Now, as her father’s church celebrated its faithful families, spotlighting his own family on the sacred wall, she faced an emotional crossroads. The public honor forced her to confront the tangled threads of identity, belonging, and the unspoken truths hidden behind the perfect image of faith and family.
So I (23F) was born when my dad and mom were in their early/mid-twenties. At that time, my dad was a wild partier that made a ton of bad decisions. So after a few casual hookups, there I was.
Mom and Dad weren’t exactly close so I ended up doing most of the year with her and summers with him. Around the time I was probably 4-5 years old, Dad found religion and went back to his Baptist roots.
Which was great for him!
Pretty soon after, he met a woman and had my two brothers. He also became a preacher and runs his own church, which has become pretty big and popular in this area of our rural, southern state.
So they started this thing a couple years ago where every few months another good christian family would be highlighted and get their picture put up on the wall with everyone’s names, ages, and little family facts.
It was a pretty cute practice, I thought. Well everyone picked my dad this time around and at family dinner, he told us about it and asked which picture we should use.
I chimed in and said that we had a great one with all of us when we went hiking and took a selfie on the trail. It looked good and we were all grinning. Dad pulled me aside after and explained that they were going to have to use a picture without me in it.
He reminded me I was born out of wedlock and was technically a bastard, and that his church was very judgemental and religious so I couldn’t be in the picture. Dad also made a point to say that I was a reminder of his wild days and he doesn’t want that bad light on his good name since he’s “moved on into a Christ-following man.”
I tried to argue that I was a part of the family either way and that I deserved to be highlighted, but he told me absolutely not. So, when he asked little brother to send in the picture to the woman making the board, I asked him to submit the wrong picture.
My brother sent in one where we were all together at the beach with my dad’s arm around my shoulders. I was undeniably in the picture. I don’t go to the church because I work weekends, but my brother said that some of the congregation asked about who I was in the photo and my dad had to explain the situation afterwards when my brother spoke up and said that I was his sister.
That was a week ago. Dad called me the next day, furious and screaming. He said he knew what I did and said it was selfish of me to destroy his reputation like that when I didn’t even go to his church and they didn’t need to know who I was.
I told him that I was part of the family either way and that even if I didn’t attend the church, they should know I’m his daughter like they know my little brother who doesn’t go.
He told me off for bringing up his past “mistakes” and made me feel really horrible. Apparently some of his church members were gossiping about him and me, and it was causing issues at the church.
I didn’t mean for it to go this far. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) acted out of a clear desire for familial recognition and inclusion, directly challenging her father’s attempt to compartmentalize her existence due to his public religious standing and past choices. Her action of submitting a photo including herself forced a confrontation with the central conflict: her father’s desire to maintain a specific, curated image versus her inherent right to be acknowledged as his daughter.
Was the OP justified in deliberately undermining her father’s wishes to force recognition of her place within the family unit, or did her actions cross a line by knowingly creating public conflict and damaging his reputation within his highly judgmental community? Does the father’s commitment to his religious public role negate his responsibility to fully acknowledge his child?
Here’s how people reacted:
Oh btw our pastor was born to a 15 year old mom and raised by his grandparents. I’ve also had the opportunity to listen to a sermon from an ex felon who turned his life around and found God and love. He’s married now and as of last time I heard expecting his first child.
Honestly, this isn’t about your dad being a good Christian, it’s about him caring more about people’s judgement than G-d’s. I’m willing to bet hiding you will cause a lot more judgement than admitting to a past indiscretion.
Interesting side note- I listened to a pastor that said he was a teen leaving home with his pregnant girlfriend before he became a Christian. Who you are today is more important than who you were before finding religion.
YOU ARE PART OF THE FAMILY and he should be ashamed of himself for even treating you less than your brother just because you remind him of his “wild days”. You are still his daughter and he needs to act like a better father towards you. He got himself in this situation and he has no right to blame you for anything!
\- He was willing to uphold a lie
\-He handles stress by anger and screaming
\- He’s phony and cares more about image, than walking the walk
Because of these issues he needed a wake-up call, and he should be happy you’re doing it because if God has to do it he won’t like that too much. Better too his congregation sees him for what he really is as he could be a wolf in sheeps clothing
Your dad however is the bigger AH by far and is a hypocrite. He should have acknowledged you and be open about his “wild” years to begin with. Instead of using his redemption story, he chose to hide his past from everyone. The repercussions of that are strictly on him.
NTA.
If he hadn’t already told his congregation about you, and made sure that they knew he was still fulfilling his responsibilities as your father, then he missed a crucial part of Christ’s message and was *not* being a “good Christian.”
Do I think you’re the asshole for exposing him? No. But I think you’re the asshole for exposing yourself to harm without prepping for the likely outcome.
ultimately NTA. but now that you know, what’s next?
Maybe you went overboard, but him calling you names was pretty rude too.
If he was smart, he could have used the photo, his past, and you as a teaching moment.
To hell with him.
A trash one IMO, and since it’s ‘his’ church, he’s the one responsible for this.
Anyway. Gonna go with NTA.
I cannot stand hypocritical Christians. Your dad is honestly not the right person to lead a church, not because he had wild party days but because he is a liar. His congregation deserves to know who he really is.
Maybe remind your dad with a scripture (1 Timothy 5:8) “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
Just saying.
I judge your father a massive asshole though.
Point out he isn’t being very Christian.
Ouch this hit right in the feels.
Found god, but apparently not love and compassion for his child. Holy. (Pun not intended)
So he is alright with lying to the people in his church and hiding you, but not with having a daughter before marriage?