NTA. Whenever possible, religious practices should be optional in this type of setting. Her parents are religious, so they value prayer, and there would’ve been nothing wrong with them leading a prayer and telling you you were welcome to participate but that it wasn’t mandatory. Asking you to lead the prayer was going a step too far.

This reminds me of when I went over to a friend’s house for dinner in high school. I was an atheist at the time and my friend’s family knew this. They were Jewish and it was Shabbat that evening, so they did Shabbat and told me what to expect beforehand, but said I didn’t have to participate. I ended up participating because I’d grown up going to Christian church and hadn’t really been exposed to other religious practices, so I was invested in the cultural aspect of it. Plus allowing me to not participate really made me feel welcome.

I think your mistake was in explaining too much, but I understand that you were nervous.

I personally am Catholic but was raised in a mostly secular household, and to be honest, saying grace before meals or even doing any kind of public, off-the-cuff prayer makes me nervous. My husband was raised Catholic, and his parents say grace before every meal, and we participate in that when we go to visit them, but we don’t generally say grace at home, despite otherwise being active in our church.
I realize it’s too late, but more diplomatic options could have been “I appreciate the offer, but \[GF\] is much better at that than I am. Would you do the honors, hon?” or “I am speechless with gratitude. Would you please do the honors?” or “Thank you for the invitation, but I am used to giving thanks silently. Please go ahead!”

ESH

Or you could have run with it””
Stand

“Thank you, the universe is over 13 billion years old and over 100 billion light years across, our light cones do not let us see but a tiny fraction of existence, stars have lived and died and exploded to make the chemicals of our bodies and the food we consume. we are star stuff, the sun gives warmth and light to grow our food, the earth provides a place to grow and harvest our sustenance, in all this vastness of unimaginable space and time we are here together to sup in harmony and peace, children of the stars and universe together, the universe breathing and existing as are we, LET US EAT.

Sit down , pick up fork, smile jauntily

(It’s not a prayer, it’s a science lesson disguised as one and since they asked for it)

NTA.

All my siblings (and I) were raised in the same religious tradition. Since becoming adults, my older brother, and one younger sister have left that tradition. I am raising my family in the tradition I was raised in. We live \~30min from brother and invite him to dinner on a roughly weekly basis. Every time we eat dinner we say a prayer; usually one of the kids say it because I have 4 of them; but we try to make sure no one says the prayer more than anyone else. Most of the time when brother is around for dinner, my 2 year old asks if he can say the prayer. I always tell 2 yr old “You can ask, but Uncle SomDtamDumpling’sBrother can say “no” if he doesn’t want to.” My brother usually still says yes though.

NTA

So many people going around saying they’re religious and Christian until they’re presented with somebody who doesn’t have their same Faith or belief.. then comes the disappointment and judgment which is something as a Christian you’re not supposed to do.

If they were the Christian people they said they were, it shouldn’t have been a problem. He should have just apologize for trying to impose on you and put you on the spot and just done it himself. There was absolutely nothing wrong with what you said, you were completely polite and respectful, and there’s no reason for the mood to have shifted. And her siblings are ridiculous

I would have started with, “Thank you. I’m honoured. I think Makkah is this direction. Allah-u akhbar then jibber jabber in fake Arabic”

The look of horror on their faces would soon be replaced with relief when you explain you were having a joke and that you are not in any way religious.

Actually I probably wouldn’t have.

I might have just said what an honour it is and that GF is the best thing to have happened to you and the parents must have done something right in raising such a wonderful person. It’s a privilege to be here getting to know her parents. What a loving family.

No gods need to be mentioned.

YTA – you made an easy unforced error and now her family sees you as a walking dildo.

All the edge-lord “you showed those cultist” responses you’re getting here aren’t going to win over your GF’s parents, which was the goal, right?

As the saying goes, when in Rome…

“In honor of and and everyone sitting at this table I would like to thank this family and the lord of their faith for this meal and I’m grateful the hospitality and warmth I’ve been shown tonight. Amen.”

