NTA

>His lawyer has approached mine with a settlement offer. Everything im asking for, paid in six months. He will return some things he chose to keep rather than smash.

So what are you actually getting from this “settlement” that you weren’t already entitled to? He’s getting more time (beyond the year he’s already had), so what are you getting in exchange for giving him that time and letting him keep the house? What did your lawyer say? Also, what guarantee are they offering that he will actually fulfill his obligation this time when he hasn’t in the past?

>(being a no show to court, ducking service, refusing to sign the papers, requesting continuances for hearings etc).

He hasn’t been acting in good faith this entire time. Then he smashed your stuff as an additional f-you. He’s made this process uglier by his own actions. Maybe you’ve done things that you didn’t say here, but he’s still responsible for what he’s done and hasn’t done.

So, no. If you decline, you would not be the asshole.

YWNBTA. It was beyond vindictive to give you until 1st Jan to collect but then smash your stuff with a hammer and leave it out in the street. I’d normally say to rise above it and be the better person, and that you’d probably feel less bad if you did so, but (assuming you don’t have children together) I say screw him. This has been going on and on and he’s not given one inch more than he had to at any point, and often much less. So rather than wait another six months to be let down again and have to go back to court again, it would be perfectly understandable to want to bring this to an end.

NTA – and to be blunt, fuck him. He fucked around, it’s time for him to find out. Sorry, he was a huge asshole at the non paying part, but to put you in a position to cancel holiday travel to come pick up YOUR belongings, that he destroyed before you got there? Nah, he deserves every bad thing coming to him.

You should not feel the LEAST bit upset or bad for anything that comes from this.

It’s your decision to make, but make the decision that best benefits YOU, do NOT make a decision based on not wanting to feel bad that he might have to sell his dream home.

You wouldn’t be TA, but I want to emphasize that these are conversations you should be having with your lawyer, not with Reddit. The choice and direction is yours but you need to confer with your counsel to evaluate the risks of either choice.

I’m wishing you the best of luck in navigating this situation. Nevertheless, I still recommend conferring with the attorney that you’re paying to represent you.

I feel like it’s coming from “hate”. I guess, think about how it’s actually going to make you feel if you do this. Does it make you feel sadness or anger or does it give you good closure. It’s really up to what you want to feel and think inside of you later. Take a deep breath and then make your decision when you know it’s the right answer to how YOU feel and not how HE feels.

NTA He has a long history of dragging things out, destroyed your possessions after forcing you to cancel your holiday visit to your family, and generally being an ongoing thorn in your side. Given his track record, it’s very likely that he won’t pay in 6 months and won’t return whatever possessions he kept.

Decline the offer and get paid.

NTA he’s had a lot of chances. There are consequences for actions. Talk to your lawyer about what will happen if the house does not sell. 

Also, what is the best for your mental health and peace of mind? One last chance? Or you want to be done and move on. A therapist could be helpful here or a neutral friend. 

Good luck to you. 

You say in your response that he is agreeing to everything you are asking for. Why not get what you can now, personal items and some payments and assuming if he blows the deadline you’ll still be able to force the sale of the house? Don’t be petty, try to get as much as possible. NTA but be smart.

What is your lawyer actually doing for you that this settlement offer has come to your door?

NTA. He’s evaded responsibility during the entire process. I’d make him sell the house. For that, I’d be willing to wait to collect. I’m not usually vindictive but he’s been a complete asshat.

IF YOU AGREE…tack on a ton of interest and put a Lien on the house until he pays in full.

But you’re NTA if you choose not to. He’s dragged this out enough, and threatens your stuff with a hammer? Now that he’s behind the 8 ball, he wants to negotiate?

The audacity.

NTA – regardless of the reason, he owes you this money. If he hadn’t smashed your stuff up then maybe I would wait but he did and actions have consequences. You didn’t take the house he lost it through his selfish immature actions. I say screw him.

NTA

Let me ask you : would he hesitate to do this to you?
If the answer is no, proceed.

That Golden Rule works both ways, when someone treats you like crap, they’re telling you it’s okay to treat them the same.

You don’t have to accept his settlement offer, nor do you have to force him out. Put your own offer in. You want everything you’ve asked for, paid in full in 30 days otherwise, you will force the sale. NTA.

NTA. He broke the first agreement and also destroyed your stuff out of spite. Just end this nightmare and let him deal with the consequences of his actions.

NTA…He has had plenty of chances to pay you what you are owed. You stopped being nice when he damaged your items. At the most I would give him 30 days.

YTA: You act like it’s easy to come up with that much money. The fact that he’s paid you the vast majority of it is amazing.

NTA. If he couldn’t afford to buy you out, he should have argued for a payment plan in court. I would go after the house.

He’s shown you who he is. You’ve extended grace time and again, and he’s taken advantage of your understanding.

NTA, the second he chose to destroy your items, he lost the opportunity for you to be kind in return. FAFO.

He did this to himself and real estate prices are insane. Cash out and make sure you get your whole end.