But tonight, a fragile breakthrough stirs hope. With a trembling courage, she descends the stairs without her wig, daring to show her true self to family. It’s a moment of triumph shadowed by the looming presence of outdated beliefs and impossible beauty standards, threatening to extinguish the flicker of bravery she’s fought so hard to kindle.
I 35(F) have a daughter who is 16 years old. She was diagnosed with alopecia(forgive me if I spelt it wrong) she lost all of her hair four months ago. She had a boyfriend who broke up with her after she lost her hair.
She is extremely insecure about it. We had to switch her to online school, she was getting severely bullied.
My daughter doesn’t like for anyone see her without wigs. She doesn’t like to be natural around me either. It’s heartbreaking because I think she’s super gorgeous, but due to her getting bullied and her boyfriend breaking up with her, her mental health went downhill.
Her father and I have her in therapy. We do everything we can to be supportive.
Today my mother came over for dinner. My daughter came downstairs without a wig. I was so happy she was finally comfortable enough to not wear a wig. My mother has outdated views on things, and she has impossible beauty standards.
My daughter was sitting at the dinner table. Everything was going fine for a few minutes. My mother opened her mouth, and said, “You have wigs! Why don’t you wear them! You’re making me very uncomfortable.
What makes you think me or anyone else would want to look at that?”
My daughter was in tears, and ran upstairs to her room and slammed her door. Her father went upstairs to check on her. I was furious. I yelled , “How dare you say some horrible shit lien that to your granddaughter?
Do you have any idea what she’s been through? She was already getting bullied enough, and just for you to bully her and traumatize her some more? Get the fuck out of my house!”
My mother said, “It’s just constructive criticism!”
I yelled, “That is not constructive criticism! That is bullying and making my daughter feel bad about herself. Leave!”
My mother left. My brother texted me, telling me I took it too far and that I should be ashamed for taking to my own mother that way.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing intense emotional distress due to witnessing their daughter’s pain following hair loss and subsequent bullying, leading to a confrontation where the OP fiercely defended their daughter against the grandmother’s harsh comments.
The core debate centers on whether the OP’s immediate, forceful removal of the grandmother from the home was a necessary act of protecting a vulnerable child, or an overreaction that damaged family relationships despite the validity of defending the daughter against cruelty.
Here’s how people reacted:
Your daughter was FINALLY starting to feel comfortable in her body again, in her own home, around people who are supposed to love and support her above all else (and she had 2/3 of those). I sincerely hope you put your mom in her place loudly enough for your daughter to hear and if not then I’d make sure you tell your daughter EXACTLY how upset you are by her words because your daughter deserves to know that her emotions are valid and she’s not the only one upset by the situation.
Your daughter isn’t responsible for anyone else’s feelings, if they don’t want to see something they can look elsewhere. You can’t control strangers, and sadly not everyone will have compassion. I can forgive a teenage boy for not understanding the impact of his actions (although I wouldn’t voice this in front of your daughter, to her I’d only validate her hurt and say he’s not the right person for her). But a grown ass woman should know better, or at least know enough to keep her mouth shut!
Honestly, she wouldn’t ever be welcome in my home again after a stunt like that and I’d be pretty low contact for a long time until she can show genuine remorse and growth, which may not ever be possible given what you’ve said about her “standards”.
my unsolicited advice: Tell your daughter that it’s ok to tell people like your mother to fuck off. That age or position in the family does not mean automatic respect. That because of your mother’s insane bullying behavior to everyone over the years that you are cutting her off and that she is allowed to do the same. Same with your brother. Showing her your backbone and telling her she is allowed one as well will help her.
My mom was like that, and she didn’t care who she hurt, just that she felt good and self righteous. Keep telling your mom to fuck off until she is ready to sincerely apologize and if she does, watch her like a hawk. The mean, bullying asshole will be back and will need to be told to fuck off again.
You and your husband are doing amazing! Your love and support is so beautiful to hear about. You rock for putting your daughter first.
Nta
UpdateMe
Not sure it will help – but if your daugher has not seen the original star trek movie – watch it. one of the female leads is totally bald and incredibly beautiful and sexy.
Your daughter is beautiful – and loved – she just unfortunately came in contact with assholes.
NTA
I’d tell your brother exactly what your mother said. And if he still agrees with her, I’d go NC with him too. Block them all on your daughter’s phone and social media.
Protect your child.
Allowing your abuser to abuse your children straight up sickening. No wonder that poor little girl has MH issues. Seriously, why did you have children when you’re unwilling to perform basic parenting function of protecting them from harm. I have a mom just like you. Disgusting.
[https://vimeo.com/590399213/fdc2b800dd](https://vimeo.com/590399213/fdc2b800dd)
She should have been telling your daughter how great she looks and not making awful comments. NTA. Tell your brother he could stay away to if he can’t understand the trauma.
That is cruel.
I lost my hair during chemotherapy. I was 43, old enough to not give a fuck what other people thought. I’d hear comments, and get stared at. It must be awful for a teenager, when it is someone who should love her.
NTA. NTA. NTA.
Your brother sucks too.
But… NTA.
You sound like a wonderful mom.
💙