AITA for banning my kids from my in-laws house because they keep forcing their religion on them?

Born into a world bound by tradition and expectation, she dared to dream of freedom beyond the desert sands. Her escape from Saudi Arabia wasn’t just a physical journey, but a profound leap toward autonomy and hope. The taste of her first pulled pork sandwich in Canada was more than a meal—it was the bittersweet flavor of liberation, a symbol of a new life carved out by courage and resilience.

Now, as a mother and wife, she stands at the crossroads of cultures and beliefs, facing the silent battles that come with love and identity. Her husband’s estrangement from his own family, and the subtle yet painful divisions around their children, reveal the complex tapestry of acceptance and rejection they navigate every day. In this story lies the raw truth of seeking belonging in a world where freedom often comes at a personal cost.

AITA for banning my kids from my in-laws house because they keep forcing their religion on them?

I was born in Saudi Arabia. I escaped by convincing my parents I just wanted to visit family in Canada, and the moment I got the chance I sneaked out of my uncle’s house and went straight to a women’s shelter.

They helped me apply for asylum. I am now a proud citizen of the Great White North, I even got a maple leaf tattoo the day after the paperwork was complete. I’ll never forget the first time I bit into a pulled pork sandwich.

I almost cried. It was like tasting freedom.

I am now married to an incredible man with two kids (8M and 7F). He’s also an ex-Muslim, but was born and raised in Canada. His parents are first-generation Pakistani, and well, they don’t like me very much.

They blame me for my husband’s atheism, even though he’s told them several times he was an atheist before we met.

The biggest point of contention is how differently they treat our kids. One incident in particular that a caused a pretty big fight was when my kids told me their grandparents prevent my son from cleaning up after himself and make his sister do it.

My husband reamed them pretty hard about this, so I was hoping they’d start to respect our boundaries, but yesterday I found something that really bothered me.

We pay my SIL (16F) to babysit. Yesterday when I got home from work, I saw she’d forgotten to log out of her Facebook. I went to log her out, but then something caught my eye – it was a picture of my kids with their grandparents, my daughter wearing a hijab.

I investigated further, and realized my in-laws were blocking me from seeing these pictures.

It felt like steam was coming out of my ears. I understand to many Westerners it’s just a piece of cloth, but to ex-Muslim women it’s a symbol of our oppression, and I don’t want my daughter wearing it until she’s old enough to understand what it represents.

If she decides to wear it as an adult I won’t stop her, but for now, I don’t want her wearing it. My husband and I made this crystal clear when they first bought my daughter a hijab, and we told them to return it.

They tried to convince my daughter it was just for dress-up, and that just pissed me off more because they don’t even let my SIL wear makeup. They don’t care about dress-up, they care about brainwashing my kids.

My husband and I banned the kids from his parents house, and now his whole extended family is sending us nasty messages. It looks like we’re going to have to find a new babysitter, too, but that’s a price I’m willing to pay to prevent my children from being brainwashed.

Are we assholes?

Here’s how people reacted:

Dragaril

NTA Be proud of what you accomplished and never ever let anyone trample it! Your daughter can be very thankful because her parents protect her and give her self-confidence. Your son can be too because you teach him fairness and independence. He won’t need a woman to have clean clothes.

You made your boundaries very clear and if your IL can’t keep them – well, you don’t need that in your life.
They even lie to you!

In my country it would be highly illegal to post pictures of children without the consent of the parents.

king_abdula03

NTA, I’m a Muslim and when I read this it infuriates me. Real Muslims don’t force their religion on someone. Especially a young kid that doesn’t know any better. They are allowed to show what their religion is about and show them what they do in their religion with the permission of their parents. The part that got me over the top is the blocking you from seeing what their doing which indicates that you did not give permission and that is a big rule in Islam that you don’t force your religion on someone

QuickBobcat

NTA! Ex-Muslim here. My parents are religious and I WOULD LOSE MY SHIT if they did that to my child. My father is already on my case about making sure I teach my unborn son all the things he (my father) wants him to learn. I’m glad they can’t be here for his birth because I’m 100% sure they want to “azan” into his ears as is my culture’s tradition and will try to get us to circumcise him (not happening).

