The feeling of being an outsider extended to his parents, who the poster claims treated him like a burden, often dismissing his needs for attention or comfort when he was younger. This pattern continued into his teenage years where he became the default, unpaid babysitter for his siblings’ children, leading him to question his place and finally decide to set firm boundaries.
I (16M) have four older siblings who are 11+ years older than me. My parents were finished at four kids, my dad got a vasectomy and then six years after it my mom found out she was expecting me.
She was 13 weeks when they found out and I was always told if she’d been earlier she would have aborted me. My siblings hated that our parents had another kid. They’re all close enough but with me I feel like a stranger and it’s not just the age gap.
They used to call me “mom and dad’s mistake” and “mom and dad’s oops” and stuff like that. They’d come home for Christmas and ignore me or make comments about me. They’d buy gifts for each other and nothing for me.
My parents also treated me like a burden. When I was younger they’d call me whiny and ask why I couldn’t read my own bedtime stories or why I wanted to sit with them. If I asked for a hug they’d make it such a big deal and say they just wanted me to go away and be quiet in my room.
When I had a bad day they were “too busy” to hear me out. Most times they would eat without me too. And sometimes I’d come home and some or all of my siblings would be visiting and they’d have family dinners without me.
Oh, the family dinners they had in restaurants and stuff never included me either.
And once my siblings started having kids I was the default babysitter. If we all vacationed together I was only brought along to watch kids. Sometimes I was left in the hotel or place we were staying alone and they’d have family time.
My siblings would just drop off their kids other times at home and tell me to babysit and my parents would give them the okay. I was never asked.
I know people will ask if I’m not the bio kid of one of my parents but I’m both their bio kid. 100% confirmed. It’s just I came along when they were done and they resent me for it and my siblings never wanted me.
I tried speaking to my parents and my siblings about how I felt but I’m brushed aside. I never tried writing a letter but it won’t make a difference and I’m not pouring my heart out like that to have them not read the letter or to toss it in the trash or something.
I got so tired of it recently. I’ve been spending more time at my girlfriends house and I hang out with her family more. I started to stay there whenever I feel like they might need me for babysitting and I have refused when told I needed to.
On Saturday they wanted to have a family night out and brought the kids over but I wasn’t home. Mom called and told me I needed to come home and babysit. I told her to let everyone know that they can’t use me as free childcare and treat me like shit for being an unwanted pregnancy anymore.
I said I didn’t have any say in it and I’m not letting them do this to me anymore.
Their reaction wasn’t pretty but I have stood my ground which pisses them all off.
AITA?
Conclusion
The poster is currently facing significant backlash from his entire family after refusing to act as free childcare and confronting them about years of feeling unwanted and mistreated. He is emotionally exhausted by being used and ignored, leading him to stand his ground against their expectations of his availability.
The central conflict is whether the poster was justified in speaking up and enforcing boundaries against a long history of neglect and exploitation, or if his reaction was too harsh given the established family structure. Readers must weigh the right to self-respect against the potential fallout of confronting deeply ingrained family roles.
Here’s how people reacted:
Be oblivious. Find a way to wiggle out of vacations. Getting time to yourself is its own vacation.
Get a part-time job if you can, open up a bank account at a bank they don’t use, and have the statements emailed to you (no physical mail) but especially since you’re young, do your actual transactions in person. There’s a lot of bank phishing these days. I have never regretted being weird and doing my transactions at the actual bank, for multiple reasons.
Save that money and keep standing your ground.
Save every cent from getting a part-time job because you’re going to need it, your gf’s family sound gorgeous & I would not be surprised that they would “adopt” you in a heartbeat as eventual son-in-law because you have a healthy relationship with your gf.
Get your documents together & keep it in a safe place at your gf’s home, that way the toxic bio side that you have wouldn’t be able to stop you from leaving that house.
When you reach 18, go full on scorched earth towards that toxic garbage that called itself ‘family’. Your bio side doesn’t deserve to have you.
Keep making yourself unavailable for unasked for babysitting…….it isn’t your job nor obligated to look after your “siblings” brats.
I’m not saying to do this, ijs I’m an asshole.
NTA
I would be making plans now to figure out the rest of your life without them. For example if you plan to go to collage, start earning and saving for that.
Talk to people you trust
If possible get your social security card (if in USA) and birth certificate and put them somewhere safe.
Be prepared to be inked out at 18 and plan accordingly
If you age forced to babysit, tell them it’s $10 an hour per child.
They’ve behaved appallingly, and as the herd mentality was in force, they don’t see that they’re wrong. They 100% are wrong, and you standing your ground is a good thing.
Don’t push so far as to lose a warm place to sleep and access to food. Once you’re 18, your world opens up. Use the next few years to plan what’s next (be that uni, a trade etc.)
They’re all bullies, and bullies often claim to be victims when they’re called out. They should feel guilty for shunning a child.
Don’t let their opinions shape your self-identity. You’re emerging as a strong individual.
You’ve got this though little bro. Not all family is real family, but these kids could very well be the best family you could ever have in a few years.
Stick with it.
NTA
If they rock up to drop the kids off.. walk out.
Print up a fee schedule and include “payment required in advance of services”. Let’s see how that goes.
Also this is significant emotional abuse if you didn’t already know.