was furious.
To their credit, they were extremely apologetic and the mother was so upset she cried. The boy was very embarassed and was made to apologize to my son. But he's now refusing to become friends with my son again, which has devastated him.
I'm now second guessing all my actions and I'm wondering if I should have just reached out to the boy in private. My son didn't want me to involve the parents but I did it anyway. I'm feeling very guilty. My wife is also very upset over the while thing.
We've already started therapy for our son. Just wondering if I did the right thing here. My son won't even talk to me anymore.
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AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.:
The thread exploded with reactions. Whether agreeing or disagreeing, everyone had something to say — and they said it loud.
AngeloPappas - :- NTA - The only asshole is your son's ex "friend". This is obviously incredibly hard for your son to process, but I think you did what's right here. Are there any other ways you can help your son make friends? Hobbies or clubs he can join where his mobility issues are not a hindrance?
PooPulls - :- NTA We have to protect our children, even from themselves. You’re son may not appreciate it now, but he’ll understand when he gets older.
You should reach out to Big Brothers/Big Sisters or a disability rights organization who may be able to help get him more involved with the community to find friends. Good luck. Love your child, everything else will work itself out.
GabiCoolLager - :- NTA, I'm sorry to hear this but this kid is not friends with your son. He apparently is using your son's disability to his own amusement. Young kids can be cruel and mean.
It must be terribly hard for your son to deal with this, since he felt like he lost the only friend he ever had, but he was also vulnerable to be mocked and to accept it since he couldn't possibly know better. I believe you did the right thing.
Truebies - :- No. No no no no no. NTA. Please don’t try and fool yourself into thinking you did the wrong thing here. That boy would never have been a friend to your son and in reality never was.
Your son was being used as a cruel source of entertainment to that boy and that’s something your son doesn’t deserve. Your son deserves people who care about him. Who support him. Who are actually friends.
What would have been incredibly damaging is to allow your son to keep this ‘friendship’ up just because he’s desperate for friends. The boy isn’t worthy of your sons time. Your son will grow up decent. That boy has little chance.
I can imagine you’re beating yourself up because you regret putting your son in a position where he feels this way but the amount of neglect towards his emotions it would have been if you haven’t said anything would have been astronomical. It’s difficult but you’re doing right by your son.
SeePerspectives - :- NTA - with a proviso However upset your son is at you in the short term, the long term damage to his mental health and self image from having a “friend” like that would be far worse.
IF I may make a suggestion, try looking for kids clubs and social activities directed at children with disabilities in your local area if you continue to homeschool, to give him the chance to build up his awareness of what good and bad friendships look like in a group that will be more understanding and less judgemental.
Alternatively, look for schools that cater specifically to children with disabilities and additional needs, as this would serve the same purpose.
Now, for my proviso, and I say this as a parent to 3 children with SEN, two of whom are teens: I completely understand the urge to protect our children as much as possible from anything and everything that can hurt them.
However, the purpose of raising children is to help them learn as many skills and tools as possible to negotiate adulthood in the real world to the best of their ability.
Your child will benefit far less from being sheltered from all of life’s bullies than he would from being taught the best ways of handling them so that when he faces these situations in future he has the ability to deal with them appropriately.
So far, the message you’ve unintentionally sent him, from both this encounter and from pulling him completely out of the education system, is that his only option is to isolate himself.
If not counteracted by giving him opportunities for socialisation, this could lead to one of two things.
An adult who is so desperate for friendship he will open himself to abuse to buy favour, or an adult who will be too frightened and socially challenged that they live miserably isolated. Find him a social outlet. He needs it.
TruDivination - :- NTA. You were right to end this. You didn’t cause your son to lose his friend, you took him away from his abuser and manipulator.
Your son will hopefully understand one day but even if the other boy apologized I would never allow him back with my son again. I’m glad at least his parents were rightfully mortified by this.
He was conditioning your son to be a victim, this is not normal behavior. It’s sad that your son has lost who he considered a friend but he should learn to avoid these people for his own sake. And for the sake of others!
If this had been overlooked who knows what else that boy had done that could have been missed. I wish you and your son the best or luck and hope your son will find true friends soon so that this normalcy of abuse isn’t ingrained.
The_chemical_hunter - :- YTA. You valued your own virtue signalling over your sons only friend. At the end of the day he knew what was happening.
He is a child (sure, and not fully developed, so you have to make some decisions for his welfare), but he preferred the ridicule he got to being alone. This world is a cruel place, with humans being the most cruelest to each other.
That is a fact of life. Your child will deal with discrimination all his life. He can either be a victim to it, or use it to his advantage.
HE WAS USING HIS DISABILITY TO HIS ADVANTAGE, and you took that away from him, took away what he was gaining, segragated him and made him poisionous to touch. Kids will always be A's to each other.
You made him the victim and took away what little empowerment he gave himself. But I am also sympathetic to the situation of being a parent and not wanting to see your child bullied. Sadly its a fact of life and he has learn to deal with it himself.
Next time this happens, fight that urge to make others recognise your sons victimhood. Talk to him, try to see from his perspective and see what he wants to gain from the situation Its not about you and your feelings. (I look forward to ypur downvotes)
The parent is experiencing intense guilt and regret after intervening in their son's newly formed friendship, which was damaged by the neighbor boy's bullying and subsequent social rejection.
The central conflict lies between the parent's protective instinct to address severe mistreatment and their son's desire to maintain the friendship, even at the cost of self-respect.
Did the parent violate their son's trust and agency by involving the neighbor's parents against his wishes, or was confronting the severe bullying, including hate speech, the necessary action to protect their vulnerable child? Was the resulting loss of friendship worth the establishment of necessary boundaries against abuse?