AITA for getting mad at my sister for telling my gf about our family's wealth?
In a family where quiet wealth is a carefully guarded secret, the older sibling has long understood the unspoken values of modesty and experience over extravagance.
But beneath the surface of this calm, a storm brews—one born from youthful entitlement and the sudden revelation of inherited riches.
The younger sister, newly aware of her financial standing, steps into a world of opulence with reckless abandon, challenging the family's unassuming facade.
As the sister flaunts her access to vast resources, driving a wedge between the siblings and sparking tension with their parents, the once steady balance begins to falter.
The older sibling watches in disbelief as luxury and privilege collide, revealing not just a clash of wealth, but a deeper struggle for identity, approval, and the true meaning of family legacy.
My family is low key wealthy, but my parents have made sure that we are never flashy about it. We live in the same place we've lived for about 15 years, don't have flashy clothes and cars, and generally make sure we're spending money on experiences rather than objects.
My younger sister, who is totally spoilt and for some reason feels extremely entitled to "her share" of the wealth, just turned 21. I think part of it is her finally getting information about her trust and in general how we stand.
I'm 25, and the older one, so I sorta know about all this for a while now. Anyway, long story short, my sister ended up going car shopping with my gf for expensive new cars (Porsches!).
My dad had not approved anything so I don't know what she's going to do but apparently she flashed my dad's credit card and talked up the salesmen about how much money she has to spend.
My gf was shocked that me driving a simple unassuming 10 year old Lexus will have a sister throwing 100k at a car!
We had a huge discussion and ended up fighting about it - she was shocked at roughly how much money we had and told me I was a tad selfish for not mentioning it when she had college and medical debt.
Honestly, we've only been dating for 2 years and I was thinking after about a year I would propose if things are going well and start this discussion. It's all happened a little too soon. I'm really mad at my sister and kinda laid it out on her.
Told her how immature and selfish she was and how she is undoing everything our parents worked hard for to install values in us. She told me I had to grow up and I'm a wet blanket. AITA here?
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THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.:
The crowd poured into the comments, bringing a blend of heated opinions, solid advice, and a few reality checks along the way.
NUT-me-SHELL - :- NTA. The biggest asshole here is your girlfriend for assuming that because you come from a wealthy family, you’re obligated to pay off her debt. Is this really the kind of person you want to have a relationship with?
DanDan_notaman - :- Your parents money has nothing, and will never have anything to do with her college and medical debt. That was a strange thing for her to say. I don’t get why people would be mad at not being told about wealth. Are they equally as mad about not being told of a family debt?
abrokeinheart - :- Sorry she wants YOU to pay off her debt? Just because your family is wealthy? The audacity and entitlement she has,, NTA op. Yours and your family finances are really none of her business unless y’all get married.
[deleted] - :- NO. NO. ITS A PROBLEM. it's a problem that your gf of NOT LONG ENOUGH heard that you had money and her first thought was how selfish you are because you aren't taking care of her debt and bills? THAT.
IS EXACTLY why you don't tell people you have money. Your sister is going to get really screwed by the wrong person one day and she's going to learn to stop bragging to everyone about the money she has. NTA.
You aren't married and pooling assets together, she had no reason to know. That's your business that you CHOOSE to share with people for obvious reasons.
jammy913 - :- ESH. Your sister is a spoiled brat wow. Your gf thinks she's entitled to have you pay off her debt? WTF?! You're not married to her, why's that in ANY WAY your responsibility?!
And you for not getting more angry at your gf's entitlement while seeing it in your sister. Open your eyes FFS!
Solid_Quote9133 - :- You have been dating for TWO years and you didn't tell her. WTF Why after a year she clearly isn't a gold digger. I just don't get why you kept it a secret.
This opens so many more questions have you guys been going 50/50 even if you have a lot more money. And so on. Or do you not even touch the family wealth. So many questions. NTA, your sister is a real jerk.
sammotico - :- ESH — your sister: obvious AH there, doesn't bear repeating. but you? yeah, you suck too. you've been dating for two years now — and you've been lying to her all that time.
(yes, a lie of omission still counts.) i can understand not flashing the family ledgers in the first couple of dates but you would think that after six months, after a year???
you would feel confident enough in her character to let her know this HUGE detail about you and your family.
by you not telling her this, what you are showing her is that (a) you don't trust her, (b) you believe she'll be selfish, (c) you are perfectly capable of hiding huge important details from her if you feel it's in your better interest to do so.
if i were your girlfriend i would be having some REAL reconsideration of how much i could trust you now, or ever again. your gf... i don't know enough to call her an AH here. was it great that she went to how the money could've helped her?
not really, but considering you said that she's got $20k in medical debt alone?? that's huge for the normal person, that's a constant weight and stressor that never leaves her alone even in the happiest moments with you.
constantly wondering what'll happen if she gets ill/injured again and how she'll be able to cover that considering she can't already. this isn't even touching the student debt! which is also huge!
also — if this relationship was serious enough for you to be considering marriage, then she was as well which means she must've been worrying about how HER debt is going to affect BOTH of you and not wanting to bog YOU down with it.
debt is a huge mark in the "no" column for a lot of people considering long-term commitment/marriage down the line, and now she's found out that to you $20k isn't even "that much". i'm not saying she's entitled to you as her personal ATM but...
I N F O: how much has your GF been struggling to pay off that debt? what sacrifices has she had to make in trying to pay that debt down? how long have you been watching her struggle with this debt and not saying anything? because...
if you've just been sipping lemonade on the sidelines watching her struggle to pull herself up out of this, that's another statement on your character. not hers.
The original poster (OP) is facing conflict due to their sister's perceived entitlement regarding family wealth, which led to an inappropriate attempt to purchase an expensive car.
The central tension lies between the OP's belief in maintaining low-key wealth and parental values of experience over objects, versus the sister's immediate demand for tangible wealth distribution, exacerbated by a recent argument about disclosure and perceived selfishness.
Is the OP justified in confronting their sister so harshly about her entitlement and disregard for family values, or should the OP have been more forthcoming about the family's financial standing earlier, especially considering their girlfriend's shock and the sister's existing debts?