See? I didn’t lose any athiest street cred, as if that fucking matters at all.

NTA. I’m not exactly sure how you’d fake leading a prayer without any experience. I’m atheist and I would have been a deer in headlights at that table. I feel like an interaction such as this was inevitable.

I know I’m late to the party and this will probably get lost in the comments, but something to consider with the girlfriend if you think this may lead to marriage/kids… when kids enter the picture, people who came from religious families that aren’t terribly religious suddenly start reconsidering that. Also, families tend to start with the full-court press.

Nta, but as an atheist I keep a canned prayer just in case “thank you lord for the food and company, for bringing it all together, [any brownie points you need to shoe in go here], amen” easier than dealing with Christians, even the secret ones who say they are agnostic to fit in with atheists, to their face. They get way to defensive and hold your atheism against you as a personal attack in them and will use that as justification for future shitty behavior. Never trust a Christian who claims to be ok with atheists.

I mean of course it depends on where you’re from, but in my area (Georgia), you’re supposed to fake it even if you don’t believe. It’s more disrespectful to be openly atheist/agnostic than it is to be privately atheist/agnostic but outwardly Christian. Hell, I’d say most people are more along the lines of atheist/agnostic, but it’s a huge social faux pas to present that outwardly. I personally fake it if I have to, just so I don’t ruffle any feathers.

I mean, I would also describe myself as somewhat agnostic, but I could also lead a prayer just from stuff off the top of my head. “Thanks for bringing family together, thanks for the food, thanks for my gf, forgive us our sins”.

I would say NTA, but being some militant atheist will score points nowhere. If you’re not a believer, faking it won’t get you in trouble with anyone?

NTA. 

You could have worded it better (“I’ve never prayed before in my life so I don’t know how; any chance you could show me and I can try and learn how to do it next time?) or something similar, but still NTA.

If they take offense and you being different than them, that’s a them problem 

NTA, but I’m curious as to if your gf had told her parents that you are not religious beforehand, and why she didn’t interject at that moment to defend you.

“Dad, we discussed this. I think it would be best if someone else led prayer.”

Her father was upset because until that moment, he didn’t know you are an atheist (or a different religion). People would rather know that you practice another religion than none at all, in my experience.

When I met my wife’s family, we had Chinese food, she tried to embarrass me by handing me; and only me; chop sticks. The joke was on her, I’m perfectly comfortable using chop sticks.

Lol, you got me there with that second edit!

NTA. You were as respectful as possible. That is their problem, and I hope it doesn’t cause any issues with you and your gf. Good luck.

As someone who is vaguely religious (raised Catholic/Christian), you are absolutely NTA – I completely agree with your reasoning and think you did the most respectful thing.

NTA
I wish your GF would have stepped up at dinner and told her siblings to cut it out. That’s an overreaction and your response was totally fine.

zNTA. But your girlfriend definitely is. First for not warning you ahead of time, and second for not doing damage control after her slip up.

you could Tell the truth and say… I never did a prayer and I dont know how to do IT or what to say. Could you pls do IT for me instead?

Your response was extremely gracious. The parents should have dropped the subject and said grace themselves, once you politely declined.

Rub a dub dub. Thank’s for the grub. Yay god!
I knew a guy that said this when his girlfriend’s family asked him to say grace.

But like….Jesus isn’t offended so why are they? Gahhhh the lack of self-awareness is wild with organized religion…NTA.

Apparently her folks forget about the part when Jesus said kick the dust off their feet.They wanted to burn you up.

Gotta have this one in the chamber for next time…

“rub a dub dud, here comes the grub, yay god”

Your welcome

NTA. If you \*had\* led the prayer, you’d be the A. Supporting religious behavior is almost always asinine.

Should have just gone with the Pledge of Allegiance like the one grandmother did in Christmas Vacation.