AITA for putting up a camera during my neighbor’s pool build and then overhearing him say he hates us?

In the quiet stillness of a suburban summer, a simple act of neighborly kindness blossomed into a delicate dance of trust and boundaries. When the new neighbors planned their pool installation, what began as a gesture to clarify a shaky liability waiver soon revealed the fragile threads that weave community together—respect, communication, and unspoken concerns lurking beneath everyday courtesies.

But beneath the surface of polite exchanges and shared spaces, unease quietly took root. The presence of new machinery near a costly AC unit, the careful watchfulness captured by an old camera, and the subtle negotiations over parking hinted at the deeper tensions that simmer when personal investments meet the unpredictable rhythms of suburban life.

AITA for putting up a camera during my neighbor’s pool build and then overhearing him say he hates us?

I live in the US suburbs and it’s summer. I replaced my AC system in March, which was a significant investment for us. Our new (6 months) neighbors in May they informed us they were putting in a pool.

This was our first encounter with them. The pool company asked to use the path between our houses and gave us a poorly written liability waiver with inconsistent references. I saw that as opportunity to be a good neighbor and reworded it to be more clear and sent it back, which they appreciated.

A few days later, the neighbor wife asked to meet in person to discuss the timeline and concerns. My wife mentioned our new AC unit and asked that machinery avoid the condenser. We also requested their work vehicles not park in front of our house, since we have regular services that need access.

I have an old Google camera that I to use for a video feed of the AC unit in case anything happened. I put in a window in a conspicuous location so everyone knew it was there. Over the summer, nothing happened and we had no contact.

Last week my wife asked about repairs to our grass and sprinklers. The neighbor’s wife said the project was delayed but should finish in a few weeks, all were polite messages.

This brings us to our most recent encounter a day ago. Around 5pm a work vehicle with a trailer arrives and parks directly in front of our driveway. The workers open the trailer and start doing their work.

The truck is labeled for a specific service and another crew had been onsite recently to perform the same service. I was mildly curious as I didn’t think it was the same company. As my wife and I head out to take our evening walk with our dog, my wife asks how long they will be there and they respond they are about to leave.

The interaction was no more than 5 seconds. As we arrive home, they are leaving and neighbor is heading inside his house.

We have a driveway camera. I was curious if I could listen to their conversation and hear why another company was here. Yes, it’s me being nosy. What I hear is not that, it’s my neighbor complaining about us to these workers.

He talks bad about us – mentions the camera. I can tell that they discussed the parking situation. He says he does not like us repeatedly. I can clearly hear him say – “Man, I do not like these new neighbors – both of em!” We debated this a bit.

I don’t know what he means by that – we came to a conclusion that he means us and his other neighbors.

I’m taken aback. We’ve barely spoken. My wife has had maybe 5 back and forth texts and one in person conversation. We’ve never spoken to him personally. My daughter says she has talked to him once – a passing hello.

I’m honestly not sure what I should do here. As I see it, we’ve done nothing to him – there’s never been a personal interaction. So I’m here to ask a bunch of internet folks – AITA?

What should I do here? My wife is considering confronting the neighbor wife.

Here’s how people reacted:

Lucky_Volume3819

YTA. Get a life. If you want to be a nosy busybody, don’t start crying because you don’t like what you hear.

I don’t think you’re getting that the whole camera thing is a bad faith move. Like imagine admitting there’s never been a “personal interaction” and expecting people to not think you’re weird/creepy/an asshole for putting a camera up. And it’s not just the one camera – now you’re using your whole setup to eavesdrop on people.

>My wife is considering confronting the neighbor wife.

Over what? I get that your whole deal as a couple is to appear hostile (and “confrontations” are characterized by hostility) but how do you think that’s going to go? “We were eavesdropping and now we’re mad because you don’t like us even though we’ve done nothing that would make you like us and have actually taken steps that would rightly make you feel weird about us.”

Wonder what the consent laws are like in your state?

A “confrontation” will not fix this. You’re in the wrong here.

Maleficent-Habit-8

Technical YTA but not intended. You did eavesdrop on someone, and my general rule is that if your are looking for something, don’t be surprised if you find it. In general, what other people think of you is not your business and it was not said to you or someone you know, so you should just let it go. It also seems that your new neighbors have likely had a somewhat stressful moving experience and may be looking for people to blame. It’s always easier to blame the neighbors or workers rather than your spouse. In general just stay out of their way, stay on your side of the fence, and stay focused on your nice and cool home. If you wanted to broach the subject I would leave them a note that just reminds them where the cameras are and that they do have microphones on them, maybe attached to cookies for extra passive aggression.

SubstantialQuit2653

NTA for putting up cameras. As long as those cameras aren’t aimed at there house in potentially intimate areas I don’t see what the problem is. As for his comments that he doesn’t like you, who cares? Why confront him? What will you gain from that? You telling him that you’re spying on a conversation that he didn’t realize was recorded is not going to make him like you more, right? So why bother? You asked for reasonable boundaries while work is being done on their home. Don’t block the driveway and don’t impact the condenser for your very expensive AC. Your neighbor sounds like he doesn’t like the fact that you mind your home and your space and he can’t just do whatever he wants. Too bad. And you are a bit nosy (your words) so maybe he has something to dislike.

darwinn_69

“Hey, I was spying on your private conversation through our video cameras and wanted to confront you on something that is NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS”. How does your wife expect this conversation to go? What do you expect to gain from this?

You have a conspicuous video camera on the side of your house that is capturing private conversations between your neighbors. That is *extraordinarily* invasive and I could absolutely see why they would have problems with that.

