Caught between disbelief and betrayal, the narrator grappled with the shock of Anna’s unilateral decision, a gesture wrapped in misguided concern. The lines between care and intrusion blurred, leaving him to question the boundaries of friendship and the true nature of the help he never asked for. This moment, charged with raw emotion, marked a turning point in their intertwined lives.
I (M25) live with my close friend, Josh (also M25) and his girlfriend, Anna (F22). It used to be only Josh and I until the lockdown started back in March and Anna permanently moved in.
I get along okay with Anna but we’re not super close. I guess that establishes the group dynamics.
Yesterday, I couldn’t find my credit card. Josh and I searched the entire apartment for two fucking hours but we couldn’t find it. Then walks in Anna, after her evening walk, and goes ‘what are y’all upto’ to which I ask her if she’s seen my credit card.
She straight up says that yep, she has it. I was like what the fuck are YOU doing with my credit card?
To which she said that I shouldn’t worry as she didn’t intend to use my card, she only took it to help with my addiction. What addiction? She thinks I’m a ‘shopaholic’ and that I buy way too much useless shit.
She saw some movie the night before where the protagonist had this condition and shopped herself into a crazy debt. That movie reminded her of me. She said, I quote ,’You’re not there yet but you will be if someone doesn’t intervene.’
I was pissed off at this point because ;
A. I do not have a shopping problem. And even if I did, I am using MY money that I work hard for to buy things I like. She’s absolutely no one to try to poke her nose into my business and ;
B. her having my card meant that she came inside my room, snooped through my stuff until she found the card, which is a gross violation of my privacy.
So I asked, rather loudly, to stay the fuck away from my things and that I would fucking call the cops on her if she ever tried pulling a stunt like this again. Josh was not aware of her stealing and he’s siding with me.
But Anna’s trying to convince him that her intentions were pure and that I’m grossly overreacting and being a dick to her.
Conclusion
The original poster is dealing with a severe breach of trust and privacy after his roommate’s girlfriend took his credit card based on her personal assessment of his spending habits. The central conflict lies between the OP’s right to privacy and control over his finances, and Anna’s belief that her unauthorized intervention was a necessary, protective measure stemming from her perceived good intentions.
Given the violation of privacy and the unsupported accusation of a shopping addiction, was Anna’s action justified by her intent to ‘help,’ or was it an inexcusable invasion of privacy and overreach into the OP’s personal life and finances?
Here’s how people reacted:
Even if she were a certified therapist or medical professional, it is grossly unethical, and illegal even, for her to attempt to “diagnose” and “treat” you without your consent.
Also, straight up violating your privacy and stealing your stuff is also illegal.
Her “intentions” in this case doesn’t matter. There are so many boundaries that she crossed in her little stunt here that you need to get all three of you together and lay down the law. Don’t go in screaming and yelling. Get calm and then forcefully but calmly tell her that this is unacceptable and that if this ever happened again, you’ll be taking legal action. Impress upon her that “overreacting” or not, you have the law on your side and you won’t hesitate to use it. At this point, it doesn’t matter what her feelings are, she needs to know she can’t do stuff like that ever.
This incident is proof enough that Anna has overstayed her welcome. It wouldn’t surprise me that is probably not the first time Anna has snooped in your things. She sounds like the kind of person who uses the phrase, “Well, you’re under my roof” to hold over your head.
Take an inventory of all of your things in a running spreadsheet, then check it against what you physically have to see if you’re missing anything. Install a key lock on your door, too!
Stick to your guns. Make sure she and Josh are fully aware if she ever does anything like that you’ll call the police.
And if I were you I’d get a lock for my bedroom door, who knows what she’s up to when you’re not home.
That’s *theft*.
She’s not your parent (in fact she’s younger than you) and not anyone to dole out “interventions” on others’ behalf.
If I were you I’d put a lock on your door, and tell her to keep her condescending assumptions and “help” to herself.
And this came from watching a movie? Lol. Wtf
NTA. You should see if you can get rid of her