AITA for telling my wife not to talk to my dad, but I will continue to?
On the cusp of his sixteenth birthday, a young boy stood on the brink of newfound freedom, his heart set on the open road and the promise of independence.
What was meant to be a day of celebration, surprise, and family unity quickly became a battleground of priorities, revealing the fragile threads that hold a family together.
In the quiet tension between a father’s resolve and a mother’s need for space, the birthday boy’s special day became a mirror reflecting deeper struggles.
Amidst unspoken frustrations and conflicting demands, the true challenge was not the driving test, but navigating the delicate balance of love and understanding within a family.
A month ago my oldest turned sixteen. For his sixteenth birthday, the plan was to let him skip school, get to the DMV when it opens, take the driving test, go on a small road trip, be back around when school gets out and then all go out for a family dinner.
On the weekend would be his celebration with his friends. Skipping school for the DMV test was planned in advance, but the road trip was a surprise. A few days before the road trip my wife asked me to take our three year old with me that day.
I said I wasn't taking a toddler to the DMV; that place is a cesspit. Also the road trip is for additional driving practice before he's able to drive unsupervised. A toddler distracting him is not a good idea.
My wife said she wanted the day to herself and if I wasn't willing to take our toddler, the birthday stuff needs to be moved to the weekend so I can. I said I would take our toddler to work with me the next day, but our oldest's birthday is his day, so he's the priority.
She got angry and said she's made a hundred sacrifices for our kids, and saying she isn't a priority (not what I said) is disgusting. It was a big fight. My son's birthday she texted me that I'm an asshole multiple times. At the dinner she was in a bad mood.
After everyone ate my dad asked us all to go out to the parking lot. He handed the keys to his car to my son, saying he was getting a new one. He also said he would continue to pay the insurance for a year. My wife asked me if I knew about this, and I didn't.
She didn't believe me. My wife has called and texted my dad multiple times asking if he is going to do this for all of our kids, saying he shouldn't have done this without asking us first and telling him if he can't do this for all the kids, he needs to take the car back.
Eventually he told her shut up and stop bothering him. My wife told me I need to stop talking to my dad. She said he texted offensive language ("stop bothering me woman" which she says is sexist) towards her and I need to support her.
I said she needs to stop talking to my dad, not me. I'll support her not talking to him. My wife said I am disrespecting her, that I won't listen when she says she needs help and let my family treat her poorly. I think she is creating these situations herself.
She looks for offense and then finds it. Am I the asshole?
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AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.:
Users didn’t stay quiet — they showed up in full force, mixing support with sharp criticism. From calling out bad behavior to offering real talk, the comments lit up fast.
Tdm85129 - :- NTA. I can’t believe anyone would think that taking the three year old to your older sons driving test and road trip on his birthday would be the time for a break. That’s a punishment for your older child. This whole thing smells of something bigger. Is your older son hers biologically?
TiredxUnderpaid - :- NTA- take the toddler to the dmv and road trip? And why does her time to herself have to be that day specifically? Couldn't she get another day to herself? Yes, your son's birthday is the priority. Agree. I'm a mom btw if that matters.
The thing about the car- I can understand about the other kids BUT she shouldn't have handled it the way she did. I honestly would've just been grateful. Seems like she likes to look for or create issues.
Ok, the dad called her woman, geez, everyone saying he's sexist now...well she was an AH....so. It was a generous gift, and she was disrespectful.
Adventurensfw - :- Info: How often does your wife get a break? How does your dad speak to your wife? Does he use woman often to refer to her when speaking about her or to her?
Is your dad one to treat women as hysterical nit picking hens when they rightfully bring up serious things? Because she is correct about one thing. He SHOULD HAVE told y'all about this big gift.
And y'all should have been able to discuss and idea of what to do for the other kids at that time when they reached the same milestones because now a precedent has been set.
sinloxie - :- NTA- I’m sorry but what the heck is your wife’s problem? The way she has acted is selfish.
Expecting your sons bday to become about her, thinking it’s even remotely appropriate for a brand new driver to drive a toddler around, and then flipping out because in 10+ yrs your other child *might not also get a car?
AND if she doesn’t then your son has to give his back? This is outrageous behavior. I’m sorry but I have to assume there is either massive favoritism going on here or your son is not hers as well. The way she spoke to your father is also disgusting.
I am so sorry you are going through this but you need to speak to your son alone and ask him how she treats him when you aren’t around. Her behavior is very worrying.
FormulaZR - :- If this story is true, your wife sounds exhausting. No one is going to stop talking to their dad because he referred to someone as "woman" (especially after being badgered with relentless calls and texts). NTA.
dehydratedrain - :- ESH- Not sure why your wife needed that day to herself. But I would be furious if someone gave my kid a car without clearing it with both parents first. If she refuses to give your son that kind of freedom/ responsibility, she is the bad guy. Your father should know better, and should never shut her down like that.
blankcanvas445 - :- NTA, but something is off with your wife, I would check in - it seems like there must be a lot more going on in the background for her.
Also as someone who makes a big fuss on my kid’s birthday, I can’t understand her request to move his birthday plans.
The original poster (OP) prioritized their oldest son's birthday celebration and subsequent driving test preparation over their wife's request for a day alone, leading to significant conflict and resulting in the wife feeling unsupported and disrespected, especially regarding the unexpected gift from the OP's father.
Did the OP appropriately manage the competing demands of their son's milestone, their wife's need for personal time, and the subsequent intervention by the father, or should the OP have prioritized their spouse's need for support and autonomy over the specific timing of the birthday plans?