Keep your kids away from them unless you or your husband are there supervising.

i_wish_i_could__

If your kids have no problems, why should you? I hate it when people think that their kids are too dumb to choose just because they’re kids. I think you’re mad because you don’t have any control over your own kids. Think of your kids and let them do what they want. If they think they’re being oppressed, they’ll tell you if they think that they can trust you. If you were oppressed before, you should understand and act better in this situation.

peachgreentealemon

NTA!!! they did something without your knowledge and literally *hid it* from you because they knew that wasnt what you wanted for your children. them sending you awful messages just further proves the point that they know what they did was wrong but only cared for their own benefit/beliefs.

but INFO: if your children decide to go into that religion/any other religion, would you stop them or let them do it?

jyugo-chan

NTA

Your choices of lives, beliefs, the way you raise your children are up to you. It makes me very uncomfortable reading what your in-laws are doing.

You are totally free not to believe in any religion and it is a freedom that MUST be respected.

Well done for all you have accomplished and I hope everything will work out !!

(Sorry if my message is not clear, my English is not very good …)

nom-d-pixel

NTA. They violated your parental rights in an egregious way. This isn’t letting them have ice cream for dessert or something else innocuous. They haven’t just crossed a line, they completely obliterated it and then hid what they were doing from you. They have firmly established that you cannot trust them, and in doing so have sacrificed any right they have to access to your children.

bluebell435

NTA. Not only are they ignoring your wishes as parents, There is no way they aren’t telling your kids not to tell you about the hijab, or you would know about it. On top of that, the whole family has to be helping to keep this a secret. If it were me, they would never see my kids again.

mooseblood07

NTA – You’re saving your children from the torment you experienced, you’re doing nothing wrong. They’re *your* kids, if you don’t want them to see their grandparents, then they don’t have to and your in-laws don’t get a say.

WaDaEp

NTA.

While your children are minors, they’re under your guidance and your rules (so long as they’re not harmful).

I suggest blocking all those criticizing you. It sounds like they’d be your in-laws’ accomplices.

geistkind

NTA You’ve set boundaries and they’ve ignored them. You are their parents and have every right to raise your children as you see fit. Block those attacking you and move on. You’re doing the right thing.

Amkitty3204

NTA I can never understand the oppression you went thru but just by you running away you went thru a lot. I’m glad your husband is backing you up in this honestly that’s all that matters.

gribgribcant

NTA. No one has the right to choose how you raise your children outside of you and your husband. They are being incredibly inappropriate and directly disobeying your wishes.

nhannon87

NTA. And it makes it so much easier on you that your husband is in your corner. If they can’t play by your rules than they can’t play.

Eyksmama

NTA, your Children, your rules. If they can’t respect your way of parenting, they lose their privilege of seeing their grandkids.

rileygreyy

NTA. They’re blocking you from witnessing what they’re doing with your own children. Religion or not, that’s unacceptable.

Myardraug

NTA, anyone who isn’t their parents should respect *your* boundaries that you both set regardless of the situation.

RO489

NTA, but I’m curious, isn’t the hijab usually held until after puberty? Is it normal to buy them for young girls?

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is standing firm in their decision to ban their children from visiting their in-laws after discovering the in-laws actively undermined the parents’ explicit request regarding religious wear. The central conflict lies between the OP’s deeply held values concerning personal freedom and their past experience of oppression, versus the in-laws’ desire to impose their cultural and religious expectations on the grandchildren, creating a significant breach of established family boundaries.

Considering the OP’s drastic step of banning contact to protect their children’s autonomy, is this protective measure justified, or has the conflict escalated beyond a necessary boundary setting? The core debate is whether the OP’s immediate removal of access is necessary to prevent ideological influence, or if it represents an overly punitive action that sacrifices the children’s relationship with their paternal extended family.