Yet in the face of their criticism, she finds a spark of determination. Instead of retreating, she reaches out—inviting her mother to join her in the gym, hoping to bridge the gap between perception and reality, and to show that strength and health come in many forms beyond just the numbers on a scale.
So for some background, my (19F) parents fat shame me a lot. I’m not overweight, but my weight isn’t at the best it could be. However, I go to the gym 3x a week and try to eat healthy.
So earlier tonight I was eating a sandwich for dinner when my dad (66) went “I thought you were trying to eat healthy? You would be in better shape if you did hot yoga 3 times a week like I do.” As someone who’s struggled a lot with my weight in the past, this really hurt, especially since he said it unprompted.
I ended up going to my mom (52) about it, telling her all the progress I’ve made at the gym and how much I can lift now, etc. Before I started going, I literally NEVER worked out. Now I go 3x a week.
I said “I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been” and she straight up said “no you’re not” in a condescending tone, cuz I haven’t lost as much weight as she’d like, but I’m so much stronger and have a lot more endurance now.
I came up with an idea then – I invited my mom to the gym so she could try the workouts I do with me. I’ve worked for almost a year to get where I am now. Hot yoga, which my mom does too, is definitely an intense exercise, but I work out in a completely different way than what my parents do.
Anyway, she was down for it, but when I brought up inviting my dad too, she was super against it suddenly. When I asked why, she said he wouldn’t be able to keep up with me or lift the same that I do.
“I get that he hurt your feelings, but he used to be 2 times his current size and can’t lift as much as he thinks he can. You don’t want to emasculate him by proving his daughter is stronger than he is.”
I’m like, isn’t that kind of the point? Not to hurt him, but to prove that I’m putting in the work so he stops making comments about my body and my lifestyle choices? But she basically said there’s no way to win and I should just give up – which in my mind, means continue to let him fat shame me.
I think I would be the asshole because if “emasculating” my father gets him to stop fat shaming me, then so be it. So, WIBTA for supposedly “emasculating” my father?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing emotional distress due to persistent fat-shaming comments from her father, which her mother supports by discouraging confrontation. OP’s attempt to establish boundaries by inviting her parents to the gym—a place where she has made verifiable personal progress—was redirected by her mother, who feared the father’s ego would be damaged by realizing his daughter’s physical superiority.
The central question remains whether OP is justified in prioritizing her emotional well-being and demanding an end to the abuse, even if the method—proving physical superiority to her father—risks damaging his self-perception, or if protecting his sense of masculinity should take precedence over stopping the hurtful behavior.
Here’s how people reacted:
All I can say for sure is that there is a conflict between what your parents are describing and what you are describing. Since you’ve not specified an actual height when you easily could have it seems possible they its your parents that are right. Likewise your dads comments would make a lot of sense if your “sandwich” was a large roll packed with bacon, eggs and sausage, again you chose not to specify when you knew its a relevant detail.
Having strong muscles is great, and you should keep up those exercises, but even if you end up with arms of steel you could still have terrible health in terms of body fat or heart & lung strength. You need cardio as part of your exercise regime, we all do.
Tip though from someone who lost over 20 kgs, it is not all about weight. I am still heavier than I should be with my 95 kgs, but I lift my own body weight easily, a feat not everyone can do. I am now working on a new goal, running 5k in 30 minutes. Yes I am still a bit overweight, but I feel better, look better and I really stopped giving a fuck about people saying I am still too fat, although they do fuck all about their health and sit around all day.
Sorry for the f-bombs, but these kind of situations annoy me to no end and just isn’t right.
Again, NTA, fuck your parents.
Tell your egg donor that the only men who worry about feeling emasculated are those who already are. Every time they make a weight criticism or fat joke, don’t respoblnd to that, just say a brief sentence that shares your latest story or stats from the gym. If they push back, go into more detail and keep elaborating on the story or your latest achievement until they back off.
Edit: mistakenly wrote NAH
Muscle mass weighs more. If you can lift more than you ever have, then your muscles are denser and heavier than they were previously which is why you’re not as light as you could be while still being healthier.
Ignore your neanderthal parents. They’re just jealous.
Edit: inserted the missing T.
Edit: NTA if YWNBTA is no longer acceptable.
You got nothing to proof to these assholes. Why would you continue by trying it?