What a nightmare. Tell your brother this is so messed up. Years ago this kid had a big crush on me. He called me all the time and he wouldn’t leave me alone. He was two years younger and I kind of laughed the whole thing off, but he persisted to the point that I had to tell him in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t interested. He got really pissed at me. At the time I figured hey- he’s young and has this huge crush and doesn’t know how to take no for an answer. Life went on. One night I spotted him waiting tables in my favorite restaurant. He was now 6 ft. 4″ and gorgeous. I laughed to my friend that he got the last laugh. That I shot him down in high school and now he’s hot. He waited on us at some point on another occasion and he was polite and nice. He didn’t seem weird around me and I figured- hey, that was high school and who cares anymore right? So another year goes by and I find out he is dating my younger sister. Ok- that’s cool. We were all out one night and I mentioned about how he had that crush on me and he looked at me coldly and said “I don’t know what you are talking about”. I figured he was embarrassed I brought it up in front of my sister- but the way he looked at me was kind of scary. Fast forward another year. My sister tried to break up with him and he stalked her. It got so bad that one night he climbed on her roof and was looking in her window. She actually had to move to get away from him. Moral to this story- is some people don’t change. I’d be weary of this woman inserting herself in your life.

She has never apologized or taken any accountability. Instead, they hid from you until it was too late because they *knew* their relationship was problematic. 

An apology without changed behavior is meaningless, and you didn’t even get an apology.

You don’t go. You don’t support it. Your brother can spout nonsense all day long about how she has changed… but if her bad behavior towards you is taking up so little space in her brain, she isn’t sorry for how she treated you… she is just sorry there are people out there who know how much of a monster she is. Pretending she can’t remember is her excuse so she doesn’t have to do any of the hard work of making amends.

Your brother is unreliable in noticing if she has changed because some girl is touching his privates and he is thinking with his downstairs brain. It is astonishing the number of peoplrn especiaoly men, who are completely clueless and blind to how catty their partners are and tend to brush it aside because they don’t want to deal with drama. Many ignore the issue because it is easier to appease and they know if they intervene, no more fun for them. 

Your brother wants you to go because he will look bad if you don’t. Don’t let him spin it. You tell people straight up he is engaged to your long time unapologetic bully. You tell everyone exactly what she did and how she has zero accountability. Let your brother look like the monster he is for even going out with the person that tormented his sibling in the first place. 

You should be real with him. “ Brother, I am really happy for you that you found love and your person. I am sure there are a lot of great qualities I can learn about her once I get to know her. I know people change and kids do things for odd reasons… but to be honest I am struggling with this. I want to be happy for you and I want to be close to your future wife. But I think maybe would be good if we had a conversation. Your fiance really bullied me hard as a child. It deeply impacted my mental health and self esteem. She really was bad at about it. I am really fucked up about this and it makes me really sad. If she is open to it I’d like to maybe talk to her and see what she has to say.”

that’s if you wanna give her a chance. I would. If she doesn’t react well or if you don’t want to pursue anything further that’s your right

Plot twist – I absolutely LOATHE my brother, and when he got married my mom forced me to go. On the other side of the country.

The strategy is to be in as many photos as possible, introduce yourself to everyone you can, cut it up on the dance floor, make a speech. Literally infect every single memory with your essence.

So that when it’s over, you can look them both in the face and tell them to rot in hell and you fucking hate them. That way they will never be able to look at a picture of their wedding without being reminded. Any time people talk about your wedding you’re going to be the person they talk about. their day becomes your day.

I did this to my brother and it was very effective.

Oh, she remembers you just fine, and she remembers making you miserable for years. “Barely remembering you” means she can gloss over all her shitty behavior and not have to apologize to you for it. She hasn’t changed a bit, and your brother is buying her BS because he wants to continue to sleep with her. Tell him you’d rather stick a fork in your eye than watch him marry that beotch.

She was a kid, you are now an adult so be an adult.  Your self esteem is still wrecked if you can’t get past a kid.  She should be the one to feel bad, not you.

