Now, on the cusp of welcoming new life, they navigate the delicate balance between their cherished escape and the demands of family expectations. Their quiet rebellion is a testament to their unwavering bond, choosing each other and their happiness over societal norms, proving that love and acceptance often come from the most unexpected places.
I (27f) and my husband (26m) are big gaming addicts. Our parents hate that we played games, and we have got in multiple fights as children and adults over our hobby. It is a sore subject in our family, and we have opted to lie and say we are outside if anyone asks what we are doing.
We both work from home, and right after work we proceed to play games until midnight. None of us like leaving the house, so we are practically next to each other 95% of the time. There is no humanly possible way for either of us to cheat on one another.
I am currently pregnant, and this has caused our inlaws to visit very frequently. Due to this increase in visits, we have reduced much of our gaming time for the better health of the baby and so they do not see us gaming.
We have gotten in argument about how our hobbies are “unacceptable”, “childish” and that we needed to change. Sundays are known to everyone as the “unavailable” day. We always say we are on date or something, but in reality we are at home getting our weekly gaming quota covered.
My husband went to a gaming cafe with friends vising and I stayed home last Sunday. MIL decided later to call me in the middle of a match, and I suppose I was acting very suspicious because I wanted to end the conversation asap.
She asked what I was doing and I replied automatically without thinking that I was on a date with my husband. According to my husband she then later called him and he said that he was at a bar with friends.
MIL decided to visit my house, where I was undoubtly in the middle of another game. I avoided any phone calls and pretended to not hear the knocking until my match was over (20 minutes or so).
Afterwards I answered the door and pretended that I was sleeping which is why I wasn’t answering the phone or door. MIL exploded at me calling me a cheater and that the child I was pregnant with was not her sons (because otherwise, why would I not answer the door?).
The idea that I would cheat, and that it would even be possible to cheat on my partner was so hilarious to me that I burst out laughing which angered MIL even more. She continued to berate me while I just smiled sitting there thinking how ridiculous all this was.
When my husband came home she berated me in front of him about how I was cheating on him. My husband was visibly confused the whole time, and confirmed with his mother that there was no possible way for me to cheat on him.
He explained how we are together practically every moment of the day and when MIL saw he was not getting on her side proceeded to get mad at me for leading her on. She called me an asshole for pretending to have an affair and never correcting her before she told other people.
Although I never clarified that I wasn’t cheating, I do think that it was not her place to come unannounced and proclaim that I am a cheater. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) and her husband share a deeply ingrained hobby—gaming—that clashes significantly with their in-laws’ expectations, leading the couple to maintain secrecy and engage in minor deception regarding their Sunday activities. The central conflict arises when the OP’s attempt to protect their private time is misinterpreted by the mother-in-law (MIL) as evidence of infidelity, triggering an extreme and accusatory reaction from the MIL.
Given that the OP maintained a long-standing habit of lying about their Sunday activities to avoid criticism, was the MIL justified in her extreme accusations of cheating based on the OP’s suspicious behavior during a phone call and subsequent avoidance of the door? Or was the MIL entirely out of line for showing up unannounced and immediately leaping to the conclusion that the OP was cheating, regardless of the couple’s prior deceptions?
Here’s how people reacted:
Lying saved you from some short-term conflict with her, but inevitably blew up in your face and caused worse conflict down the road. It would have been better to set boundaries of how you will allow yourself to be treated from the start instead.
Stress from conflict in the service of defending boundaries and your independence as adults is infinitely better than the stress from lying, dodging, and appeasement of parents who are allowed to think they should still have control over their adult children. That’s just a constant grating misery.
But I’ll be honest, the BS they spew about your gaming is only going to get worse once baby gets here.
My hubby and I are nerds, and we game frequently (DND is our medium). We also have two children. Both of our families think we game too much to be parents. We usually just ignore them, but if they get too opinionated, I have no problem putting them back in their place.
What I will typically hit them with is this:
“We make sure not to push our hobbies and preferences onto our children. Please show us the same courtesy.”
This works because 1) I have no issues being blunt and rude to get my point across to them and 2) I refuse to be made fun of for having things I love.
There’s a difference between loving your family/respecting their opinion and letting them rule your lives.
– you need better boundaries with MIL where first and foremost your husband needs to enforce it with her. Including not meddling in your private lives and trying to pitch you against one another
– sadly with a newborn, your routines will inevitably change. You might want to build some friendships with young parents and in general, build up a support system around you. It takes a village. There won’t be much of sitting side by side gaming every evening until midnight, as a regular thing. And I’m really not condescending when I say this, I have been through this with a gamer husband where we had to relocate during my pregnancy and knew absolutely no one and it was a miserable experience until I built a small community around myself
They start in on you while in YOUR home? Kick them out.
They still act up? “Until you can respect the fact that we are adults who pay our own bills and live our own lives, we will be blocking you and not allowing you over.”
NTA but you lying about what you do in your own home is ridiculous. What are they gonna do? Ground you? Time to set boundaries and enforce them.
And with the amount of time you say you play, I’m worried about your unborn child. You are both addicted to gaming. Do you really think you can just quit cold turkey?
Having said that, NTA to your question. But change your locks, dismantle your doorbell and insist on boundaries with your MIL after this child is born.
Might be good to start cutting down on gaming soon though, once the baby is here there will be very little time for it and if you are ‘addicts’ as you say, might be good to getting used to it before baby is here.
29 year old gamer with a 28 year old gamer partner. my PARENTS still play games.
your MIL sounds like a justno
Assumptions make an ass out of you and me. On her for coming guns a blazing without stopping to think, “Hey maybe I should confirm that she is in fact, cheating on my son???”
You do realise there is no law says you have to ever speak to this dreadful woman ever again, right?