AITA for telling my sister in-law her daughters name isn't Irish?
In the quiet intersection of two cultures, a subtle tension brews between family members bound by love yet divided by identity.
An Irish woman, married to an American man, finds herself caught in the delicate dance of heritage and acceptance as her sister-in-law clings fiercely to the allure of everything Irish, even if it means bending the truth.
The arrival of a new baby girl becomes a battleground for authenticity, where the choice of a name—a symbol of identity and pride—unveils deeper conflicts.
Amid whispered doubts and unspoken disagreements, the story unfolds as a poignant reminder of how the simplest things can carry the heaviest weight in the tapestry of family and belonging.
I'm Irish. My husband is American. We live in the US currently but met back in Ireland. His sister has always been obsessed with my accent, my name and the fact that her brother married a real Irish person. She and her husband had a very recently, a little girl.
My sister in-law excitedly told me ages ago that she was giving her daughter an Irish name and she couldn't wait for me to hear it. Around that same time her husband asked me if the name was actually Irish (he told me what it was) and I said no.
I also pointed out that the Irish middle name they did use was the American spelling and not one used back home. I didn't say anything to her because she never asked and I wasn't supposed to know the name.
Apparently they argued over the name a lot and he tried to convince her to stop saying it was Irish. Her daughter was born and she announced the name to us and the rest of their family. She had the name printed on a banner so the spelling of the middle was clear too.
She talked about wanting an Irish name for her because of me. Her husband told her to stop saying it was Irish. She was so mad at him for claiming it wasn't and I jumped in.
I said the first name was Scottish, not Irish, and that the middle name is not the Irish spelling or anything close to it. She told me the name was Irish, that Irish and Scottish had the same stuff.
I told her there was some overlap sure but we still had our own distinct names and the one she had chosen was clearly Scottish. Then she told me she chose the least dumb spelling for the middle. She is so pissed that I pointed this out to her.
She's pissed at her husband for disagreeing with her in the first place. Drama has ensued and everybody is hearing about how shitty I am for trying to convince her that her daughters Irish name isn't, in fact, Irish. AITA?
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When users weighed in, they held nothing back. It’s a raw, honest look at what people really think.
Fun-Two-1414 - :- NTA If she really wanted an Irish name, then why not check it with you, an Irish person. Also, why argue with an Irish person about an Irish name and believing she knows more about Irish names than an actual Irish person.
Turbulent-Army2631 - :- NTA and this is a perfect example of cultural appropriation rather than cultural appreciation. If she cared about the culture she'd care about the accuracy and wouldn't say Scottish and Irish are basically the same.
She's being rude and I have no idea why she'd insist on arguing with someone who's actually from Ireland. She also insulted the Irish by saying their spelling of their own names are dumb. I can't believe anyone else is backing her on this. Edit: spelling
wanesandwaves - :- NTA If she was so adamant to get in on Irish culture and have a kid with an Irish name then surely the most sensible thing to do was…. Ask an actual Irish person aka her sister in law.
She’s just angry that her laziness has been called out so she’s flying off excuses like Scottish and Irish being close together (I am Scottish - Gaelic is so different in each country), then shitting on the genuine spelling by saying hers was the least dumb spelling. Yeeesh. Well her husband tried. You tried. She’s gonna do what she’s gonna do now.
But if she goes ahead, every Irish and Scottish person will know that her kid is one of those Americans who claims to be Irish and Scottish when it was really 50 generations ago or their grandpa lived in Edinburgh/Belfast for a wee while or their mom fancied a cool name and couldn’t be arsed to ask their Irish SIL 🙄
ginger_basket - :- NTA. As a fellow Irish person abroad I can understand letting some things slide for the sake of peace but saying Scottish and Irish names are the same thing is a little insulting.
If she really wanted the name to be Irish she should have chosen the Irish spelling. Otherwise it’s not really an Irish name. There’s plenty of genuine names to choose from.
You were right to step in if she was mad at her husband despite being the person in the wrong. There’s also a pretty high chance of the child being told by an Irish person in the future that their name isn’t Irish if they say it is.
SellQuick - :- NTA. I don't understand, she must have Googled the name for it's meaning and it should have listed the origin.
Unless it just said 'Gaelic' or something and she assumed that meant Irish, but she never once while her husband was telling her it wasn't Irish looked it up to prove him wrong?
Panaccolade - :- NTA. If it isn't Irish, it isn't Irish. No amount of tantrums or moaning on is going to change that fact. Not to mention the "Scottish and Irish had the same things!" remark.
It's like saying the Spanish and Italians are the same because they're both Mediterranean and have similar things and that's just silly.
-Pippi- - :- "How to tell you are living in the US without saying you are living in the US" NTA.
It is absurd how some Americans go around claiming the are Irish/Scandinavian/Italian because they maybe had a great great grandfather from there and it seems equally absurd she is so caught up with an Irish name when she is not Irish and didn't even talk to you about it.
It is fine she found a name she (hopefully) loves and feel the inspiration in some way is "Irish" in her head. However, the whole arguing part seems absurd (on her end) and I find it completely understandable that you clarified it.
The original poster (OP) is in a difficult position, facing the anger of her sister-in-law (SIL) after correcting her about the cultural origin of her newborn daughter's name.
The central conflict arises from the OP prioritizing factual accuracy regarding Irish heritage over preserving the SIL's enthusiastic but mistaken connection to that heritage, leading to significant family drama.
Was the OP justified in correcting a sensitive, celebrated choice like a baby's name to uphold cultural accuracy, or should she have remained silent to maintain peace, especially given the SIL's strong emotional investment?
Where does the boundary lie between sharing cultural identity and imposing correction on another family's decisions?