Be there for your brother.  Tell her that you are glad she grew up to be a good person.  To be the better person, some time you have to act like the better person until you are used to it.  Don’t miss this great opportunity!

Oh heck no. If she grew as x person. Why hasn’t she apologized? I mean I would. like how hard is to say I’m sorry for what I said/did in high school. I know it affected you very badly. I can’t make it right. I am in love with your brother and want to have his babies. I don’t want my past yo effect their relationship with the family. Again I’m truly sorry. How hard was it?

NTA! Bullsh*t she doesn’t remember you. She’s a coward for not admitting she was a b*tch who made your life miserable. It would show she changed if she reached out and apologized to you.

I wouldn’t go. And why didn’t you get to meet this girl before they were engaged? If you’re not good enough to introduce a new GF to, why does he care if you’re at his wedding?

Oh, maybe she really changed? Considering that she went out of her way to apologize to you, admitted how wrong of her it was, and promised to keep her distance until you are ready… Wait, she did no such thing! She just played ” I don’t remember” bullshit card and your bro believed her.

This is how you know that she actually the very same shitty person. NTA

You are right to have those feelings of resentment, and the choice to exclude yourself from what is supposed to be your brother’s happy day.

Know at some stage going forward your paths will cross , and I hope she will take it apon herself to give a meaningful and heartfelt apology.

But don’t order that pizza just yet …

Ah, yes, nothing in the universe more cruel than a teenage girl. Still, she is going to be family and you’ll need to negotiate some truce.

IMO, you should attend the wedding. Consider it extending an olive branch and see how she responds.

NTA—it might be a different story is she was apologizing and acknowledging the past harm. It sounds like “she changed” but never made any amends for the wake of hurt in her past. I hate the brush it under the rug/they’re different now shit.

This isn’t over teenage drama, this is someone that cause mental and emotional damage to you. The fact that he claim she barely remembers you to me makes it worse because she didn’t even care what she did to you.

NTA, stand your ground.

Go to the wedding, you don’t have to be friendly, just polite. You do not even have to stay for the entire reception if you feel uncomfortable. If you don’t go you are still being bullied! Hopefully you have both matured!

NTA – so if someone barely remembers you, is that like an instant apology? And you know what, I would prefer a bully to remember because it at least means they can recognize the damage done and possibly grow from it.

Congratulations, you let her bully you in HS, you’re letting her bully you away from your brother’s wedding, & you’ll let her bully you away from every family event for the rest of your life.

When you see her, ask if she’s still a bully. Don’t let her off the hook. Confront her. Let her know she’s the baddie and that you remember so she better not pretend like it didn’t happen.

your brother clearly doesn’t give a shit about you. as if that’s the only woman on earth my god. don’t go to the wedding and cut contact with both

How has her name not come up before? You had no clue he was dating your bully prior to his posting engagement photos? That seems odd to me.

INFO: how are they engaged and you’ve never once seen her photo, talked to her, or called her???

I mean NTA but this is weird all around

I think you do.go.and you confront that AH and you make sure everyone there knows what that AH did.

You, however are NTA.

NTA – I personally woud go and make a speech. My brother married my bully, I hope they get the life they deserve, in hell.

You didn’t recognize the same of the girl who bullied you all throughout high school? I find that hard to believe.

Dating long enough to get engaged and you didn’t know who she was?

I’m not buying it.

How old are you?

NTA.
Go no contact. If he can find love in someone that eas willing to hurt you then it’s a wrap.

Who doesn’t know or recognize the name of someone who bullied them ALL through high school?

NTA. Tell him you’re not going and that you will have no contact with her either.

People change… you don’t have to go, but you should be open to forgiveness.

NTA, don’t go and don’t be in the same space with her. You owe him nothing.

I’ve read this story about 5 times. Come up with something original please

What if she made a public apology to you in front of the whole family?

Go and then object to the marriage. Bring a miniature bull horn!

NTA. My take: Her saying that she barely remembers you is BS.

I’ve seen this post before, very nearly word for word.

This is almost like the plot to You Again….

lol this is the plot of the movie You Again.

I’ve seen this story several times.

Oh this is very sad. Im sorry!