You don’t get to dictate where people park on a public street. That is an inappropriate request.

I’m not sure why you think you have to be involved in their project as far as timelines and concerns, but beyond pulling permits and following city ordinance it’s none of your business.

YTA

Galaxy6611

Based on you’re information I wouldn’t say YTA, but I also wouldn’t say that you’ve been the nicest either. He’s obviously stressed about this project being done on their house, and it doesn’t sound like you’re the friendliest neighbor. Try to imagine it from his perspective. Someone who has a bunch of rules and putting up cameras, ect. Who is also standoffish vs. someone who is laid back, kind and makes an effort, shows interest and concern. You have every right to have those boundaries, but if you want a relationship, then that’s a different story. You have to put in the effort. You can’t expect someone to like you when thats all they know of you.

DropstoneTed

NTA. You’ve been given the gift of not having to be best friends with your neighbor (though that shouldn’t stop you from continuing to maintain a civil, courteous relationship, with clearly negotiated boundaries.) If the neighbor is going to get their tit in a wringer over you being all business with stuff like letting contractors on ***your*** property for ***their*** project, that’s a good indication they’re the type that if you give them an inch of flexibility they’ll exploit it as long and hard as they can.

Home security cameras are awesome for this kind of situation. The neighbors can deal with being in the “trust but verify” zone.

sadmep

>I’m honestly not sure what I should do here.

Nothing, there’s nothing to do. Not everyone is gonna like you. They’re not coming up to your face and causing problems, they were talking to contractors and had no reason to believe you’d hear the conversation or be affected by it.

Just move on.

>My wife is considering confronting the neighbor wife.

Ok so they already don’t like you but your wife is gonna go tell them that you overheard them on your spy camera? Yeah, that’s gonna go great. /s

Merth1983

YTA. I can’t say that I would feel great having neighbors that were pointing their cameras towards my residence, whether or not they did it in an obvious way. Who puts a camera to monitor their air conditioning unit? That just sounds completely made up. You didn’t mention if they have children. That would also be a red flag in regards to those cameras. I would just accept the fact that your new neighbors don’t really like you and just avoid contact as much as possible.

Separate-Debate3839

They shouldn’t block your driveway (although it sounds like a temporary unloading), but “don’t park in front of my house” is an asshole position.

Watching your AC unit like it’s a sentient being or the Crown Jewels is weird.

I’m nosy too, but you crossed the line.

I don’t think you and your wife are as polite as you think you are (or helpful with rewriting the waiver)

YTA

Ok_Cauliflower7364

NAH. You’re fine to be concerned about damage to your property but over hearing someone you barely know say they don’t like you is am exactly the kind of thing you’ll hear when you use stuff to spy on them.

Maybe over time their opinion will change but they’re not an asshole for not liking you and you’re not an asshole for being concerned about your stuff.

Expensive_Excuse_597

NTA. A majority of homeowners have some sort of surveillance system setup on their property. I would not confront your neighbors; you hear what you hear.

The issue is with the trucks parked in front of your driveway. How are you suppose to leave? Speak directly with the pool company and get that handled.

hadMcDofordinner

NTA if you just move on and let your neighbors live their lives. LOL Some people decide to dislike other people for no reason. Not your problem. You should not have listened to that conversation anyway, you were nosy and now you know the guy “hates” you. Remain polite.

Just_River_7502

It’s weird that you’re checking your camera feeds to find out information about what the neighbours are working on. If this is how you behave, or how they perceive you behave (eg with the camera in the driveway) then maybe that’s why they don’t like you 🫠

Moonlitskies97

I don’t think I’d confront them… but now you know. They’re allowed to have their opinion. Just don’t go out of your way to befriend or help them in the future. Let them finish this project and then no more flexibility from you.

Uubilicious_The_Wise

Why are you doing anything? They don’t like you….so? Who cares. They barely know you. why should they like you? Just you being nosy is enough to dislike you really.

Gonna say NAH though. Get on with life

pottersquash

YTA. You should try to be a less nosey, less annoying person. Comon, you think your the good person when your stated intention was to evasedrop on a private convo?

Hilarious_Genius

Remember this: what other people think of you is none of your business. And also this: don’t worry if people don’t like you most people don’t even like themselves.

ImpossibleReason2204

Don’t do anything. I don’t even know what you mean by “do”. Ignore them.

NTA, unless you decide to confront them because they don’t like you lol.

dainty_bush

Don’t complain about what people say in private about you. You weren’t meant to hear it.

And no do not confront anyone Just let it go.

Bestdayever17

You could have brought them cookies, but instead, you pointed a camera at their house. Sounds like an AH move. Not welcome to the hood.

Training-Stress1018

NTA

Dude’s being fake AF. You tried to be helpful and he’s talking trash behind your back while being polite to your face.

firedncr24

NTA. I like stirring the pot, so I would text them the video and ask if they have anything to say to us.

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant emotional distress and confusion after overhearing their neighbor express strong personal dislike toward them and their wife. The central conflict arises because the OP believes they have acted reasonably and politely—even offering neighborly assistance with a liability waiver—while the neighbor harbors unwarranted, negative feelings, leading the OP to question how to address this one-sided hostility.

Should the OP and their wife confront the neighbor about the overheard comments to seek clarity and potentially an apology, or should they ignore the neighbor’s private, negative remarks and maintain strictly polite, distant interactions moving forward? The core issue is whether to address passive aggression directly or prioritize maintaining superficial peace.