Nights, which should offer solace and rest, have become the hardest hours to endure. The boy’s sleepwalking and restless awakenings shatter the quiet, forcing the teen to confront exhaustion and emotional turmoil. Attempts to reclaim peace are met with anger and blame, leaving the teen trapped in a cycle of discomfort and obligation, yearning for a reprieve that seems just out of reach.
My dad moved his girlfriend and her son (5) in with us in October. I (15) guess my dad’s girlfriend had hyped her son up to have a brother and he’s been clingy with me since they moved in.
When I’m home he’s following me around and wanting me to play with him. He tries to get inside my room whether I’m there or not. Sometimes I’ll get home from a friends house and he’s bouncing on my bed and then he’ll try to jump on me.
He’ll ask for me piggyback rides whether we’re home or if we’re out on ‘family trips’ with my dad and his mom. His mom complains when I say no and then dad will tell me I could carry him around for a little while and why can’t I give the kid what he wants.
The kid sleepwalks some nights and other nights he wakes up and he just can’t fall back asleep. Before when he’d wake up he’d come into my room and I’d send him away. It made his mom angry because he’d go back to his room for ages and then go to her and by then it would be almost time to get up.
She told me I’m supposed to do better for my little brother and I asked him I’m an only child. She said I knew who she was talking about and whether I’m happy about it or not, and clearly I’m not, I’m no longer an only child.
I told her just because she thinks that doesn’t mean I do. She told me he’s my brother and I told her if her and dad breakup I’ll never have to see her kid again. My dad and her broke up for like a week after I said that but they stayed while she looked for a place and then she took dad back and she didn’t move out with her son.
The night stuff got so annoying that I started locking my door. It even saved me from him sleepwalking into my room. He didn’t tell his mom at first but the other night he was crying so hard and she asked why he was upset and he said I locked my door and he didn’t think I liked him and he wanted me to go back to being his brother.
I heard him talk to her but I pretended I was still asleep. When I got up a few hours later dad and his girlfriend were waiting and they flipped out on me for locking my door at night.
I said I didn’t want to be woken up and his girlfriend was yelling at me and saying I broke her son’s heart. I told her I didn’t care and I didn’t want to deal with her kid in the middle of the night.
She said I broke her and dad up once over this and I won’t do it again. Dad told me not to lock my door but I did the next night anyway.
She wants dad to take the handle off my door so I can’t lock it anymore but it’s too much effort for him. She told me I was being a brat and said how fucking cruel could I’m being. They’re talking about breaking up and she’s putting it on me for locking the door and refusing to be a brother to her son.
She said keeping him out like this is happening way too much and it’s mean to a little kid.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP), a teenager, is facing a significant conflict between their established personal boundaries and the new domestic reality imposed by their father’s relationship. The OP’s actions, such as refusing physical affection and locking their door, stem from a feeling of being overwhelmed by the clinginess and boundary violations of their stepbrother, leading to intense stress and negative reactions from the father and his girlfriend.
Given the escalation, where the OP’s right to privacy is being challenged by the removal of their door lock and threats of further relationship dissolution, the core question remains: Is it an acceptable exercise of personal autonomy for a teenager to rigidly enforce boundaries against an unwanted caretaker role, or does the newly formed family dynamic necessitate prioritizing the emotional needs of the younger child, even at the expense of the OP’s comfort?
Here’s how people reacted:
ONE: You can be a “friend” to her son. Play with him sometimes, talk with him, but not be his caretaker– that’s mom’s job. To get this outcome they need to step up and take care of the kid and back off making you responsible for him. The lock will stay on the door–not negotiable.
TWO: You will HATE her son and not make any effort to hide that fact from the child. You won’t play with him, won’t engage with him in anyway, will make no effort to be kind or friendly to him, that when he wakes you in the night you’ll IMMEDIATELY walk him to their bed and wake both of them to take care of the child, AND you’ll be talking to the guidance counsellor at your school about being forced to babysit overnight and how that’s affecting your grades and how your parents are threatening to take the lock off of your door so you have no privacy or quiet place to do your homework.
Tell them to pick one.
Question, does your father’s GF also has her son calling him dad? Privately speak to your father, say something on these lines. “Dad, I’m 15, I need my privacy. You know what you were like when you were 15, do you really want him walking in on me?” Also make sure you tell him how you feel about how uncomfortable you are with her. She is trying to pawn her son off on you, so she doesn’t have to occupy her own child. It’s not lost on me that single parents want companionship as well, but to immediately have a child call someone…a stranger “brother” (or even dad) means she has done this before, from all optics your father is her meal ticket. She needs housing and a family for her kid. Feels like she is using your dad and you as a babysitter.
Maybe write out a “contract” of what you’re comfortable doing with the little boy and what you don’t feel comfortable with, and sit down with your dad and his gf and go over it. But I think you should allow for some play time together. If your dad and his gf get married, he could be your step-brother for the rest of your lives.
This child, whether they like it or not, is NOT your sibling.
You deserve privacy and the age difference alone would make it that you were not super close.
Next time they talk to you about this tell them they need to drop it or you WILL tell her kid exactly how you feel about him (you won’t but it may scare them enough to get off your case).
I am assuming you have only your dad in your life. Do you have any other trusted adults.
BTW…it is NOT your responsibility to comfort or take care of HER child. She is the parent. She is only your father’s GF, not your parent.
Tell her if she and your dad break up it’s her own fault, so it’s mean for you to keep him out but not mean to be constantly woken up in the middle of the night?
Start walking into her room at night, wake her up in the middle of the night with stupid requests and see how she likes her sleep being interrupted.
keep on locking your door as long as you’re able to. if the lock gets removed and the little guy comes into your room bring him to his mother if he can’t sleep at night. even if it would be your real sibling it would totally be okay to send him to the parents; even more so as he is not your brother.
we’ll see how much she likes him coming to her every night.
NTA
You are a kid, too. It isn’t your responsibility to take care of a five year old.
Whether he’s your brother or not, he should be going to his mom or if she’s not home to your dad.
Keep locking your door at night. You deserve a full night’s sleep.
Be as patient with him as you can. He’s a little kid and it’s his mom’s fault he’s acting this way.
But you are not his parent, and it’s unreasonable for his mom or your dad to expect you to parent him.
Like every other kid with a mother does…
She’s a shitty parent, it’s not Your JOB to be a parent, it’s hers (and your Dad’s).
Look up parentification. Trying to slog off parental duties is one aspect. The odd piggy back here and there is just a young kid wanting a ride from someone older, so that doesn’t count.
If they take your doorknob go to Home Depot and get a door jamb.